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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset (and a bit cross) that no one is coming to our party?

128 replies

ethelb · 29/01/2014 17:57

DP and I are throwing a housewarming party this Saturday. We have had a difficult 18 minths due to DP job loss and a very difficult past three months where a manic Christmas with business meant I pretty much saw and spoke to no one for a couple of months. Which is why I wanted to get everyone together to see all the people I have missed so much.
However, out of 46 people we have invited only seven people have responded and only one of them to say they can come.
This is after we cancelled a get together in december (to celebrate christmas rush being over) due to only one person being able to make it.

Am i being unreasonable to be utterly fucked off?

OP posts:
Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:05

@reduction we didn't expect them all to come. Maybe half? And we can fit 20 odd into the living room/kitchen area for drinks.

We do have a larger flat now than the last one but it isn't showing off, we moved here due to DP's lack of permanent salary as we coulnd't afford the rent on our last flat. We wanted to make the move out to be a 'good thing' with the house warming Sad

OP posts:
Owllady · 29/01/2014 20:05

They sound like fair weather friends, as my mum would say :(
Unfortunately having a very disabled child in my early 20s meant I have a good chaff from the wheat experience wrt friends

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:06

@quinteszilla is it usually mass FB invites for house parties in the future. Text/calls for impromtu gatherings in a few hours

OP posts:
Reduction · 29/01/2014 20:13

"I called all people without Facebook accounts before sending out the rest of the invites. Interestingly they all responded, and the one person who could come was one of them"

There you are then, rightly or wrongly, FB invites don't seem to get the desired result

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:14

We also texted/called half of the people who we sent FB invites too. Some of them haven't responded and the ones who have responded say they can't come

OP posts:
BuggersMuddle · 29/01/2014 20:19

FB is awful for this IMO. I often don't notice I have FB invites to be honest and then it looks like I've just been included as part of a mass invite.

I don't necessarily feel obliged to respond in the same way I would to even a personal email. And as I say, I was invited to a bash recently that I didn't respond to because I didn't even notice due to the amount of notifications I had that day. (It was when DP said 'you were invited to Xs and I wasn't and I was 'eh?').

Spaulding · 29/01/2014 20:21

If I receive a Facebook invite and a large number of people are invited, I tend to assume the person has just clicked "Select all" or something when creating the event. They may have selected me because they want me there, but Facebook invites make it impossible to know because you're just a name on a long list of people.

If I'm invited to something via Facebook by a good friend, they'll send me a text as well telling me about it at the same time. "Did you get my Facebook invite? I'm trying to get everyone together. I've invited so-and-so and whats-his-name said he's up for coming" That kind of thing. Much more personal than a mass Facebook invite.

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:23

"If I'm invited to something via Facebook by a good friend, they'll send me a text as well telling me about it at the same time. "Did you get my Facebook invite? I'm trying to get everyone together. I've invited so-and-so and whats-his-name said he's up for coming" That kind of thing. Much more personal than a mass Facebook invite."

For the last time I did. Read the thread.

OP posts:
curiousuze · 29/01/2014 20:29

I think the problem is notice period. A fortnight just isn't enough! I am boring as fuck (and old, and have a kid) and I have things on almost every weekend in February already! It might be that a lot of them are doing 'dry January' and have planned big boozy nights out for the Friday or Saturday already. You just don't know.

When I used to bother having birthday dos, I used to honestly give people 2 months warning. When I lived outside London I didn't have to give people as much notice though.

curiousuze · 29/01/2014 20:30

Also I wonder if the BBQ cancelling couple had a massive barney just before they were due to come round and were too mortified to admit it :)

Lagoonablue · 29/01/2014 20:30

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I would be pissed off too. This is why I don't do parties. I would worry no one would turn up.

Bowlersarm · 29/01/2014 20:34

Of course YANBU.

How rude of your flakey friends.

shewhowines · 29/01/2014 20:45

I'm too old now to enjoy making small talk with a bunch of strangers, although I loved it when I was younger. I nearly always find an excuse to avoid big parties or events where i don't know anyone. Now if you were to invite me to dinner with a select bunch of people I am already friends with...

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:47

Btw most of my friends know each other and most of dps friends know each other. A lot have met before as we have been together 5 years and they have occassionally, in the past turned up to our events, albeit two hours late.

OP posts:
Morloth · 29/01/2014 20:49

It is a bad time for a party IMO.

We are all partied out, big December and a holiday in Jan.

Now it is back to work and kids and school etc.

I have declined 2 invitations for the next couple of weeks, I just don't have the energy along with everything else starting up again.

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:50

However @she we are looking at inviting some people who cant make it over for dinner, as well as the meet ups we are already planning with people who gave swift declines as we appreciate some people may just prefer this

I would point out we have gone to a lot of people's events/parties/weddings and small talked with their friends who we may not have met before on frequent occassion!

OP posts:
shewhowines · 29/01/2014 20:51

I'd still rather have a meal/drink with a few close friends than a big party even if I know everybody there.

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:52

I have made my feelings on using time of year as an excuse clear upthread.

OP posts:
shewhowines · 29/01/2014 20:52

xpost

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:53

@she so would I sometimes, but I dont dictate to these friends and neither have any people suggested we do that with them at another date either

OP posts:
Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:54

Xpost!

OP posts:
shewhowines · 29/01/2014 20:54

I can see why you are hurt. I would be too.

Twighlightsparkle · 29/01/2014 20:55

What a shame. Well 48 friends is a lot of friends, I'd have a fab time with those who can come and see how things pan out with the others!

I don't even have 7 friends! Seriously

Morloth · 29/01/2014 20:57

You think of it as an excuse and I think of it as a reason.

I would drag us to a kiddies party but I would expect another adult to understand.

An invitation is not a summons.

Just reschedule.

Original poster
ethelb · 29/01/2014 20:58

@twighlight nor do i right now! Sob!

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