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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 teachers shouldn't have done this to my son?

223 replies

Marn1e · 29/01/2014 20:28

My DS is 7 and in year 2. He's been swimming with the school every week for the past two terms and enjoys it a lot.

Last week he had a flare up of his eczema. For background, he's suffered since he was 3 months old and has been involved in clinical trials/ all sorts of treatments etc. I now generally just keep him moisturised etc and only use his 10% steroid cream when need be. Last week he was covered so I immediately used his cream and gave him anti histamine etc.

It coincided with swimming so I popped into the office on the relevant morning and told them he'd had a flare up of eczema and I was going to keep him off swimming for two weeks ( necessary because the steroid immediately gets to work but further applications are needed even when the patches are gone to continue "dampening' it all down.

Today was the second week so I didn't send him in with his kit. He's still covered but on the mend so he will be back to it next week.

He came out of school today and told me that a teaching assistant had approached him and asked him why he wasn't swimming. He told her he had eczema. She then called over another teacher and a helper and between them they asked him to pull up his trousers so they could see his legs and then asked him to pull up his tops so they could look at his chest, tummy and back. He did this but was obviously a bit bothered as it was the first thing he said to me when he came out of school.

I called the school and the relevant teachers had gone home, although the teacher I spoke to said there would have been a very good reason why they did this and he " probably said his skin was hurting so they had a look".

He didn't say this. He has never once complained about it and he's never had time off school for it. Besides, he told me he was approached by a TA who specifically asked to look at it.

I've asked the school to come back to me with an explanation. They obviously don't believe me ( err not sure why?!?! ) but instead of calling me they chose for three of them to get him to pull up his clothes.

So is this a big deal? Wwyd?

OP posts:
Imnotmadeofeyes · 29/01/2014 22:59

As a small aside you should be really proud of yourself and your son that he's done exactly the right thing when adults have made him feel uncomfortable and told you.

If nothing else the staff at your sons school need to consider their procedures (I'm presuming wildly here that the staff weren't doing this off their own backs, I think they were UR) if they're making children feel that way.

Even if they were expecting to find evidence of injuries, that alone isn't proof of anything other than them not knowing the circumstance. IMHO you should have been contacted and if they were still concerned flagged you up as a risk to be dealt with by the proper people.

fifi669 · 29/01/2014 23:36

To be fair to the teachers, an abusive parent could use the same excuse as you to cover up what they've done til the marks fade. I guess they were erring on the side of caution?

Original poster
Marn1e · 29/01/2014 23:37

I told him I was very pleased that he'd told me. He said he'd remembered the conversation we had only last week ( prompted by the current radio ad from the NSPCC about the "pants rule" - he'd heard it and we'd had a little chat and he understood that he must tell me if anything like that happened ) anyway, he actually mentioned it today , saying he'd told me because it's " like the pants thing isn't it mum?"

Obviously it isn't at all but funny that in his head it was. And I believe that to be because they made him feel a bit uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marn1e · 29/01/2014 23:39

Fi - yeah of course. But yet again ... They do not suspect me of hurting him. It's not about that.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 29/01/2014 23:45

I don't believe they are likely to have been looking for bruises or any other injuries. The procedures to be followed are drummed into school staff so well that I'm sure they would have no doubt about what they should do if they suspected abuse.

OP they have to tell you if they think your child is at risk of harm unless they have a very good reason to think that telling you puts the child is very serious immediate danger. You'd know if that were the case.

This is about a group of people being judgemental about a parent and getting carried away with their little bit of power.

It was inappropriate. They need to be told that in no uncertain terms, you need to hear that it won't happen again and your DS needs to hear an apology and a similar assurance. Then you can all move on.

FannyFifer · 29/01/2014 23:47

Totally not getting the big deal here at all.

DS has excema, I'm pretty sure when he's having an itchy day his teacher had said c'mere and let me see.

He didn't have a note, said he can't swim due to excema being bad, prob just a spur of the moment lets have a look by the teacher.

Sure they all get undressed for gym in the class in front of each other.

They hardly had him stripped naked inspecting his private parts.

Goldmandra · 29/01/2014 23:54

A child who is in discomfort choosing to show a teacher where it is so they can help him is very different from three adults standing round a child and telling him to move his clothing so they can inspect his body.

You don't have to strip him naked for it to be unacceptable.

Original poster
Marn1e · 29/01/2014 23:55

It's not about that fanny. I know they didn't strip him . And I have no problem with a teacher saying ' oh are you ok? Let's have a look ' if he's in pain or whatever. No issue at all.

My issue is 3 staff members asking him to pull up his trousers and top to check him PURELY because they don't believe that I'm not just letting him swing the lead. Or they're nosy. Or they want to see if he actually does have eczema

They didn't check him out of concern that he might be uncomfortable

OP posts:
Original poster
Marn1e · 29/01/2014 23:56

Cross post with gold!

