to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

Unknown to anyone who hasn't been there, are the hollow legs developed by teenage boys. It is a medical anomaly!
Kicks in at about 13 and lasts until they leave home. A pack of cereal that used to last a week will last two days...extrapolate for all other edibles. Multiple by number of boys, and then by how many friends they have.

Have the baby, OP.
Finance will stretch, because you will accommodate.
If you are running a financial spreadsheet on it then the biological imperative is patently too strong to ignore without causing you real grief

This, like most things depends on so many factors. A lot of people on this thread say that food is the biggest thing and I definitely know lots of my friends who have children that eat massive portions at teenage age.

That said, me and my dsis were terrible eaters. My DM said that what we ate wouldn't keep a fly alive. We didn't start eating proper size meals until we were past 18 and even then neither of us are massive eaters. My DD (10) and DS1 (6) are the same (DS2 too little to tell yet). I don't need to make much more for dinner than I did when it was just me and DH (although I do and it goes in the bin).

They are both tiny (DS1 is in size 3-4 clothes and DD is in 8 yo clothes). This is just who they are (me and Dsis are both under 5 foot). They both have clothes in their wardrobe that have fit them for a couple of years so obviously they don't grow very fast. Some children need new stuff every few months.

DD will walk or bike to her secondary school when she starts so no bus fares for any of them. Can't see either of mine going to university either (DD has dyslexia and struggles with school and hates it, DS1 has moderate learning difficulties).

DS1 doesn't do any clubs or activities due to his SN although I have tried him. He likes to do his own thing and isn't structured enough for a club.

Age gaps make a difference too. By the time DS2 (currently 21 months) is 13, DD will be over 20 and hopefully starting to get some independence and have a career/job.

What is right or done for one family is completely different for someone else.

RedRevision, I have 2 teenager boys and 1 grown up son so definitely know about hollow legs...and disappearing food!

OK Daykin, sorry to be sensitive, but I do get it a lot of the time - the idea that I would pay all that money because I expect a return on it, in terms of their financial / career future. And that is, I know, why some people pay for education. And, frankly, I'm sure it does buy that for lots of those people. But I am always glad to let the world know that some of us do it for other reasons - for the emotional well-being of the child now, every day of their lives.

FWIW, I was thinking about the friends I'd mentioned in the previous reply - the ones that couldn't drive, went off to jobs in glamorous locations, earned loads, and decided to have lessons. Actually, many of them still didn't buy a car, because they still lived in the glamorous cities with public transport abounding, but rented them when they needed to, because having a car you don't really need much can be a bit of an arse in London/ New York / Geneva. More of them now have cars since having children.

I wouldn't get arsey about a few hundred pounds if I had a few hundred pounds to spare - but I don't think parents should feel obliged to pay for things like driving lessons. So according to my original question, it isn't really anything that would make any difference to me in thinking about how much more older children cost than little ones.

Redrevision - thank you for the advice! This is what I suspect would happen - we'd manage - but it would make things really, really, really, really tight just when my current DDs (both highly in favour of having a baby at the moment when it isn't cutting into their riding lessons haha) are at a sensitive teenage point.

Summerblaze - age gap is an excellent point. Absolutely couldn't have afforded it with a smaller gap, but DD1 will indeed leave school mid-way through potential DC3's time...

Obvs if I don't stop watching this thread and do some work I will get sacked and then not only not be able to afford DC3, but also those ballet lessons etc will be going right in the bin...

School trips more expensive. (some compulsory for GCSE). Clothes more expensive (not just if you buy designer but my 13 year old DS is wearing a man's medium size and size 9 shoes so even buying from next/river island is expensive - thank God for primark here...).

School bus fares to secondary (here is £500 a year). They eat loads. You need to give them some pocket/spending money.

Upsides - they can babysit for younger siblings, they can travel by bike, a pair of shoes often lasts a year, childcare if you use it is less/nothing. They can be helpful round the house, and even do jobs you might normally pay for cheaper (e.g washing the car).

I have 4 so they've never done expensive hobbies as you mention though.

Actually, I found the girls tended to want to give up on the old hobbies when they hit mid-teens.
Both dropped riding and dance, because they had been doing them for years and were bored.

Swings and roundabouts!

Oh just seen your DC go to private school. Giving up activities won't be an issue, DD's best friend from primary goes to private school and has had to give up all her after school activities due to homework and extensive residential trips.

They are in my experience much more expensive when older..

'must have' branded clothes
much more expensive school trips
fashionable hair cuts
mobile phone contracts
transport costs (bus to college etc)
pocket money
prom and other such events

sparklingbrook DD has to make do with a humble Samsung blah blah, poor lamb!

