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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

311 replies

shhhw · 29/01/2014 10:38

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

OP posts:
Mumof3xx · 01/02/2014 06:59

My eldest two are 4 and 6 years old

They both have a trust fund in December ds1s was worth about 3600. I hope by the time he is 18 it would be around 15,000 or slightly more

I do intend on letting my dc know that if they want driving lessons, cars, to go to university then they will need to contribute!

Youngest dc missed out on a trust fund but I have set her up a child isa which I pay slightly more into so by the time she is 18 they will have had similar amounts (boys hitch had £500 from the government)

Ragwort · 01/02/2014 07:19

Clothes - things from Next or whatever just WON'T DO. It has to be Holister or Jack Wills or Superdry

And parents indulge these tastes Hmm - surely that is a lifestyle choice?

My DS fully understands that if he wants 'expensive' clothing he has to save up from birthday/christmas/pocket money and buy them himself. Although one look at the prices in Superdry and he completely changed his mind.

Most of us probably think Next clothing is expensive Grin.

annieorangutan · 01/02/2014 07:45

If you dont buy it they will be spurred on to buy it themselves I had my wedding, flat deposit, school hol trip, driving licence and uni all paid for and sorted by myself by 25. If you dont provide everything they will grow up with a good work ethic.

annieorangutan · 01/02/2014 07:51

In response to profplum - There are lots of jobs that fit round waitressing, chambermaiding, cleaning, admin on your home phone where they call you and sort problems you just need a laptop, bar work, shop work, babysitting if you get in with right family very lucrative, care work including sleep ins.

I have done the lot and paid my own way through uni. Everyone on my course had a job. I have friends on BA or MA Social Work, nursing, PGCE, Bed etc all very intensive courses but I dont know anyone that doesnt work as well.

MrsAMerrick · 01/02/2014 07:58

We have 2 teenage dc and I think costs now are probably the same as when they were pre-school. When they were little my (part time) salary was exactly the same as the childminding costs. I now work full time and about half my salary goes directly on their costs.

I pay £200 pm for their allowances, about £100 for their school lunches (they take packed lunch most if the time), £200 for driving lessons for dc1 plus £80 for insurance. £80 for dc 2 music lessons, plus £20 for sport subscription. We live in a very rural area so the driving is almost obligatory.

Obviously things like school trips are optional, and we have avoided the most expensive ones, but we paid out over £1k last year for 3 school trips.

We take them to visit their grandparents who live abroad, and they are adults on the plane so that is £ 3600 for 4 plane tickets because we have to go in school holidays. When they were preschool we used to go for about half of that because we would go at a cheaper time. I appreciate most people don't have family abroad though.

On top of that there is the cost of the food, they can eat through serios amounts of cereal and bread.

If I think about it though, the biggest cost of all is that when they were small we outgrew the house we were in and moved to a larger one, adding £100k to our mortgage.

Both dc are likely to go to uni, so that will be several thousand a year per child even if they get maximum loans etc.

I think if you are already in a large enough house, avoid things like school trips or holidays, and are paying large childcare bills, then the cost is the same. If you have to factor in moving house or if your children go to uni then they are definitely more expensive.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 08:03

I don't find it necessary to indulge all these 'wants'. Mine have always known that I have a top price for trainers and clothes, if they are not happy with what they get for that price they topped it up themselves.
There is no way I provided them with a phone contract! They have the same as me, cheapest phone and PAYG until they finance their own.
They had 6 driving lessons for their 17 th birthday and then they financed the rest. The youngest had a different present because he was never going to be able to finance the rest. He still can't drive but he lives and works in London so doesn't need to. They bought their own cars.
I have splashed out on school trips because I felt going to Russia etc were wonderful opportunities that we couldn't afford as a family. I have paid out for hobbies, but thankfully not have been terribly expensive.
Your expenses are not necessary ArgumentsatChristmas, they are your lifestyle choice. (I am not surprised you get the arguments at Christmas as they seem very 'entitled')

TamerB · 01/02/2014 08:04

They are paying off their loans for university.

annieorangutan · 01/02/2014 08:07

Most of my friends leave uni debt free except for the loan from the government. I would definitely not take on extra bank debt whilst a student, and most people dont have parents funding them, or a room at their parents house. There is no reason to get in debt if you work hard.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 08:08

We did set aside money so that bonds mature when they are 25 yrs but we didn't tell them this at 18 yrs when they went to university,it was much better for them not to know and be as frugal as possible!

dementedma · 01/02/2014 09:31

Catching up with this - did someone really say clothes from Next etc wouldn't do? Oh dear. I aspire to being able to buy mine clothes in that price range...
And jobs at uni? Dd has a Saturday/Sunday job which necessitates a 6am start both days and extra hours in holidays and when she can.
Dd1 works all hours in a shop to fund her OU degree and pay for driving lessons.
And I think they don't pay their way nearly enough lol

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2014 09:38

The clothes from Next thing is complicated.

