to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

CaptainGrinch A common misconception is that the little darlings an get loans. In fact, if their parents earn over a certain amount (? about £40k) then the loan is restricted and won't even cover accommodation let alone food, or, heaven forbid, books (or travel, or clothes). The max maintenance loan is £3,745 for the year if you are outside London, not living with parents. Accommodation is likely to cost around £5,000 pa. If parents don't stump up then the children of the well off CANNOT go to university. It makes me cross for all the teens with parents who can prevent them going if they don't choose the approved course or place.

Some students can earn through uni, admittedly, but at Oxbridge, you are not allowed a job and, as a medical student, there is not time to get a job so my DC would be stuffed if I didn't sub them. I find it ridiculous that it is within my power to deny them university education.

Icanseethesea I agree with you!!!

How would uni fees work for my DC?
I thought it would be
They get loan for 9k a year for fees
We pay their rent and give a small allowance
They get a job for the shortfall or maybe work in the summer.
DH is a high earner.
Have I got it completely wrong?

Creamy if your dh is a high earner then if you don't support your children's student loan application they will get more. Out of my daughters friends at uni only 1 has a job that they can fit round study but my daughter is on a particularly demanding course time wise.

My boys are not especially spoiled, they wear tesco, tkmax and charity shop clothes ( vintage darling),. they have £10 tesco contract phones or payg for youngest , however they still seem to cost a packet .

We are paying school fees too OP and bear in mind that the more extras available you will want your child to avail themselves of some of them, otherwise what are you paying for .

Lancelotte is right it's things like choir trips orchestra practice, tickets for theatre productions , instruments, LAMDA lessons , sports kit is astronomical and whilst we do have quite a bit of second hand I draw the line at second hand body skins for sport, stale teenage sweat is not good .

Bear in mind as well that admissions to attractions , train fares etc all increase for teenagers, just visiting a museum as a family can cost a fortune.

Plus you might be happy in charity clothes but there is no guarantee that your teenager will be , they develop their own tastes and its right you don't walkways want to be saying no .

Creamy, they will get the minimum loan for maintenance , or you can choose not to take it.ds1 lives on the loan and we pay his rent.The fees are just paid by the tuition loan.

It is quite difficult to not support their application, you basically have to prove that you have completely disowned your child.absolutely no going home at holidays etc and I think they expect a legal document now .

Bras, bras can be very expensive I have a dd who wears a 30d not the easiest size to find and none of the cheaper shops stock that size and if the sizes are generous at all she needs a 28dd needs a loan before going underwear shopping again

Thank you I think I've got it now.
They get a loan for fees
Then smaller loan to live on
We pay the rent
Then hopefully they get a summer job or if not we pay the shortfall.
I didn't know about the maintenance loan.

One of Dsis friends had to drop out because her parents would not support her financially. Her parents are both high earners but they have a firm attitude that you are on your own the second you turn 18.

She managed to prove her independence a year later and gained a place on another course. The poor soul was distraught.

outtolunch it's easier than they imply, it happened to us by accident because they wouldn't accept some paperwork I'd supplied so issued my daughters loan without my income taken into account. The living independent is where they want assesing for a maintenance grant in their own right, not supporting the application will mean they won't qualify for a grant at all but would get a full loan.

Yes I want to help. I went to university as a single parent and lived in poverty so hope my DC's experience is better. That's what it's all about I think.

Yes I have teens... GROWING TEENS who have their heads in the fridge and cupboards at every opportunity, who need feeding constantly.

Going out for meals is expensive. Going on holiday we pay for four adults.

And yes, one of mine turns 17 in June and we will pay for driving lessons (we live in a village with limited buses).

It's insidious and creeps up on you. DS started Middle School this year and there's a FB group for parents of his year. By the 3rd week of September those parents who didn't have an older child were sounding very stressed about the demands for money.

Those of us who have done it were before we're vaguely saying oh yes, it is expensive, you get used to it. There was an air of resignation from us all. Then more stuff creeps in as they hit teenage years. Topic of conversation starts to be 'are you having problems remembering things these days ?' this is nature's way of softening the financial blow of having teenagers. People have listed lots on here but you can bet your life there's another whole load of things we've forgotten as life before them is a distant memory.

I've skimmed the whole thread. I agree with everyone about food, clothes, activities, trips, etc., notwithstanding shedloads of clearasil, hair gel, Lynx, nice bubbly bath, etc .

