to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

How much dance do they do currently? At 4, 6 and 8, my three did one and then two classes a week respectively. At 10,12 and 14 they do 2, 1 and 6 respectively. The classes are longer and obviously more specialist. If they want to do other genres, they have to do ballet as well, if they want to do ballet, some schools have a minimum of two classes a week. Tap shoes, jazz shoes, pink leather ballet shoes, pointe shoes, soft satin point shoes, not to mention the array of leotards, tights and skirts required. Oh, that's just one child.

One rides.

All are in scouts, guides, whatever. Yes, yes, the subs, but the three camps a year, which go to week long camps in scouts and guides in the summer and require sleeping bags, and rucksacks and hiking boots.

The phones, the iPods, the iPads, the wii, the netflix account, the pot luck bring baking, bring buns, brings x, y and z, the school fundraisers, the haircuts, the shoes, the food. The new winter coat because it got left at school never to be seen again, the gym kit, the indoor trainers, the outdoor trainers, the track suits, the... You can't have lost your swimming kit AGAIN!!!

Mine don't even GET pocket money. I can't afford it.

When ds was little he ate less, his clothes were dirt cheap, and there were always a lot of second hand/hand me downs. Now he eats like a horse (he's 10), his clothes cost more, wear out faster, and he already wears the same shoe size as me!!!! which means paying VAT, plus he is more fashion conscious which means he doesn't want to wear something he hasn't had some say in. If it was up to him he'd wear brand names, I compromise by letting him choose within a certain price range. Dsd (11) is worse! She eats more than me and her DF, she is tall and wears adult sized clothes (it is really hard to find age appropriate clothes that fit - especially swim wear/underwear).

They ask for more expensive stuff for Xmas and bdays. It used to be Ben 10 watches and toy cars, now it's iPads and laptops!

Not to mention school uniform costs. At primary we could fit them out from tesco for under £50, this summer we forked out around £150 for dsd for big school!

you still have to fork out-just for different things...
...DS was 'chosen' as the only child in year 11 to build a computer as part of his GCSE coursework....so far it has cost over £500.It should be bloody gold plated;I could get a decent laptop for that!!!
...he's off on a school trip to Barcelona in 2 weeks....£550,plus a passport renewal (even though he had 3 months left on his old one his teacher insisted it was renewed)....40 Euros a day spending money...it's costing more than our 2 week holiday in France in August!!!
...meanwhile,my boots are leaking....

£150 . DS needed a £250 suit and naice cotton shirts like dad's for 6th form plus a new branded PE/Games kit. DD's was £450 with extra's - fortunately she hasn't grown for years.

I rationalise it on the basis that it is a miniscule percentage of the overall costs.

NearTheWindmill - you obviously realise that you live in a completely different world from almost everyone else? It's interesting to hear from you though, a bit like having visitors from an alien planet

Funny dromedary dd looked just like ET when she was born, we still talk about it. She's pretty now though .

It does seem alien, but from reading the OP I think she's half way to Mars already and needs to realise how choppy the flight gets. We didn't contemplate moving DS to indy until we had the full anticipated cost of the fees in the bank and half the mortgage paid off

Ah yes, we thought kids were pretty cheap. I was a stay at home Mum so we didn't even have childcare costs. We blithely had four of the little buggers.

We are reaping the whirlwind now though, with one already at University, and likely to have two at a time at University next year, and then for years to come.

Our costs aren't particularly for stuff, (we have successfully avoided all that designer nonsense), but more for experiences; learning stuff, trips, gigs.

Interstingly the years from 16 to 18 have had been relatively cheap. Mine get £80 a month allowance and top that up with one day a week working which yields another £120 or so. They probably have the most disposable income they will have for years.

Here its cheap. Dcs go to uni and work through it, save towards their own house deposits and pay for their own driving lessons. They walk to school and uniforms are same price as primary.

I guess at the end of the day it can be as cheap as you make it.

We choose to pay for activities, take them on weekends away, city breaks etc on top of holidays, theatre tickets and the occasional gig. We choose to pay for school trips. We want to help them financially when the time comes for uni, driving lessons, first cars etc. I guess that's because I know how much my parents helped me at their age. We save for weddings, gap years, house deposits... but with three if we didn't start now it could be quite the shock in years to come.

I know how much DH and I enjoy these things and want our DC's to have the same experiences. We honestly get such pleasure out of sharing experiences with them.

Sadly the food it non optional... I am off to do online shop .

It is a lot easier to make it cheap for babies who can't voice an opinion!

"It is a lot easier to make it cheap for babies who can't voice an opinion!"

So true.
It's also easier to make it cheap for babies as they won't feel left out of their peer group for not joining in outings, birthdays meals etc.

annie my experience is it can be tricky for students to find jobs that fit around living in two different places and lectures etc. Just out of interest, what sort of work do your DC do that fits in with uni, assuming they are away?

Yeah, babies.

I grind my teeth every year when I see a thread with a poster boasting that they've spent 30p on all their dcs and how they filled their stockings with a wooden spoon and a satsuma.

