Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

X post. Still don't understand why DP can't say no to the groom?

Flipping autocorrect, should read ' imperative that you attend' not 'more arrive'....

The DH says no to the groom.

nugget don't know. He stayed the fact that the room has been booked. Haven't discussed it as I got pissed off.

norma loads. But that's not the issue - we've spent more on my friends weddings in the past.

woowoo that's my concern. Am I being precious and self centred? Should I just let whatever happens happen and fit myself in?

Take, not yake!

YANBU. There seems to be a quite a few reasons not to bother at all, I don't understand why you are insisting you have to be there? It's your husband's best friend, not yours.

mumbai should I? Groom is expecting DH to sleep in his room the night before.

I'm not going to spend £240 to sleep in a hotel room myself. We haven't booked yet, no.

I wouldn't miss his best friends wedding. I think it's odd people are suggesting that.

I'd be really angry if he spat the dummy and didn't come to my friends wedding, especially if I was a bridesmaid, because he wasn't getting his way. Being annoyed and not going are totally different.

I don't think you are being precious OP. You had plans in place and now they've changed and there doesn't seem to have been any discussion about it. The groom shouldn't have just booked a room without checking. However doesn't sound like your DH is too bothered about the change in arrangements (apologies I picked that up wrong) so maybe you just need to discuss what he wants to happen??

expat would you think I was being reasonable to ask him to say no?

I just need to know if IABU.

Sorry, I can't advise as I still can't get over leaving your tiny baby - both of you.

Could you talk to your DH?

Groom is expecting him to sleep in his room? WTF. Nth is is not the groom's fault, it's your husband's for not telling him no.

I haven't discussed it at all.

I'm pissed off and hormonal and I need to know if IABU before I broach it with him.

You shouldn't have to ask him to say no, he's being a. Arse for even considering it.

I think you're being unreasonable - nothing has been booked. You do seem a little thoughtless and self-centred tbh.

Yabu.

It's pretty common for the best man to spend the night before with the groom.

When DH was best man for his best friend, he stayed with him the night before. The wedding was 200 miles away and we had a 2 year old and a four month old.

We all travelled down the morning before the wedding and checked in to the family room. DH left at around 7pm. We stayed in the hotel without him and I got myself and the dc ready (alone!!!) the next day and met him at the wedding. Then we all stayed in the hotel together the night of the wedding.

You are being precious.

WooWooOwl I don't think you should be pissed off at any of them, it's perfectly reasonable for a groom to want to spend the night before the wedding with his best man

Never heard of that before! If the man can't get married without having his best fwend there the night before to hold his handy-hand, then poor show.

OP, just take over the booking yourselves and book two nights. I think its a bit menfolk and womenfolk are two different species kind of thinking. If the hotel costs that much and is nice to stay in, you might as well both go for two nights. Different if your DH was single, but he is not.

hamlet sorry but I'm not precious about leaving my baby for a couple of nights. It's not my first child, it's not a big deal. I work FT and will be back at work 2 weeks after this wedding, leaving the baby for 9 hours a day.

So you can now get over it.

Not BU OP. Wtf does the groom care where he sleeps? Unless he just didn't think about what you were going to do and thought he was just doing your DH a favour booking the room. Still should have checked with you though! I would assume partners were travelling together to wedding and not arriving on different days.

I don't think it's unreasonable that you don't want to have to travel separately on the morning of the wedding, already dressed etc. I can't see why you being at the hotel as well would be a problem so long as you are happy to spend the afternoon evening of the day before doing your own thing, which you have said you are. Your DH can still do all the best man things with the groom, just go back to your room afterwards. Might be different if it was local to you, but it's not. What does your DH think?

I don't get these big weddings with bride and groom expecting their entourage to sleep with them in a room like a group of teenagers. How puerile and stupid.

Sorry, missed the part where you hadn't discussed it yet.

wedding I think my issue is that I was planning to do what you said, but the option has been taken away without my involvement.

Now I have to travel there alone the next day.

What you did is what I was planning to do!

Why don't you just check in the night before too? Regardless of what the boys are doing, there shouldn't be any reason why you can't have a relaxing night in the hotel before the big day. Makes sense to me.

The groom doesn't need his best man to sleep in a room with him.

Are they doing this so they can have a big boozy night together, before the wedding? (Which actually I think is a stupid idea.)

I don't think you're being unreasonable.