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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset (and a bit cross) that no one is coming to our party?

128 replies

ethelb · 29/01/2014 17:57

DP and I are throwing a housewarming party this Saturday. We have had a difficult 18 minths due to DP job loss and a very difficult past three months where a manic Christmas with business meant I pretty much saw and spoke to no one for a couple of months. Which is why I wanted to get everyone together to see all the people I have missed so much.
However, out of 46 people we have invited only seven people have responded and only one of them to say they can come.
This is after we cancelled a get together in december (to celebrate christmas rush being over) due to only one person being able to make it.

Am i being unreasonable to be utterly fucked off?

OP posts:
dexter73 · 29/01/2014 18:01

Maybe people are already busy. How much notice have they had for the party?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 29/01/2014 18:07

Agree, how much notice did you give them?

ecuse · 29/01/2014 18:07

How did you invite them?

DustyBaubles · 29/01/2014 18:10

I don't know about being fucked off, it kind of depends.

48 people is quite a big party, do they mostly know each other, or would it be a gathering of strangers?

January is a funny month too, many people are counting the pennies, and a housewarming often suggests that gifts are required.

Getting 48 people who are all free at the same time together is always going to be tricky anyway (outside of weddings etc.) so you are probably doing well with seven.

KatnipEvergreen · 29/01/2014 18:12

I wouldn't relish a house party with that number of people these days, would much prefer a dinner party with close friends.

Reduction · 29/01/2014 18:16

I would be devastated, especially as it's happened twice, I'm afraid I would take it rather personally.

Are they all people you are properly close to or more acquaintances/business contacts?

Have you been putting noses out of joint by being so busy/successful?

hooochycoo · 29/01/2014 18:18

You didn't invite then on face book did you?

whois · 29/01/2014 18:21

You need to give people dates at least 3 months in advance! My friends don't even have children to worry about and it's still a nightmare to get people together.

Also January is a bad month - people have little cash and are often doing things like 'dry January' so a party won't apeal.

Why not contact your core group and suggest a selection of dates and then do something when most of your core group can make?

whois · 29/01/2014 18:22

Oh god, yes if Facebook then that's a crap way to invite people! Need a text, email or phone call.

Pancakeflipping · 29/01/2014 18:24

I would chase up the invites and then decide if it is worth doing ( agree with the others about FB -(for some reason FB invites can seem to not transfer to reality)

patienceisvirtuous · 29/01/2014 18:26

Lots of people just don't make the effort these days. It's a shame. Use the money you would have spent on the party to go somewhere lovely with DH?

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 18:27

They are both mine and DPs friends, and we assumed some wouldn't be able to come. We invited via Facebook (we are late 20s if thta makes a difference) and a follow up text (for about half of them) two weeks in advance. Admittedly we haven't text/called the remainder.

I appreciate FB isn't great for everyone but we have been invited via FB by a lot of these people for their events. Follow up texts included.

OP posts:
Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 18:29

It is Feb 1st, so hopefully end of dry January and day after pay day! Plus I let a lot of them off my January birthday (only 2 out of seven people turned up to that too and that was never FB invites, only phonecalls/texts).

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 29/01/2014 18:31

Oh, that is rubbish. Sad

Have they got decent excuses?

It's sad but there are people who just don't like to lift a finger. It's not that they're snubbing you deliberately or being pointedly antisocial, it's that they figure you'll keep coming to see them at their convenience so they won't bother. DH has a few mates like that and it really upsets me to see him hoping they'll turn up for stuff and then making excuses for them when they don't. I just can't be bothered with people like that.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2014 18:31

Just cancel.

dexter73 · 29/01/2014 18:33

It does seem odd that this is the third party in about a month that none of your friends bar 1 or 2 want to come to. Have you spoken to any of them recently on the phone or face to face? Do you lives miles away from them?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 29/01/2014 18:34

2 weeks notice is not long enough in my opinion. If I invited all my friends with 2 weeks notice I would be happy with one acceptance!

So YANBU to be upset (particularly as its happened twice now) but you can't really be cross that people already have other plans if you only give them 2 weeks notice.

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 18:35

@reduction they are all friends we have known for at least 5 years.

Funnily enough DP thinks they don't want to see us anymore due to his employment issues (he has had work, just not permanent) and would rather spend their time with people who can give them a bit of a leg up Sad

My business is all people want to talk about when they do see me, which is annoying as I so hate the impact it has had on my life (I also have a full time job and the business was only supposed to be a temporary financial fix) that I am planning on closing it soon.

OP posts:
NannyLouise29 · 29/01/2014 18:37

The thing with Facebook is that you are able to see who else is invited. Whenever I get invited to something via Facebook the larger the number of people invited, the less urgent my response. Even if there's a follow up text, then I assume it's a group send. It's as if all of my social etiquette evaporates as soon as Facebook is involved! I'm in my late twenties too.

I also agree with others about January being an odd month for events.

AgaPanthers · 29/01/2014 18:38

They don't sound like they are really friends, if none of them want to come to anything.

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 18:39

@LRD the ones who can't come to this do have decent excuses ie work/family wedding etc.

@dexter A couple but mostly not as I simply haven't had the time which is why I want to see them now to sort of make up for my own crapness (the one in december was supposed to be for that too). Think 16+ hour days 7 days a week from October until Jan and then we moved house two weeks ago.

We did forget a birthday two weeks ago when we were packing up the house the day before we moved (well DP got the date wrong) but we were very sorry and apologetic and have spoken to that friend since who seems not bothered, but she hasn't responded to invite since

OP posts:
hooochycoo · 29/01/2014 18:39

Facebook invites are rubbish. I never usually notice then till someone asks me if I'm coming. Then I generally ask then what they are talking about. And I like and use Facebook . Invite people in person! Phone them, talk to them when you see them. If you can't be bothered to invite them in person, then don't be surprised if they don't want to turn up in person

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 18:41

it is in FEBRUARY!!! (sorry that is in response to all the people saying it shouldn't have been in Jan. As a Jan birthday I have a fairly short fuse on that excuse tbh and will remain so until people with birthdays the rest of the year round are less demanding).

@nanny I don't really think that is acceptable for close/closeish friends tbh. Sorry.

OP posts:
Teeb · 29/01/2014 18:45

By the sounds of it you maybe have been a bit flakey and not such great friends yourself? I understand there's mitigating circumstances, but then everyone has shit going on.

hooochycoo · 29/01/2014 18:46

If they are close/close ish friends then how come you are inviting them by Facebook?
And 46 of them?

I think the ease of Facebook and texting makes you feel
As if you're closer to acquaintances than you are. You can't be a close friend to 46 people!