OP posts:
livelablove · 30/01/2014 00:01

Imagine if it was an adult. I wouldn't mind taking clothes off for first aid, if necessary, but I wouldn't like it if my boss wanted to inspect my skin condition if I said I was too sick to work.

JodieGarberJacob · 30/01/2014 00:09

It's not that they didn't believe YOU, they couldn't just take his word for it. If there is nothing in writing there's only a very slim chance that anyone would remember the comment about 2weeks. The teacher would have asked the TA to check. If there was no visible eczema then they would have called you to confirm if he was still insistent he wasn't to do it. As it was they could see that it was still present and no need to call you. And it wasn't three adults checking him, it was one adult checking him and two adults checking her. And no clothes were removed.

BrianTheMole · 30/01/2014 00:09

I think yanbu op. I was imagining the scenario with my ds, whose 4 and it didn't really bother me. Because he wouldn't care much himself. But then I imagined it for my dd who is 6 and it gave me the Angry. As she really wouldn't like that at all. I would complain about it. Your ds felt it was important enough to say right away. Its not ok to ask a child to do that unless theres a very good reason. Which there isn't.

Misspixietrix · 30/01/2014 06:39

OP my DCs have horrible flare ups sometimes so I'm aware of how bad it can get. When they are like that. My two hate the flare ups being on show and would have been embarrassed if asked to see. I send the cream in with them but the Teachers aren't allowed to touch them to help them put the cream on. They have to apply it themselves. Even the 4yo had to. Could that be maybe why she asked your Ds to lift his jumper up? Because she's not allowed to and can see for herself? Agree with others. I think they were just wondering if Ds and you were telling the truth. Its still not on though and I would be letting them know what I thought too.

BoneyBackJefferson · 30/01/2014 06:50

Sockreturningpixie
"Does not matter, they should not check, just the same as requiring visual evidence of illness"

That's a very different opinion given from when a couple of the child abuse cases came to light, Even the judge (in one of the cases) said that teachers should have been more proactive and should be more proactive in future.

dazzledbythesky · 30/01/2014 07:08

Boney, 'proactive' does not mean removing a child's clothing, ever, staff are NOT allowed to do this.

It isn't an opinion she is giving, but a fact. Child protection training - mandatory for everyone who works in a school - explicitly states that you never remove or ask a child to remove clothing to inspect bruises or injury.

Goldmandra · 30/01/2014 07:32

It's not that they didn't believe YOU, they couldn't just take his word for it.

Then they phone.

It is not acceptable to ask him to move his clothes so they can check for themselves.

LadybirdsEverywhere · 30/01/2014 08:02

Teachers are NOT allowed to check for injuries/abuse.

These three clowns need to get themselves on a child protection training course

coco44 · 30/01/2014 08:14

I think YANBU.
Apart from anything else, if the swimming is off-site they need your permission to take him anyway

MoominsYonisAreScary · 30/01/2014 08:45

I think the main thing is it seems to have made him feel uncomfortable. There was no reason for them to check him at all, they should have rang you.

DolomitesDonkey · 30/01/2014 09:11

YABU. Yes, it probably smarts that they were IMO looking for injuries, but I'd rather teachers checked all children rather than let one slip through the net.

In fact I'm unpleasantly surprised to read that it's "not allowed" for teachers to check. I thought teachers/hcps were the public eyes. :(

DolomitesDonkey · 30/01/2014 09:12

And tbh I'm DISGUSTED that looking out for child abuse gets you labelled a clown.

Call me a clown or worse if you will, but I'm AGAINST child abuse, not for silent collusion.

livelablove · 30/01/2014 09:20

Of course teachers should do something if they suspect abuse, but it is a serious matter, and needs to be dealt with sensitively. This boy was not being abused and was left feeling upset by being inspected for whatever reason.

fascicle · 30/01/2014 09:26

Marn1e I would be very cross in your shoes, but I would suggest phoning the school again and establishing the facts (i.e. the adults' explanation for asking your son to pull up/down clothing). There might be additional information that has a bearing on the story (unlikely, but you never know).

If there are no extenuating details, I would be very cross that this had been done publically, by three adults, resulting in your son feeling uncomfortable and cross that the adults had taken it upon themselves to make a medical judgement, rather than calling you (that's assuming that they didn't get the message from the office - if they did, obviously that's another problem).

MidniteScribbler · 30/01/2014 09:29

I think that it would be a good idea to you get a doctors letter on file about your son's condition and the treatment he is undertaking. I have had parents say that their child has "just a bit of excema" (as they are running very quickly out the door), but turns out they have chicken pox or hand foot and mouth. Any child in school with any form of rash needs a doctors letter certifying that it is not contagious.

BookFairy · 30/01/2014 09:42

Whatever their reason for asking your DC to lift up his clothing they will have breached their own safeguarding regulations. Teaching staff absolutely cannot ask a child to lift their clothes to confirm a medical condition or check for injuries. I'm shocked that people think this is acceptable.