to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

You say you won't pay for driving lessons, and a car, and insurance...but when it comes to the sheer convenience of having another driver in the house, you are likely to waver

^^ I'm not up to this stage yet but I know lots of parents who have done this so the eldest child can help out more. My friends eldest runs his siblings to school. Petrol/insurance/driving lessons are expensive but so is the bus for 4 kids (about 3K a year here). Of course, once you've paid for the first one you end up paying for the others and when you have invested so much in their education you don't want them to end up in a position where they are discriminated against in the job market because they don't drive.

school fees factored in, and I am super-blessed with family who do the childcare in the holidays when we are at work.

I am also starting to notice that (though I suspect this will change) although school fees = hideous, they do cover some stuff that I've seen other friends shelling out loads for. Lots of stuff is available in school as part of the curriculum that other people have to / choose to pay for after school, plus fantastic after-school clubs for around £5 per term which let them do all sort of other stuff - I am from state system so constantly astonished at the opportunities. Some trips are already included in fees (not all). Plus, as I say, v few people buy all the uniform new (I guess someone, somewhere is doing so but it is hard to tell, and I am a bit sensitive about things like that). Certainly, the scruffiest kids often turn out to be from the wealthiest families. But also (and again, this WILL change, I know) I have noticed that they are much more, well, childlike in DD's school compared to local (lovely) primary - my friend whose DD went into the state system at secondary level said it was a real shock to register the difference. So whilst I'm not saying that they've never heard of technology at DD's school (as I said, DD was desperate for an ipod), I honestly think there is much less pressure on us as parents at that school for material goods and gadgets than I've noticed my friends with children at the local primary get put under. For eg, my DD and her friends have no idea what Facebook is (or anything like it), or if they do it really isn't part of their world, whereas her exact contemporaries and good friends at the other school are all hooked, and therefore all convinced that they NEED their own devices and internet access!!!!! (and lots of them get it, too, so as not to be 'left out'). Sheltering might not be good in every way, but for this sort of thing i am v grateful to the environment of DD's school. I am prepared for a big readjustment when secondary level comes along!

No-one needs to pay fees up front for uni - they can be covered by a loan (as long as you're a Home/EU student and you're not doing a strange course at a strange college), but you should expect that your DC will have a shortfall of about £4,500 a year on maintenance if they have a non-means tested loan.

That's almost exactly what we were giving DD a year Scholes.

School uniform, food, holidays, meals out, money for a trip to the cinema with a friend, school trips and residential school trips, hobbies/music lessons, GCSE revision books. It does get a lot more expensive with teenagers. Mine are not really into fashion but the cost of the basics goes up when they are in adult sizes. Unless you've had teenagers yourself it's impossible to realise his much they can eat. I know you can say no to lots of these things but I want to provide all of the above off my DC.

A full time place at my DS's nursery is £1000 per month. My DD's state school is free and before and after school club is pretty modestly priced. I'm thinking that there are a lot of costs associated with having a very small child, especially if you work, which disappear or reduce as they get older.

For eg, my DD and her friends have no idea what Facebook is (or anything like it),

Really? Are you living on a remote Island? I have two teen boys of my own and I childmind 15 children (not all at the same time I hasten to add) from the ages of 3-15 and every single one of them knows what FB, Twitter and minecraft are - including the 3 year old who is pretty proficient on an ipad already!

Buying clothes cheap from charity shops (obviously not for you this) is much easier once they are in adult sizes.
Get them to do baby-sitting and you won't have to give them an allowance.
Holidays and after school will be much cheaper as they can stay at home or visit friends, don't need to pay for childcare.
Teenagers often give up things like ballet, which saves money.
If go to Uni most expenses are covered by the student loan, plus hopefully a part time job.

You say you won't pay for driving lessons, and a car, and insurance...but when it comes to the sheer convenience of having another driver in the house, you are likely to waver.

No, doubt it. We live in a city with an excellent bus service, hence me never needing to learn to drive when I was younger. My parents only learned to drive when I was about 10 (in their 40s) and neither of my siblings can drive (aged 28 and 38). DD can get the bus. Besides, you can't go out secretly boozing as a teen if you have to drive, can you?

Mothra - I grew up in the back end of nowhere. Both my brother and I started driving lessons on our seventeenth birthdays. We both paid for our own lessons and test (he had a part-time job; I saw it coming and saved up Christmas / birthday money in preparation). It would never have occurred to me that my parents should pay for this - I would never have accepted it. However, my parents took us for loads and loads and loads of driving practice. This meant that we both passed our tests after relatively few lessons. Yes, I was DESPERATE to drive. No doubt my parents felt the same. However, after 1 year I turned 18, wanted to have a few drinks, and my parents were back to being the taxi quite frequently, though I did drive too on other evenings. This is what I expect to do for my DC, too - it's what I signed up for (I guess you parent according to your own experience of being parented!) Which is not to say I am looking forward to it...

Daykin - my brother is 2 years older than me. Once he had passed his test, sometimes he drove me to places. He resented it, and I felt guilty - he had his own life. I would never want this for my DC. I strongly suspect my DC will want to learn to drive. I also think they are unlikely to be discriminated against in the jobs market because they can't drive. I was one of very few of my friends at University who could drive (though I didn't have a car there - not allowed). My close circle of friends all went into city-type jobs involving tube trains and buses. Many subsequently learned to drive for their own benefit, lessons paid for with their (no doubt huge) salaries. I took a different path. They have much nicer cars than me now! But none of us have been discriminated against.

