Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

Groom has paid for the room, isn't asking DH for money.

Hmm. I've had to read this twice to try and get what's going on. I'd say YANBU for feeling pissed off about not being consulted about what is practical and ok for your DH and his family.

TBH I WOULD take the £240 room and use it for myself alone. I can only imagine a night watching what I want to watch on tv, no snoring at all, nobody hogging the bathroom making smells and farting, etc.

What would you say op if this was you?

On the eve of your wedding your maid of honour told you she couldn't spend it with you because her DH wanted her with him so that he didn't have to travel to your wedding alone the next day.

Reasonable? Or something the DH would get absolutely slated for on here?

If the groom has paid for their room then you having a hotel room on your own isn't costing you any less to stay in alone, so do that

Is he sleeping with the groom?

If I had the cash for two nights and had already planned to stay two nights I would just do it anyway and enjoy the alone time - have long hot bath, order room service and bask in the peace. I think YAB slightly U.

I can spend the night alone at home. The children are meant to be at my parents anyway, I can keep this arrangement.

I would grudge paying £240 for me to sleep in a hotel room alone. I really would.

it would be like throwing it back in his face to refuse it then.

But isn't that bag the size of a normal baby changing bag? So not terribly heavy or cumbersome? (I accept I may be underestimating quantity of make up/hair product )

Any more I mean!

Why don't you just check in the night before too? Regardless of what the boys are doing, there shouldn't be any reason why you can't have a relaxing night in the hotel before the big day. Makes sense to me.

This is what I would do. The room costs the same whether you both stay in it or not, why not just go and have a nice evening alone? You could read and order room service and go to bed early. I think it sounds lovely.

Juno, don't do it all alone. Tell him you're going with him. He's to do all of the things he planned with the groom. You're going to book into the spa, relax for the day, then have a long hot bath, order room service and curl up with a good book or a film. Jobs a good un. Btw I've had two c-sections and didn't fell 100% driving at 6 weeks. Just tell him that and get yourself to pampering heaven

In that case Juno can't you still just go and spend the €200 on the room given you would have been spending it anyway? Since DH isn't spending the extra on the other room as it's free?

I thought you were going to be paying for 2 rooms but if not it doesn't really matter which room your DH sleeps in.

Is there a cheaper option closer to the hotel

wedding id say she WBU.

But if her DH had just had surgery a few weeks before and was worried about travelling there alone the next day, I'd say she WBR.

Well, you will get up and get ready without assistance wherever you are sleeping. You said you could get a lift. Not sure how much luggage you will be carrying for an overnight stay, and without kids?

Also not sure why your dh needs to sleep in with the groom, unless they are planing a last male homo-erotic dalliance before the wedding.

In your shoes, as you were already planning on spending the day at the spa, nothing much has changed, your dh gets his jollies with groom, you get a nice supper and wine and relaxing bed time tv.

Sounds like bliss to me.

I had assumed that the morning struggle would include dc handover etc. but if not, then I'm not sure would be a major undertaking.

So is it just that you're jealous that he gets to stay in the hotel and you don't?

But it's the same price as you'd pay anyway, if your DH stayed there too, plus it'll save you having to take two cars and you still get to do what you wanted

Xpost with everyone. But you're paying the money anyway! It's the same cost.

I thought YANBU up to now but now I'm switching to YABU.

OP could let her dh do the kids handover before going.

No cheaper options. Hotel is in middle of nowhere.

We can spend £480 and have 2 nights together. This was the plan.
We can spend £480 and spend one night together.
We can spend £240 and spend one night together.

But Juno - weddings are generally lengthy and tiring affairs.

If the op is still suffering post op effects to the extent that she'll thinks she'll struggle to travel alone, how is she going to manage the actual wedding?

I rather spend 480 and hand the kids over with dh, let him drive to the venue, and laze at the spa, and sleep without him one night, as opposed to doing the handover solo, driving up solo and get there just in time for the wedding.

I'm not jealous at all. Jesus.

I'm annoyed that I've been totally fine with the stag do (4 nights abroad when the baby is 3 weeks old) and made zero fuss, and now I feel lm the last thought, again.