Or is my husband - re: repeated information

[DolomitesDonkey]

I've got a good memory and whilst I'm not a fan of labelling the quirky - had I been born in the last decade I'd be "in the spectrum".

On Thursday there were pictures in the media of that house in Italy which was nearly crushed by a giant boulder.

Yesterday morning my husband asked me if I'd seen it, I replied yes, I'd seen and read about it Thursday.

In the evening he asked me whether I'd seen the house in Italy blah blah blah.

I said "yes. You asked me this already today and my answer is the same as this morning - I saw it Thursday". He got grumpy and said he couldn't remember and that I'm arsey.

This is just one example, and by my own admission, I sometimes ignore him when he asks a question because it's repeated information/query or just plain dumb.

AIBU and a massive bitch or do repeats cause your soul to wither too?

I pretty sure of my self-diagnosis, and am going through the process of actual diagnosis. Mine was suggested to me by my mother, who is a mental health nurse with working knowledge of autism. I thoroughly researched it before I agreed with her. I've spoken with my psychiatrist who agrees it is very possible and who referred me for further testing.

It can be done, and some people can be happy with just their own knowledge and no diagnosis.

OxfordBags Sun 02-Feb-14 18:45:42
I totally getshere you arecoming from, OP. I'm probably on the spectrum somewhere (I found out recently that people can have some or even many ASD traits but not be fully ASD,and that females with ASD can have some theory of mind, ie they are often aware that their behaviour or reactions are different, or that they are appearing rude, etc.).

I also have a nearly photographic memory, and having to repeat things to people has driven me up the wall. When I was a kid, I naturally couldn't understand why others couldn't remember the tiniest details.

OP, do you get that thing where people think you are a over intense or even a bit stalkerish, because of the "you MUST remember, it was the second Saturday in November '89 and you were wearing a green coat and you said x, y and z" thing? I've had to learn to stop doing it, because some people think I'm a saddo who living in the past, not just someone with a good memory!

I find this description worrying, as it almost perfectly describes me! I've done a couple of supposedly reliable online tests and find I score on the high side of average. I'm lucky in that DP doesn't often repeat himself, he does have a reasonable memory.

I tease dh when he forgets. But I wouldn't ignore. Ds1 is AS. Suspect I have some traits too.

Managing until you are 30 or 40 then realising you have a good memory and are quite precise is so different to children who really need a diagnosis.

Maybe its because DD is so severe but it all just seems a bit self indulgent to me.

Im talking about people who score high average on the AQ test.

Or people who are happily married and working and coping just fine but then read a bit about aspergers.

Each to their own but to then be disparaging about diagnosis and labels is a bit rich.

I sought answers because I've been so dysfunctional all my life, especially with regards to social relationships.

It sometimes seems like the AQ test is the new in thing to do.

Fan..well I dont mean you then. I mean those who manage just fine and then just wonder abiht ehir good memory or something.

Am not disparaging those with real issues..I wouldn't.

*about their. Meh

I mean people who think because they work in engineering and are a bit shy they must have AS. For example.

I worked in mathematical programming and am a bit shy. It's a world away from having autism.

Note I don't mean people who struggle greatly in kife so seek a dx. If anyone in that position is getting offended by me please dont.

Well then you have suffered real issues and scored highly so are not one of those I am talking about buffy. You are not being self indulgent.

But some are.

I knew I'd offend the people I genuinely wasnt intending to.

I am v tired so probably not explaining self properly.

Im sorry to say but FryOne's post struck me like that. Only scoring high average and having good memory but being "worried" about AS.

Im sure Fry is a lovely poster. Its probably just my personal bugbear. But it does minimise AS and smacks of the new fashion to self diagnose with it at drop of hat. Or ones partner if they ar ea bit aloof.

Dont shake! Best to get it out.

Well it depends what you are calling 'managing just fine'.
DH doesn't have a diagnosis but I am quite happy to say he is 'somewhere on the spectrum'.
He would also say like the Op that he doesn't want to be pigeon hole into something.

He has a family, dcs and a job that he manages to hold relatively well. On the outside he is 'managing fine' just like all the countless people with high functioning autism.
Now if you look more closely, relationship within the family can be extremely difficult, he has very few friends and has no idea how to keep friends (eg he wouldn't ring a firned just to keep in touch or when their partner has been taken ill is on their death bed). It does have some impact on his life, he 'has learnt to live on his own' even though he would have liked to have friends (his words not mines).

Going back to the OP.
DolomitesDonkey unfortunately, you reaction would be seen as rude by most people. I get that it must be frustrating for you. But not everyone has the same type of memory and you need to accept these differences with good grace just others accept your own difference with good grace.
And no the 'you remember on the 2nd november when you were wearing the blue dress' isn't quite right either. Again I get where you are coming from but unless you are 100% sure that person knows/remembers what you are talking about, this is 1- a pointless exercise and 2- a very uncomfortable position to be in for that person (who will feel that they really they ought to remember when they don't)

Your memory is obviously far from average. Nothing wrong with that but being a cock because someone is "Less than you" is well, cockish. It's the same as bitching at someone for not being able to do the same maths work you do.. would you do that to?

Eventually your dh will get bored of trying to talk to you.

Lady. Well I dont mean your DH either!

I mean people who have no issues at all but attribute being a bit shy or working with computers to AS. Or a good memory.

Not sure how much clearer I can be.

I suppose I mean..people who are not on the spectrum!

Well she herself brought up the subject of diagnosis so it's fair game for discussion iMO.

Fanjo I do get where you are coming from btw.
It's hard on both sides. For the people who are on the spectrum and struggling, or have dcs on the spectrum.
And for people who don't have a diagnosis and 'know' they are but are told it's only 'armchair diagnosis' so it isn't valid.

But the thing is as a functioning adult, what is the point of an official diagnosis? You won't get any help, you will be put into a box (plus the issue coming with that diagnosis when you apply for a new job. Aren't you suppose to disclose the SN?). And ... you will just be left to get on with it as you are 'functioning'. That is even before talking about the difficulty of getting a diagnosis as an adult.

Have to sleep now

Anyone who reads and is having real issues due to AS I am not meaning you so dont be offended by my post...

Sorry Fanjo we xpost. see post above