DS1 is 14. I fully expected him to be wearing Debenhams/Next etc as a teenager. But all of his (very nice not at all spoilt) friends wear more expensive stuff. They just do. So obviously he wants to-it didn't come from me or DH.

So what do you do?

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks · 01/02/2014 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2014 09:45

Actually, for some reason Primark is acceptable for some things Drugs which I don't understand.

For some stuff I tell him what I am willing to pay and he has to put the rest.

Top Man is also ok-but I think it's £££££s for no better quality TBH.

dementedma · 01/02/2014 09:48

I understand sparkling but shopping in what for me is "expensive" just wasn't an option. It was supermarket clothes, hand me downs from friends, second hand. Now the girls have part time jobs they buy stuff from Asos and Top ShopShop and Zara mostly.
Ds is 12 and I get him stuff from Asda, Sports Direct etc.
All of my branded stuff comes from Charity shops but accept this isn't to everyone's taste

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2014 09:53

At the moment DS1 has an aversion to shopping so it's not too bad. So I have bought stuff and just given it to him. An Asda t-shirt, and a load of shirts from Burton sale all deemed fine. Shock

I got him a Nike waterproof from the charity shop and he wears that.

BUT, this afternoon we are going coat/shoe shopping. When he is there with me he will have an opinion.

I do take some comfort from the fact DS2 gets to wear it all as hand me downs. Because DS1 is growing so quickly it isn't worn out.

hoppinghare · 01/02/2014 10:10

Mine will get cheaper. I've taken a career break until they are all in school so we are down my entire wage. When I return to work we will have to pay for childcare but we will still have lots of my wage left. Therefore they are far more expensive at the moment.

uselessinformation · 01/02/2014 10:20

Not all teenagers are interested in designer clothes. My ds dislikes labels and shopping for clothes. His clothes look good and are from matalan with shoes from sports direct. He does eat a lot and I seem to pay more for school dinners. He does the same clubs as when he was younger and the cost hasn't gone up much. I pay almost the same for the school bus as I did for before and after school care. He has10 per month pocket money and 13 per month phone contact. Im a single parent so have always had to pay adult price for him for holidays as he is classed as the second adult and holidays have always been in school holiday time. So no, it doesn't cost me that much more, that is until driving lessons and uni come along.

NearTheWindmill · 01/02/2014 10:21

My dd is more than happy with Next.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2014 10:37

I wouldn't say DS1 is 'interested' in designer clothes. He just wants to fit in.

Disclaimer: He has had to change High Schools and fitting in is of major importance to me and DS1.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 10:40

I don't see the problem, Sparkiling, what you do is simple, give him your top price and he chooses within it. Any argument and you tell him that when he has his own money he can shop where he likes.

NearTheWindmill · 01/02/2014 10:42

I don't resent my DC having nice clothes though. If I buy myself a Radley handbag occasionally, I don't see why they shouldn't have the occasional something from Jack Wills or the odd designer top or t shirt.

TamerB · 01/02/2014 10:44

14 yrs was my time of the biggest rows about it but I stood firm and they just accepted it in the end. Funnily enough it was my nephew, who buys all his things in charity shops, who got stopped on the street and photographed for a magazine as 'looking cool'. It proves you don't need a lot of money- he just has a good eye for what goes together and he is a leader rather than follower. Even my children, who don't go near charity shops,were impressed.

NearTheWindmill · 01/02/2014 10:45

Thinking on my ds would not wear clothes from Next, not in a million, zillion years - he doesn't mind Uniqlo though.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2014 11:06

Has anyone seen teen boys clothes from Next though? Tops from age 3-16? The same? Confused Why would they want to wear a top that a 3 year old could be wearing?

NearTheWindmill · 01/02/2014 11:10

My DS won't even look at the men's stuff Sparkling. It's middle aged and on a par with M&S. "That stuff you buy for dad for holidays"

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