From the other side OP you also say your dc do a lot of lovely activities and go to private schools as did/do ours. So I think there are some other things to consider actually - not least the expectations your dc will pick up on as they get older and it just grows and grows as many posters have alluded to.

When DS started at prep his fees (London boarding were about £11k per annum, when he finished at 18 they were closer to £19k - similar pattern for dd who will transfer from reasonable gdst school in September to less reasonable Surrey public school [we think] for an extra £5-£6k for 6th form). The demand for state of the art tech does rise, are you aware that a flute fit for grade 7/8 is presently over a thousand pounds. Add in sports or music tours - it is very difficult when your child is "selected" for such a tour at £2.5k a go to say no (we did say no for the biology trip to the Galapagos Islands for £3,900 and still dine out on that one). DS has been on three such tours and is currently gapping in NZ - guess who pays - and believe me there is an innate expectation among parents in the indy sector that all uni costs will be absorbed - "ha, cheaper than school fees at £20,000+ - I hear that regularly". So, £36k of unbudgeted uni fees for two. I even actually know a family who switched from a BMW to a Merc to fit in their dd's harp .

In the indy world it is perfectly normal to expect to pay for: gym, drama class, sports club memberships (external to school), horse-riding, school trips (allow £4,000 a year for two), phone contracts (good phones), teeth - you would be amazed how expensive perfect teeth are when they are good enough vis the NHS, contact lenses, highlights, festivals (Reading, etc), ghastly trips to ghastly places in Crete and Spain which are a rite of passage, dalliances with thinking they might go to uni is the States. Driving lessons and a tiny, ancient car, shared with mum to get insurance credits are minimalistic in comparison.

I'm quite sure more will come to me. Oh yes, dd wants to be an actress and we have said we will fund RADA - first she wants to qualify as a doctor. We have said fine; providing you get some prof quals under your belt first in the hope she comes to her senses

For the record, ours aren't even awfully wanty. DD isn't interested in Uggs or a tiny diamond stud like lots of her friends.

It's all worse for us because this world was alien to DH who was dragged up around the corner from the local comp and remembers being hungry. As far as he's concerned the £8k on three sports tours has been worth every penny for the experience it has given ds and which he didn't have and would have preferred to a shared sandy ice-cream cone in Brid.

I think if you have to ask if you can afford a third child OP the sad answer is that to keep up the sort of lifestyle you have now, probably you can't. I'm sorry to be blunt but what will you do is times get tough - it's much much harder for a child to go indy to state than vice versa I think.

It does creep up, doesn't it? This week alone I have paid for a revision guide, new dance shoes, jeans, school-subsidised theatre trip, replacement memory stick if only my memory could be replaced that easily and dental hygienist.

Oh, and celebratory breakfast for the one who's just had his brace removed!

Sorry not London boarding - London day school, was about to write something about the cost of boarding in comparison and changed my mind but you know your dc's indies may well say "this school is perfect for your child's talents" And it will be 100 miles away and with boarding the fees crank up from 20k to 37k!

Food and clothes - UNBELIEVEABLE amount of them. Never stop eating or growing....buggers!

School fees £15k a year x 5 children.
Then university tends to cost many of us £10k a year per child and we often fund post grad studies too then weddings and help with deposits on first homes (£100k) in some areas.

Those are the main costs or if one parent gives up a £40k a year job they would have had for 30 years and ends up only able to earn £6 an hour the cost of the children is about £1.2m of lost salary.

It's lovely to see you LauraBridges. I've a new name too. I've missed you. I might be wrong but hope I'm not :). We've had many a spat but I don't think a nasty one.

Chokes on a bone ball

Windmill makes a lot of very valid points! Worth listening, OP.
However, you should also factor in increases to income over the same time period - assuming that careers will progress?

Lack of disposable income is likely to be highly restricted for a couple of decades, either way!

Fail!
Should have said Laura not Windmill !

ie nor

Thanks Redvision - crushed

At the risk of repeating what everyone else has said.... school fees go.up massively from junior to senior. It's not so much the driving lessons that are the problem but the insurance omg. And please save money for uni. I thought student loans would cover everything. Turns out I was wrong. Minimum maintenance loan of 3500ish. Rent is 6500 a year. Plus the kid has to eat. And live. Times that by 3 kids. Ouch. Plus holidays and entrance fees - suddenly you are paying adult fees when half the 'adults' in the family don't earn anything. Still, good times eh.