Daykin, also, FWIW, I'm not 'investing in their education' because I think it will get them better jobs in the future. I'm doing it because DD1 in particular is benefitting hugely in emotional terms from being in the environment we've found for her - that is, i think she is much happier where she is than she would have been if she'd gone to the local school (which is, as I've said, lovely). We moved to a cheaper house to afford it, so it wasn't a straightforward choice for us. Both my DDs would have been fine academically wherever they went. I couldn't give two hoots about any academic / job-related output, as long as they both end up happy, doing what they want to do. That's all I'm 'investing' in. I don't understand why people see private education as a choice directly related to future jobs and income - I don't doubt lots of people do buy into it for those reasons, but lots of us are just trying to make sure our DCs have the happiest life they can have.

It isn't just teenage boys who eat a ridiculous amount of food. DD eats loads, she does loads of sport and is thin as a rake but will eat more than me and I am a fat nacho.

OP you seem to be assuming your DC will happily give up activities, not want phones etc and you might be right.
However it is difficult to be faced with sometimes constant asking for this,that and the other. It is draining being the Mum who says no all the bloody time.
DD is a good girl, she does understand that she can't have everything. She has in the past not asked me if she can do things with friends because she doesn't want to be the 'poor one'.
It makes me feel bad when I have read her texts lying to her friends because they will can go to Manchester with £100 and DD will have £20. It makes it hard to stick to your principles when I could give her extra money and have her go off happy.
It is hard to feel under pressure to go against what you feel is right.
You say your DC will have to pay for a phone themselves, where will they get the money?

I shall laugh you off the planet.

Dcs little: hand-me-down clothes, school trips costing £6, nice days out at NT properties.

Teenagers: clothes in adult sizes so not VAT free. And the cost of shoes is eye-watering. Especially when ds went from size 3 to size 8 in a year.

People who moan on threads about the cost of school trips at primary school should put a sock in it. At secondary school even a modest residential trip is £300.

Eating out as a family - aaarrgggh. Even two coffees, two soft drinks and four cakes leaves you no change from £20. Dinner out is usually about £60 - and that's at a modest establishment.

I can't bear to think about university. Loans, scmloans... parents I know are paying £5K per annum for maintenance. Gulp.

nokidshere - seriously, I swear to you. And they're not daft or dopey - it just hasn't really come up. I like that they can be innocent(ish) for that little but more time.

Dromedary and TheBorrower - I am thinking we have a similar way of thinking about many of these things. Why do you think buying clothes in a charity shop is not for me?!

the poster who wants to know what my hobby is - it's nothing dodgy, and nothing unusual, but combined with other stuff I've said here it might out me to a colleague if I confirm what it is and I don't want her to know I am thinking about another baby. She is not pleasant.

OP surely jumping from 2 in private school to 3 is going to be the biggest financial difference, not iPods and ballet lessons etc.

shhhw how old are your children at the moment?

'No, doubt it. We live in a city with an excellent bus service, hence me never needing to learn to drive when I was younger.'

Borrower, I agree. My response was for the OP. We have excellent train connections here, but a number of friends live in the beautiful and isolated countryside with teenagers.

...and whilst I suspect I will be lucky enough to help my DC out a bit at least with Uni maintenance costs should they choose to go, no-one should be panicking about fees. As someone has said, no-one has to pay fees up front, and those who do want to (from the very best of intentions of course) would be better off not doing so, but waiting to see how much their DC actually have to pay back (it depends massively on what happens in their career and lots of people won't be paying back anything like the full amount - that's one reason why the whole policy is such a disaster). From what I've seen on this thread so far (obvs not representative of the nation...), the only people who are saying that they need to pay to cover a maintenance shortfall are those whose DC are on non-means-tested loans - get means-tested, and then your DC will have access to more money, not just from these loans but from university-specific bursaries etc. Unless you have enough money, of course. In which case, why wouldn't you want to help DC out? Anyway, this is right off topic, but please don't scare people who might be hoping to go to university - it is hard, but just affordable, without parents with deep pockets.

Uni fees, even with the loan element is making us struggle a lot, but if you have the income to pay for private education it may not be an issue for you. Dd2s loan doesn't even cover her rent for halls. We pay £150 a month towards that and then all living expenses on top of that!
Thankfully dd1 is doing her degree via OU or I would be shelling out twice. Mind you she is still at home so I have to feed and house her etc.
Holidays are way more expensive when you have 5 adults.can't afford flights so end up self catering in the UK.
Agree with all about the food.

Creamy - yes, exactly, but as I said earlier I know how much that will cost. I just want to know what the unknowns (to me) are...

nokids 8 and 4

More expensive pressies gadgets etc

OP, when I said 'investing in education' I wasn't having some sort of weird dig at people who choose private education. Even people who use state school put a huge amount of time and effort into helping their children achieve their potential and parents whose children go to university do generally end up supporting them financially as well as physically/emotionally. If you live outside of London a city then life is easier with a car. That's just life. If you work shifts, life is easier with a car. If you have to carry stacks of marking or equipment or tools with you then life is easier with a car. If you have to travel to different sites or appointments or meetings then life is easier with a car. I actually did pay for my own driving lessons (despite my private education) but I lived in the golden age where you could walk into a bar/restaurant/care home/shop and and if you could have a job and there was a good chance they'd give you one. My kids don't live in that age and I'm not going to get arsey about a few hundred quid to make their lives easier after years of 'investment'.

I only know about state schools but I have found having teens a lot more expensive than primary aged children. Mainly due to food costs, clothing and school trips. One has just been on a gifted and talented day for £50 and we are paying instalments at £50 per month for the other ones residential trip. You can't compare what a 4 year old eats and a 16 year old. I also have a grown up son who has left home who we were able to help with his house deposit on the house he rents with friends.