to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

Cerisier - 'if given half a chance' - I am hard core - there are no chances here hahahaha

Sparklingbrook - we rarely eat out anyway, and if we did go away would be v unlikely to stay in a hotel (with one exception coming up as a huge treat long-saved-for).

Basically, leaving aside spending a lot on education for them, we do let them do lots of activities (some quite expensive) so that they can make their own choices about which to pursue when they are older (and they will have to choose...). We're pretty frugal with what I'd call 'luxuries' like holidays and eating out, but we are lucky in that because of where we live and the friends and relations we have we seem often to get to do lovely things on the cheap one way or another (and DC are still little, so still love doing cheap things as long as they're with us!), so DDs have a rich, full and very happy life.
So, we do spend quite a lot, but at the same time DC get that we don't have lots of money to spare beyond what we already do, and that we have to make choices (for eg - DD1 was desperate for an ipod. This is way beyond what we'd spend on a Christmas gift. We said that all her adult relatives could club together, and she could have that, but only that. She chose that - obvs we got her a few bits and bobs to unwrap, but she was delighted with the choice she made and it never occurred to her to complain).

You are providing a lot of extra activities for the 2 children you have now and if you expect to continue dance/music at this level then all the other teenage costs will be on top of what you spend now. Stuff is just much more expensive as they get bigger and just as you don't want your children to miss out on opportunities now, you won't want them to miss out as they grow up.
I have 3 teenagers, one in YR1 at University, this month our extra costs are drama fees, DoE equipment, deposits for a rented flat for next academic year, petrol for journey back to uni plus added treats to take back, top up for this term's hall of residence bill, monthly living allowance, pocket money for the two at home, an extra bit of GCSE tutoring, some school uniform, a bit of sports kit, 2 x short trips at Easter. This was our January spend. I'm lucky, my boys aren't interested in labels and we avoid the school trips that are really expensive.

My DD age 13, is eating for England at the moment so I don't think this is confined to boys , just depends on when they have a growth spurt. She does a lot of sport as well so needs to feed the hunger that arises from that.
I have found I'm shelling out for sanpro, deodorant, face cleansers etc for her. She has just started to experiment with make up at the weekends but buys that from her allowance. Clothes are far more expensive. She is 5'4 and still growing, so most of her clothes comes from Top Shop, Superdry, Hollister, Gilly Hicks, occasionally New Look and H & M and are much more expensive. Shoes are all adult sizes, she plays club hockey so not only needs trainers but astro boots as well plus a club kit as well as normal pe kit.

The cost of friends birthday presents hasn't really changed, it's less all class parties (thank god) but spending more on less friends instead.

Although she has a monthly allowance she gets money to go to the cinema and pizza if she has run out, that's usually another £20 per trip gone at least.

School trips usually work out at around £1000 per annum and she doesn't get to go on the annual ski trip (that would be another £1000).

I really don't think girls are cheaper, I'm waiting for the request for leg waxing and highlights (she'll have to wait a while for those mind you).

For my my children, I have just found its food tbh they eat loads. With 2 teenagers, it's like feeding two adults. Actually it us, they are almost as tall as me.

I didn't appreciate how cheap eating of the kids menu is until ds1 started getting adult meals at about age 8. By the time he was 10 he was sometimes eating a full meal, and then another full meal while the little ones were eating 99p ice creams. He is tiny and skin and bone but can easily eat 2 main courses.

Crimes, and there was me hoping (naively) that they would somehow get cheaper because I won't be paying extortionate nursery fees.

"Paying for their travel when you stop driving them about - driving lessons, car insurance, car, halls when at uni (about £450 a month and that's before uni fees), food and travel when they're at uni and you'll still be buying their clothes and shoes."

Really? Is paying for driving lessons and a car a thing parents have to do? I had lessons, which I paid for, at 20, didn't ever sit my test, and have just passed my test at the grand old age of 33. I initially stayed at home instead of going into halls for I I, but when it was clear that it wasn't going to work out because my mum and I would have killed each other I moved into a student flat that I paid for with a student loan and working part time. Ok, parents helped me out, but these were things I was expected to fork out for. Also had to buy my own clothes.

School residential trips are a ridiculous price too

How big the difference is really depends on what they cost you now.

I have 3 DC's - DS1 is 11, DD1 is 9 and DD2 is 2.

DD2 needed new shoes and boots last week (local shoe shop) - £108
DD1 needed party shoes before Christmas (John Lewis) - £18
DS needed new Vans and boots - £89

So the youngest was the most expensive but I also choose to buy her those shoes instead of cheaper ones. That is rarely an option with DS as he is an adult size 7.

DS plays tennis and has stunt scooters/long boards - roughly £850 a year including kit and tournaments. Plus school trip at £375 and £60 spends = £1285.

DD1 goes to Brownies and swimming lessons - roughly £230 a year including kit. Plus 2 x brownie trips @ £75 each = £380

DD2 goes to playgroup, jiggy wrigglers and art club - roughly £400 a year plus book bug club (free) and soft play, day trips etc around £200 = £600

So yes DS is more but DD2 is still more expensive than DD1.

