To be upset (and a bit cross) that no one is coming to our party?

[ethelb]

DP and I are throwing a housewarming party this Saturday. We have had a difficult 18 minths due to DP job loss and a very difficult past three months where a manic Christmas with business meant I pretty much saw and spoke to no one for a couple of months. Which is why I wanted to get everyone together to see all the people I have missed so much.
However, out of 46 people we have invited only seven people have responded and only one of them to say they can come.
This is after we cancelled a get together in december (to celebrate christmas rush being over) due to only one person being able to make it.

Am i being unreasonable to be utterly fucked off?

YANBU.

It was my birthday this month and I invited about 10 people on FB. Most responded, a couple didn't but then later told me they had meant to click 'no' but forgot. I only gave a week's notice (which was a bit bad). We are all late 20s. I did only invite close friends though, so a smaller number than you invited.

I would at least expect people to click 'no' - how hard is it (unless you're dithering about whether to go and forget)? It's one thing to be invited to a thing which has like 200 invites like a club night or something, then you know it basically doesn't matter whether you go or not, but still easy to say no if you know you're busy.

They were rude, imo, and don't sound like very good friends.

Our group all use facebook for invites, either creating an event or for smaller do's a group message. We are round about 30. I do this for family things too as group chatting is easiest. If I was invited to a house party by a friend that has been quite flakey for a while (and perhaps taken themselves off the radar?) and I saw a large number of people invited (46 is a massive amount for a house party!) then I probably wouldn't bother. I would be assuming that there would plenty of other people there. Also, so many people invited to an intimate party, and house parties are intimate, may be a little off putting if you don't know everyone.

But they di still sound like shit friends - find some new ones, and scale down the numbers a little, quality not quantity!

Party invites - three weeks in advance and in writing - a nice written invitation would be taken seriously. I'm ancient I know but I wouldn't accept a Facebook invitation - I'd think it informal and would't bother.

YANBU.

It's irrelevant whether you have enough notice or January is a bad month. They should reply yes or no! You don't need a months notice to say thanks a lot but we can't make it!

I would be furious and really hurt.

This kind of lackadaisical behaviour around invites seems to be increasingly the norm and I just can't stand it. It's an effort to organise a party and people ought to recognise that and take the trouble to acknowledge that and thank you for the invite, regardless of whether they can go.

Ouf. Rant over.

I never said it was a summons. As described above i have rescheduled separate meet ups with some people who cant make it. I am mostly cross with people who have received two invites and responded to neither.

Btw if 'time of year' is an excuse am i ok to ignore everyone else's birthdays for the rest of the year? I know this isnt about birthdays but DP just sat down and worked out we did make every birthday (bar the one we cocked up on moving day) leaving do, engagement, new baby and wedding event last year despite outrageous unplanned busyness in the last three months and financial uncertainity. We made an effort no? They can at least respond.

aww OP it sucks, as whatever way you slice it you do take it personally

I had similar with DS2 christening

I am only just now, a bit, getting over it.

I sympathise

I do feel for you - it is crap to have a party with no guests.

I know you have 'made your feelings clear' about the time-of-the-year 'excuse', but you are going to HAVE to accept that this is about how your guests feel about accepting an invitation in January (even if it is for the beginning of February) -not about whether the 'excuse' is good enough for you. They don't need an excuse, they can just say no.

Also, if someone invites me to something with 48 people going, I don't feel very crucial to the event and immediately feel less of an obligation than if someone phones me and asks if me and DH want to go over for dinner as they'd love me to meet X. FB just isn't personal enough and combined with January-can't-be-arsed might well mean I forgot to reply.

I think your DP is wrong about this being to do with his job issues. It's not about you guys, IMO.

@near the windmill next event im organising (if there is one) i am going to use a town crier!

Btw i get what people are saying about large number of invitees . However, previously we have kept things small and have had smilar, though not quite so bad, levels of crap response. And we got stung with bbq couple at the end of last summer! So this one we just thought fuck it, lets just invite everyone. I get this may not have been a wise decision?

It is absolutely fine to decline any invitations for birthdays throughout the year if you don't want to go.

I agree they should respond either way, but I am not hurt when someone says they can't come to something and I wouldn't organise anything for now because we are all partied out.

It is just the way it is.

There is no point being hurt, I seriously doubt they are trying to hurt you, it is just circumstances.

YaNbu. They sound like users!