Now try that one on a teenager. They will leave home.

My dcs are completely undesignery. And they do get things from charity shops/ebay. Nevertheless, unless you are going to board a time machine and head off to North Dakota c. 1870, your dcs will be less than thrilled with a life of complete austerity.

It's interesting to hear the perspective of rich people. This seems to be that a rich couple who send their current DCs to top private schools with all the add-ons of expensive hobbies, trips, clothes and other belongings, heading towards paying for university etc, should not have another DC if they will not be able to continue with this lifestyle for all their children. In which case a very rich couple would decide that they can't afford another child, whereas a far poorer couple would happily go ahead with one.
Does there not come a point where the desire for another child would bring about the terribly drastic decision of putting one or more children into state education? Or would bringing a child into the world in the knowledge that it might need to be state educated be too selfish?

Yes, teenagers eat more food, but as some posters have already said, they don't attract the childcare costs that a much younger child does.
As for mobile phone contracts, ferrying them all over the place and paying for driving lessons, insurance and cars. . This is not a necessity.
I paid for the first 10 driving lessons for DS as a gift for his 17th birthday, he paid for the rest. It took him about 8 months to pass his test during which he had between 2 and 4 hours of driving tuition a week. He paid for these himself out of a part time job he had whilst he was at college.
I bought him a PAYG mobile when he was a teenager which he had until he was 16, when I got him a contract phone. When this contract expired (2 years later) he got his own contract and has continued to pay it himself since.
He has generated his own income since he was 16, so whilst I was happy to continue to feed him and wash his clothes, I could not afford to provide him with designer clothes, expensive phones and driving lessons, and I only know of one woman who has been provided with all of this as a teen. She is now a fully grown 26 year old in a relationship with 2 DC and she lives with her partner, yet her mother still pays for her phone and buys her a new car every few years because apparently she can't afford it.
What's wrong with children who are old enough to want these things understanding that parents can't afford everything they want?
I never saw it as my sole responsibility to financially support DS through driving lessons and expensive mobile phones, designer clothes and nights out with friends.
I'm surprised so many parents believe they are expected to provide these things for their children.

Btw, I live in a remote area and DS made full use of public transport until he could drive and afford a car. Occasionally I would give him a lift, but not constantly. I would never have been able to afford it.

On university fees as people have said they can obtain a loan for the £9k fees and then additional small loan which will not cover all the rent and then they usually have a job and the parent helps a bit too. In our case I have paid the fees from choice so they could graduate debt free as I did but I realise there are lots of pros and cons to that. It worked for us.

(Nearthe, hello)

Their education is more expensive. Extra curricular classes and activities (and as they've become more advanced) cost hundreds of pounds per month nowadays. Plus associated equipment and expenses.

Food, clothing etc

Has anyone mentioned braces? They cost a fortune I'm told.

I found it cheaper before they got opinions

My eldest is 12, I've been a SAHM and then worked from home so child care costs have never been a factor for us, but her running costs have increased

Just looking at basics,
Food - definitely eats more
Clothes are more expensive in larger sizes plus she's now becoming aware of brands and wants Jack Wills, Hollister, etc like all her friends
Her high school uniform is about 3 times the price of that in primary, 1 blazer at £50 cost the same as a her primary school cardigan + few pairs of trousers + polo shirts from Matalan, that's without the logoed PE kit, football boots that were only used for 6 weeks, etc
Shoes - she's now heading into adult sizes

Then she wants to go to the cinema with her friends, bus fare, mobile phone credit, Christmas presents are smaller but more expensive, lots of places stop child fares at 12 now so we get stung for adult prices on days out, school residential trips, out of school activities and equipment is more expensive now she's older

We haven't reached the driving lessons/uni age yet.

oh yes I second braces, DS2's were almost 4k. Another thing I thought of was if they go through the losing stuff phase. DS1 and 3 both had a bad case of it. DS3 even managed to lose his school trousers at school!

I think dromedary that once you have started on a road by putting dc into the private system it is very difficult to turn back and if that means transferring children who are already in the private education system into the state system then yes that would be selfish. It was academic for us because we wanted three or four but struggled to get two. If at the very beginning our dreams had come to fruition we would have cut our cloth - in fact if I could have given up every penny and ended up in a caravan I would have if it meant DS2 could have survived.

*Has anyone mentioned braces? They cost a fortune I'm told.

Yes, my DS has braces (coming off in the summer-yay!) on the NHS. they have to be measured to see if they are eligilble and not just being done for cosmetic reasons.

ah bless you op.

ok food, food food food food food and food.

phones phones phones phones and phones.

clothes clothes clothes clothes.

school trips, family holidays, going out with mates, petrol to get them to and from parties and events.

presents for friends, boy friends and girl friends.

oh and the Jewell in the crown!!!! getting them through uni and realising that after rent is paid the loan is now £100 to see them through the year.

we have 1 out of uni and 1 just finishing. both moving back home as can't afford to move out and 2 teens.

it's very very difficult. and they all have had jobs.