Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

It's his wedding. He doesn't have to plan his wedding around you. He isn't at fault and if you're going to be cross then be cross at your husband.

However I don't actually think it is unreasonable or OTT for the groom to have imagined that your dh as best man would spend the night before the wedding with him. It's fairly traditional, just like bridesmaid spending night with bride.

I think you do sound a bit precious.

Is it really that big a deal for you to make your own way there (given that you have ruled out the possibility that you might not be physically up to it in your previous posts)?

Your dh should really have told the room that he couldn't go to his sleepover(!) because he (dh) had already made other plans.

It's not unusual for the groom and best man to share a room the night before a wedding, my DH did both when he was the groom and when he was best man. I guess it's possible the groom had assumed his best man was staying with him.

I would do that whoknows, but tbh I'm not happy spending £240 on a hotel room to sleep alone.

I (and dh) would be very unimpressed if dh's best man refused to spend the night before the wedding with DH, just because his missus can't do without him for one night.

If you were to have the dc with you I could understand a little more...getting a toddler and baby ready on your own for a wedding is a PITA at best, especially when you're trying to look half decent yourself...but you don't even have to do that.

Oh ok, so you haven't booked your room yet, but the groom has booked a room for him and DH. I think this can easily be resolved by your DH saying to his mate, that actually Mrs Juno wants to stay the night before also (means she doesn't have to drive, can get ready easily etc) and that he wants to share with you his wife. But, and here's the compromise, he will spend the evening eating/drinking with the groom, which I think is normal, but go back to your room to sleep. Yes it will mean that you don't get to spend the evening with your DH but you will still be sleeping together which sounds like more what you are worried about. Basically your DH needs to just man up and say, no, me and Mrs Juno are staying two nights.

YANBU for being pissed off. If this was discussed and agreed before with DH then it's crap that he has just changed the plans without even asking if you are ok with it.

Even if the groom wants this your DH should be talking to you about it and agreeing rather than just telling you.

But just because you agreed those plans doesn't mean that maybe the should change if your DH is needed to support the groom - so YABU if you think that regardless of others your plans should be set in stone.

pooka I don't know. I feel like it's a big deal - I'll be 6 weeks post partum, I'll have to get up and ready at home, alone, get to the venue alone, carrying luggage, and it's just not what I had in mind to be honest.

Maybe I am being precious.

Incidentally, I don't hold with tradition and dh and I married abroad, alone. But I do think that it's quite normal for the bride/groom to make plans to suit themselves and not unreasonable for the groom to not have placed your plans for an extra night away with your dh high up on his list of priorities.

The groom has already booked them a room and asked him to stay - you have booked nothing yet. YABU. You've already said that you have other weekends away booked so what is the big deal about this one?

It doesn't really matter what people think of the groom wanting him to be there - it's his wedding.

I think you are being a bit oversensitive as far as the groom goes. Lots of perfectly lovely men make their weddings a special time for them and have weekend stag nights and have the night before the big day with their BM.

I know you said you don't want to spend £200 on the room to be on your own, but it's money that you were going to spend anyway and you were already happy at spending some time alone.

Unless you really think you won't enjoy sleeping there alone, you could just make the best of it and get DH pay for an extra treatment.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for the groom to ask dh to stay with him the night before the wedding. It is quite normal in my circle. The groom and his best man are together the bride and her bridesmaids are together. I would have expected it tbh.

Why don't you want to travel alone the next morning though? 50 miles...I'll go on a limb and assume a motorway is involved somewhere so what's that? An hour? Hour and a bit? It's hardly a cross country trek!

Re the luggage - could your dh take it with him when he goes the night before?

Personally, the idea of a quiet hotel room ALONE appeals to me. If you were planning on going anyway, and spending the money, I'd see it as a good opportunity for peace and quiet. A good book. Nice bath. Whatever I fancied watching on tv.

He was always meant to spend the evening befits with the groom, but then we were sharing a room.

It's more the getting up/ready/travelling that's bothering me. I now have to do all that alone.

I am thinking though that maybe it is normal and I am being precious.

YANBU, tell the groom you've already made plans to both go, so you & your DH will stay in your room as already planned - I've never ever heard of the groom wanting the best man to sleep in with him tbh, surely he's a grown man who can sleep in a hotel room on his own?

The day/night before you can still go to the spa/chill out as planned, your DH can hang about with the groom in the day/evening while you have some nice quiet time, then the groom just sleeps in his own room

Suggest this, then it works both ways

Will your DH have to pay for his half of the room he is staying in with the groom?

I think you should explain to dh that you were looking forward to the relaxing bit so could he ask if it ok with groom if he shares the room with you, I.e you will be in the hotel but what the boys do is their own business cos that is not why you are there.

I think the groom is obviously trying to keep the costs down for himself and the other friend because he doesn't want to pay £200 a night to sleep alone either. whereas £65 or £100 each is probably more reasonable.

Make sure the luggage is all ready...put it in the boot in the morning.

Leave the luggage in the car all day, take it into the hotel with your DH the night of the wedding.

You're not being precious at all, I don't see why you can't still go as planned, I think the groom just hasn't thought it through, or maybe he didn't even know your plans? In any case, there's no reason you can't still go

pooka but I can just do that myself at home anyway.

It's really the morning that bothers me.

There's no motorway, it's country roads all the way, but it's only about 1hr 20 mins drive. It's not the drive, it's the whole situation in the morning.

He couldn't take my luggage as I am referring to a bag of make up, hair products, contact lens/glasses etc which I'll need on the morning.

PS, just wanted to add, bloody good for you for wanting a couple of nights away from your children. No need for others to be so judgey about your decision.

Is it normal that the groom and BM actually share a room the night before then? Surely they don't need to do that. Or the bride and bridesmaids.

If it is the travelling, getting up and out etc alone that is bothering you then why not book as you had previously planned but sleep alone? It's money you were previously happy to spend.

What's the groom's plan for payment wrt the room he'd share with your dh?

I don't see the problem either Wedding.