I know you were busy over Christmas, but do you hold parties quite a lot?

Perhaps people have just had enough of the same old thing. Housewarmings for 48 people, and December parties to celebrate the end of your busy period don't exactly scream that the guests were chosen because they are dear friends.

Perhaps they feel that you wanted a party at a time convenient to you, and we're just randomly inviting anyone you could think of.

There comes a time in most peoples lives where big parties (unless required for work) are just tiresome. I know you said you've tried smaller parties and had a similar response, perhaps your friends are outgrowing the party thing.

Such a consistent reluctance to attend does suggest that something in particular is putting them off.

For the last time I did. Read the thread.

I read the entire thread before replying. You said,

"We invited via Facebook (we are late 20s if thta makes a difference) and a follow up text (for about half of them) two weeks in advance. Admittedly we haven't text/called the remainder."

So if I was one of the ones whose only form of communication from you was a Facebook invite for 47 others, then I might feel that I was just "one of many" invited. Big Facebook invites can seem that way if that's the only form of invite you've received.

Would it have anything to do with your business? I have a friend with a business which she really believes in but meetups have become all about the business and selling to us.

People are avoiding her as they can't afford to spend just after xmas and find that all the chat revolves around the business. Also I guess people might feel guilty about your dh's position and be thinking they have been invited to give him a leg up.

Oh God yes yetanother. I have one of those. I have had to ask her to stop trying to sell to me. I know she believes on what she's selling but I have strong feelings the other way.

I do think it's rude to not reply at all to texts but have to agree with the chorus of Facebook invites being overlooked. I have about 400 people on my Facebook and get invited to around 5 things a week - party, a show someone is in, a concert someone is playing in. It's very easy to overlook or ignore because a lot of them are very scattershot and inviting 50, 100, 150, 200 people depending on the event. For anything properly personal, I would never use Facebook.

I am turning 40 in March. I am not doing anything major, but have hired a room in a decent pub, just laying on drinks, nibbles, cake. I sent out humorous invites - printed on 'posh' paper but individually named - and asked people to RSVP by 8 Feb, one month before the event. I sent the invites out on 8 Jan, so giving 2 months' notice. I've heard back from nearly all of them by now.

If I occasionally find I am free on a Friday or Saturday night I might text a few people to see if anyone else is free for a drink or takeaway. Anything remotely party-ish and I'd be giving at least 4 weeks' notice as I know most people I know are like me and very busy. I've just looked at my calendar and I've only got one free Saturday before Easter left.

Op how annoying.
I would be hurt.
Three times recently is not nice and shouldn't just be blamed on flakiness.
Do your friends really enjoy your dp friends?

Did you add a proper narrative to your invitation, an explanation of how sorry you were to have been busy and how much you'd love to catch with them all? If it was just Ethel and Bob, housewarming you probably didn't sell it well enough. And if I saw 46 invitees I'd generally work on the basis that if I didn't come you'd still have plenty and wouldn't miss me.

Also,people can be funny about housewarmmings- nice new houses make some people jealous.

That said, we recently had a party and people who didn't come but didn't reply to say they weren't coming I thought really rude.

If be phoning round to chase up responses. If they are not accepting your calls either though, you know you've got a problem.

We called round the rest of them last night and got a bunch of maybes

Bloody hell. Maybe indeed. Hope lots end up coming but you call it off with half an hour's notice because you're 'tired'. Heh heh.

Yika I know! With 72 hours to go that is quite rude isnt it?

I appreciate what has been said about fb, notice period etc and have taken it on board however a bunch of maybes just suggests they are bitchy bastards who are holding out for something better with three days to go! Gits

I had to turn a short notice housewarming invited down yesterday, definitely not the same one.

If I'm having a gathering then I double check the few people I really want to come before inviting others.

I never understand why people don't respond to invites though, how hard is it to say 'doesn't work for us, sorry? '

I'm early 20s and wouldn't be impressed with an FB invite....

plus you 'let them off' your birthday?

Er, what??

A friend of mine who had to 'et me off' would be quickly dumped.

All of your posts come across to me as a demanding friend.

It sounds like they just don't like you that much, sorry.

They are not necessarily holding out for something better, but for someone interesting to attend.

I suppose, from all the mass facebook invited I have received, I have only attended one (close friends made their babys Christening an event on FB), but been very keen to see who else was going before bothering to reply....