to think that as children get older they can't get *that* much more expensive?

[shhhw]

OK, laugh me off the planet. But everyone recites this mantra constantly - that they get much more expensive as they get older. How, exactly? I am already paying for 2 lots of music lessons, ballet lessons, riding lessons, school trips, presents to take to constant birthday parties, shoes and more shoes, clothes etc etc etc. So if I choose to be mean with pocket money, where does the huge expense come? And when does it kick in?

No seriously BitOutOf - I really want to know if I am missing something. I still think I might be. Sifting out the stuff that we could do without (some of it more easily than other of it), the main big escalating cost mentioned here seems to be food, and clothes, and school trips. I'd not thought of the trips before, though obviously I realised there would be some difference in food / clothes, but as I said somewhere above I thought I might be able to sort of iron them out because I currently spend more than I need to on them - hence the Boden comment. But the vigour with which people say that their DC cost a huge amount more seems to be stronger than it would be if everyone just needed to factor in these things (even given the hollow legs syndrome mentioned). I suspect that this is partly because as has been noted, my DC already do quite a lot of quite expensive stuff, and that (as I've said) at some point they will have to make choices about that (their choices, though, not mine), so I won't be paying out so much more in the future than I do now. I also suspect that there are a lot of people on here who are giving money and stuff to their kids because they want to - which is a nice thing to do! - almost as much as because they need to. So this means that in making my decision I know (in so far as this thread counts as empirical evidence!) that probably for me, given my priorities and my children's personalities (as far as it is at all possible to tell at the moment), there will probably not be as big a jump in my outgoings when it comes to the teenage years as some people experience. This is comforting, and that's what I wanted to know. But I still think I must be missing something! What have I forgotten?!

I have four DS. The last one is now in his final year at state school.

What I can tell you is that we tied to save money during school years, as we knew that University would be expensive.

It is. Accommodation alone is £12,000 a year.

Never before have we been at a stage where we've spent more than we've earned. We're very close to that every month now.

If it wasn't for the fact there's two elderly sets of parents to look after, I'd be looking for work myself.

That you will want to help them if you can with driving, uni, leaving home, weddings. Also the influence of their friends. It doesn't matter how lovely the schools are teenagers do want to be like their friends. If you have 2 teenagers and 2 adults in a house you are paying out pretty much paying out for 4 adults from 1 to 2 salaries.

Food , I have three boys and despite my best efforts to cut down ,the fridge always seems to be empty.Clothes and shoes , remember there is VAT on clothes in adult sizes and that basically means most things for 12 and over .

They go to bed later and use epic amounts of hot water and consequently gas and electricity.

University costs , it's not the fees it's the cost of maintaining them.

There just always seems to be another expense ds3 needs dental treatment , unlike ds2 his won't be funded by nhs but really does need doing . Ds2 has lost his glasses , need to pay for replacement .etc etc

However I have three and would say go for it!!

The going to bed later is a good point. We actually moved recently partly so that we could get a separate reception room with Sky TV as we all go to bed at the same time and DH and I needed some time alone. Not essential I know but not unheard of either.

To eat out cheaply, I just keep my eyes open for the odd place which manages to serve good home-cooked and yet cheap food. Preferably in large portions so that 3 of us can share 2 portions.
Have just discovered a local café which I had been avoiding as it looks awful from the outside - think lorry driver's greasy spoon. Eventually tried it out and it's run by a lovely elderly couple who make great and v good value home made food. And amazing home-made lemonade. Also discovered a cosy pub which sells macaroni cheese with garlic bread (DCs love macaroni cheese and share one portion) for £4, and a bowl of ice cream and choc sauce for £1. And an amazing Spanish restaurant run by the real thing in an indoors market. A giant paella costs £16 and feeds 4.

Cream teas we are thinking if doing the same , plus the der boys need privacy too

Friends daughter started doing dance young and it grew. This meant more lessons so more costs, more competitions which means expensive costumes, a lot of travel and accommodation costs. The daughter will be making a career of it but is currently studying at a private dance college which is expensive and isn't covered by student loans but isn't something she can do at a standard university and the boost it will give her for her future is worthwhile. Yes she dropped other hobbies to focus but that didn't come close to covering the extra costs. Ok that is an extreme case but believe me their costs skyrocketed. The daughter is very successful though and does win a lot.