Don't let it stop you having another, but one thing to consider is what if instead of doing the teenage thing of dropping all the constructive hobbies one of your DC decides to make it into their career. So paying for instruction to professional level outside schooling/university, kit to set up etc...

?! notso - perhaps that might just depend a little tiny bit on the school?! Do you think? DD goes to many of her activities with a local friend - liftshare, hooray - who is older than her AND at private school AND YET manages to do all this stuff (indeed, way more than DD). Though I do suspect, as I said above, that there's less need to do after-school stuff if you're getting it all in school. Whilst what you say may be true for your friend, it doesn't mean it is true for all schools, or even all children. In my area we are lucky to have a great deal of choice, so I've seen the differences first hand. Must be tough for your DD to be parted from her friend, though.

mine are now working so I am making money of them - raking it in, its paying for my holiday

Food food and more food and clothes cos the stupid sixth form does 'business wear'. Materials needed for specific subjects (art A level) essential trips, next years will be expensive but useful and then more food. Mine are girls and eat non stop once home.

Once your girls get older they won't want to spend days with family during the holidays they will want to be out with friends which round here normally means a day in Manchester and that starts to add up.

God, they were so cheap when they were little.
Dd 17 has singing lessons and drama school (£70) a week, trampolining, gym membership. Trips to theatre regularly and drama workshops in the holidays cost £££.
Luckily she babysits and busks so has a bit of money coming in..she gets £60 a month allowance
Ds 14 is still quite cheap as football is only £150 a year, gym membership, going to football matches but clothes are costing a lot more. he gets £30 a month allowance.

The food....they are both 6 feet tall, sporty and never stop. Ds has 10 weetabix a day for a start.

MinesAPint - I was imagining that they would only drop stuff in order to concentrate more on one or two things - so that would balance it a bit. I think it would be tough to decide on something as a career choice until really quite old - I have a good friend whose DD is a superb rider (they are much wealthier than me!) and that is of course a massively expensive hobby, and they are lucky to be able to support her in that, and fair dos I wouldn't be at all surprised if that does become her career. But they are not prepared at that age (12) to say for certain and to therefore neglect other areas of life (like homework, which is what her DD argues for!). But I guess factoring in any huge professional start-up cost again falls outside my original question which was about older children. If I were to plan for any eventuality like that (perhaps one of them will be an Olympic sailor - if you had seen them you would know how astonishingly unrealistic this is, but you never know...) I would spend no money at all ever from now on because the potential need for that fund is bottomless IYSWIM. Interesting thought, though.

shhw - I assumed charity shop clothes not for you as you mentioned being keen on the Boden Catalogue?

NB eating out can be done cheaply - with 2 girls (not yet teenage, admittedly) I can still manage to have a meal out for £10 or so. I love eating out, don't like fast food joints and don't have much money, so am eagle-eyed for a bargain.

Dromedary - yes, keen on the catalogue but am v good with will-power - can afford it at the moment, so can allow myself to buy from them, but would have no trouble at all sacrificing that if necessary for a third DC! Plus, I do still wait for all the discounts and offers that I get by email, apparently all the time. (Clothed myself entirely from charity shops for years - still spend almost nothing on my own clothes - just enjoy dressing up the DC.)

Impressive on the eating out, though - how do you manage that? I tend to go out to eat very, very rarely, so that we can then each have pretty much what we want (rather than the cheapest thing, though I think I have economy in my bones because I usually do, actually, choose the cheapest thing even when there is no need) but would love to go out to eat more.

Thought it was pretty standard for private school. I know several people with DC at different private schools and they have all said similar. DH's cousin was actively discouraged from all non school activities except a running club.
I suppose distance is a factor sometimes though which may not be an issue for you.
They still see each other, (she is the £1000 and MacBook friend) and both got to go to their choice of school so it wasn't as tough on them as you would think.

DD (16) has just discovered charity shops and has picked up some excellent clothes. She's thrilled with the money she's saving (a Jaeger jacket for £4) and even bought some Christmas presents from charity shops. Just a pity that jumble sales aren't what they used to be.

Ha

My sons 14 has size 10 feet and wears M men's clothing also his tutor is £25 per hour ffs and he eats like a horse

I often wonder why peopleask a question when they have already decided the answer

OP you have obviously decided that your costs won't go up to justify your decision to have a DC3. Despite everyone who has older kids on this thread saying that yes your costs go up.

That's not a criticsim by the way - good for you. I hope it turns out beautifully for you! And fwiw I think if you wait to see if you can afford it, you never will. I'd just go for it if I were you!

But I can tell you that older kids do cost more. It just seems to run though your fingers somehow!

Sadoldbag - I am not sure you should be feeding your son's tutor...

Lol he asked if he could have some fruit the other day he ate a whole punit of grapes and 5 oranges