We find clothing balances out as all wear a mix from H&M, Next, Zara, M&S, John Lewis, Gap, Mayoral, Vans, Sarah Louise, Monsoon, Nike, North Face etc.
Plus DS's coat will be £140 but lasts him 2 years. The girls will be cheaper but they both have a play coat and a dressy coat each year.

I find the extra expenses are iPods, laptops, cinema trips with friends, pocket money, (soon to be phone!).
We also save for Uni each month.

Also ds1 swimming got much more expensive. 30min a week and I didn't notice the expense but 7 hours is a different matter, and swimming is a cheap sport compared to lots.

Gadgets
Driving lessons
Car insurance (on yours if you don't buy them one - thousands of ££'s)
University - the loan is means-tested, DS's doesn't even cover his rent, plus deposit on halls/house-share, bedding, towels, crockery, cutlery, etc. etc. etc..not to mention travel costs to open days around the country.
Deposit on first home, or contribution towards.
etcetcetcetcetcetcetcetc

All the above is optional of course . You don't have to do any of it if you don't want to.

Oh and food!
When we eat it is 3 adults and 2 children.

DS will also be full fare on a flight soon.

sparklingbrook - of course I realise that, and have thought v hard about lots of factors. Most of those factors are so specific to each individual family, though, that asking questions isn't really helpful (for every person who says they couldn't spread their attention well enough beyond 2DC, another will tell you of the richness and love that a bigger family can bring). Horses for courses. But I thought that when it comes to basic essential costs (and quantity of food is something which could, in a literal way, be measured) it was worth asking because that can be factored in to some extent and within the knowledge of our own limitations / aspirations, etc. BTW every time I have typed your name today I have mistyped it sparklingbroom - as I've never met you it can't be a Freudian slip though you do sound very organised in a sparkling broom kind of a way.

theborrower student loans don't come close to paying rent and it is much harder to get part time work than it used to be. Not impossible but it's really, really hard. A few years ago I employed quite a few students (uni and A level) in part time positions but now all my part timers are older, with 'day jobs'.

I worked from 10/11. Who would give a 10/11 year old a job now?

I have been called worse shhhw.

I am sure if we had had a DS3 it would all be fine. It's just that now seeing what even two entails (Year 10 homework help can take a while) it really made me realise that as far as my family is concerned that it's plenty IYKWIM without even factoring in money.

So are you any further forward after hearing some of the replies?

It depends on what your baseline is though, doesn't it?

I'm very much hoping that the £1200+ a month we currently spend on childcare (with food, clothes etc on top - admittedly not heavy for a toddler) won't be replaced with other costs + more once he goes to school! Unless we opt out of state education of course.

I would say teenage boys eat more than teenage girls but I think rom 10-11 onwards children eat at least as much as adults,

different places stop reductions for children at different ages some as as low as 12-13 years

even basic school uniform costs more in bigger sizes
as soon as want or need adult sized clothes there is VAt which is extra 20% even if basic price was the same though maybe need them less often a good winter coat might last 2 years not 1 as rate of growth slows

while you might need to pay for phones etc you will not be paying for paint glitter glue and stickers

extra curricular activities will go up in price

infant school age children are cheaper than children needing childcare before age 3 as paying for nursery all day everyday is more than most private school fees so childcare costs go down when start school ( irrelevant in your case as private education anyway)

God, is anyone else starting to panic about their tiny kids growing up?? And here's me, sitting pregnant with our second baby on the way

Daykin is right about it being much harder to pick up PT work as a student now, DD's loans covered tuition and rent, but nothing else. So we made up the shortfall.

Very true Jassy. Both mine at state school for a start so not paying school fees.

The thought of three lots of senior school private school fees would scare me to death, tbh

Daughters can eat as much as boys. And all my d's friends are boys as well. And having an only child means I have encouraged kids to come round (not a problem for you obv).

DS1 ended up at a high school 12 miles away so when his friends come over they are here for the day/weekend. Eating mainly.

DDs are in private school

Don't forget to factor in the price difference of prep school vs senior school and the inevitable annual inflation busting price increases in school fees.

Plus long school holidays where childcare may be needed presumably Impatient?

SparklingbrooK - hell, no, but is always good to have more info! I do think from reading these replies that a lot of what pepole are listing is stuff I probably wouldn't pay for anyway (flights, meals out, phone contracts, driving lessons), or would not actually make that much of a difference from where we are now (as I said above, I'm letting them try loads of stuff, but they will have to CHOOSE at some point, so though costs of one activity might go up if they do more of it, costs for other will disappear at the same time.) BTW, I'm doing this largely because DH and I have quite a particular type of hobby - it is actually his career, too - and I want them to find their own way and not just be swept along with what we've chosen (as I've noticed happening to many DC of people with a similar hobby). But there's nothing here that massively swings things.

Sheldons - funny you should say that, but one of mine (still in infants!) was asking this morning whether she could shave her legs!!!!!!! Apparently they are too hairy. Could have wept. Not sure what she thinks of mine, either... Told her to wait until she is at secondary school, but even then she will be given a bic razor or nothing! No way would I be shelling out for waxing. But then, I don't spend on it for myself either. You see - I am v frugal about many things, really.

You say you won't pay for driving lessons, and a car, and insurance...but when it comes to the sheer convenience of having another driver in the house, you are likely to waver.