Yes it's been great. My teens have their own small living room now with our old TV, sky, playstation, their own magazines etc. It's completely separate from the main living room so DH and I can city up and watch our stuff.

My son is in his first year of uni, his student loan doesn't even cover the cost of his accommodation.

Currently £900 a month goes to pay for his digs, travel (bus to campus, too far to walk/bike) and food ( and probably a fair amount of alcohol too!)

You pay for the accommodation even if they spend 3 weeks at Xmas and 3 at Easter at home with you, he's 350 miles away so we have to pay for him coming home also

He's 6 foot 4 and eats like a 6 foot 4 student would.

When/if his sister goes we will have 2 lots of this to pay, my colleagues laugh when I tell them I'm only working to cover my kids uni costs.

Save anything you can now, you'll need it!!!

Also as another thought for you. If you currently spend a lot on birthdays/xmas etc, these presents will now consist mainly of clothes, shoes etc if my friends dc are anything to go by.

My young dc ask for toys etc now for these events (not to mention party or taking friends out bowling or whatever) but I still need to buy them clothes on top.

This may balance things out a little bit in favour of going for it re: dc3.

I do hope so as I am contemplating no 4.

When DD was 7 I was paying £20 a term for brownies. When she was 15, I was paying £25 for a 40 minute cello lesson.

Is that £900 on top of his loan wifeandmother?

Thanks for the encouragement, Summerblaze!

Re the last few threads - I've said this already more than once above, but I am only asking about costs of childhood, i.e. up to 16 (poss 18) but basically not including uni, driving, weddings, deposits, etc. As I am now affording school fees, I will have the income I currently spend on this (i.e. my whole, not inconsiderable take-home-pay) free when they actually leave school. While I comfort myself by thinking 'it's only x more years of pain and then I can stick my job and run off and weave lentils' when I am tired, actually of course I can and will chug along at work for as long as they need me as a cash cow - i.e until they are settled in life, whatever that means. I'm trying to work out a budget for the school years, while they are teens, and wondering how that compares to the school years, while they are little.

Scholes - but the point I was making a while ago above is that I'm already paying that for music lessons, for two instruments, each week (as well as Brownies - still £20 per term, by the way) and similar amounts for a load of other stuff. So when I hear older, wiser parents say that I won't believe how much more expensive it gets in the teens, I do wonder if that's not quite so much the case in my family. That's the whole point of my question, really! So, food clothes, school trips... and a playroom for young adults (already have this! hooray!)

JeanSeberg - universities recommend that around another £4,500 is needed a year on top of non-means-tested maintenance loans. Tuition fees can be covered in full with a tuition fees loan.

shhhw - well we can put an end to this thread now then because you've got everything covered and there'll be no financial surprises for you.

Sounds like you are all sorted then shhhw. Best get on with No3. Good luck!

Yes and all us lot didn't ever pay out for our DC when they were young. None of us paid for our DC to do karate, tennis, table tennis, trampolining, cubs, drama, cricket so we don't know what we are talking about.

The obvious solution to any financial problem here would be for the older DCs to go to a state run sixth form college? This is obviously not what the OP wants, but if she ends up having money issues, she will not be in any difficulty as free education up to 18 is there for the taking.

Scholes I was just surprised at the £900 per month on top of loan. I've got two at uni and don't contribute anywhere near that for the two of them.

Scholes I was just surprised at the £900 per month on top of loan. I've got two at uni and don't contribute anywhere near that for the two of them.

I never understand why people pay out for babies-it is a time when you can get by with all second hand, the baby doesn't care! Save the money for when you need it.

School fees are by far my biggest teen expense. If you are paying school fees, you might need to factor in what they will be when they are teens. DS1's fees are now £19k a year (day) - they were £9k when he started in juniors.

Can you afford 3 sets of teenage school fees? Or one set for your new DC alongside topping up university for your eldest?