Re DH's friends wedding

[Juno77]

DH friend is getting married later in the year. DH is the best man. I am due to give birth 6 weeks prior to the wedding.

DH is going away on stag weekend (abroad) when child is 3 weeks old. I don't mind this, but it is a factor in my current annoyance.

Wedding is in a really fancy hotel, about 50 miles from where we live. We aren't planning to bring the children anyway.

We were planning to stay 2 nights in fancy hotel, as DH has plans with the groom and other friends the day/evening before. I was happily going to relax in the hotel, maybe go to the spa, go for a nice walk, just relax child free. Spend the night together, and wake up on the morning of the wedding and take my time getting ready, relaxing breakfast by myself etc.

DH friend has now told him he's booked them a room for the night before (along with a third friend). So, DH is staying the night before, and I will just have to sort myself out in the morning and make my own way to the hotel, already dressed for the wedding (as check in is too late to get ready there).

I'm pissed off. AIBU? And if so, should I be pissed with DH? Is it really his fault? Should he say no, or should we be more accommodating to the plans of the groom?

For the purposes of not drip feeding;

1. It's over £200 a night so I don't want to spend that on a room for the night before, by myself.
2. I'm not friendly with the bride at all

Aghhhhh die thread die!!!

And on mellows note I say amen and goodnight

Goodnight jimmy

You lot are bonkers. Really.

It wasn't all bad, jimmy found me endearing and said I had a nice arse, or something.

Peace out man.

I like being bonkers

Ok, I'm really leaving this thread alone now I promise!

OP. Have a lovely time. Think of this and laugh as you lie back having a lovely few nights away!

We left our pfb overnight at one month old to attend a v good friends wedding. My mum insisted, when I dithered she said "you deserve a break, you're both doing a great job, and when PFB is 21 do you think he'll remember?"
When we had our third baby, she bought us a weekend away, and minded all three, youngest was 8 weeks. Do any of them remember this now? Not at all.
Even still, judging by this thread, I think I must be up for some sort of award. If I think long enough, I probably have further examples of my bad parenting skills. Think I'll leave it there though.
Good job I'm not sensitive. Or bothered by keyboard warriors anonymous people.

Definitely could not wade through the whole thread, but if the OP's question is still relevant then I think (taking baby out of the story) no, YANBU. My husbands DB didn't stay with him the night before our wedding he chose to stay wth his girl friend, they had flown over for our wedding; actually my DH was really disappointed by this and he ended up spending the night with my two step brothers who he had just met (they flew over too) so actually maybe yes YAB (a little) U. Sorry. I'm no help. I doubt you'll read this anyway since there's so much bickering here. You've probably blocked the thread and bleached your brain

juno I have followed this thread from the start, without commenting as I am never inclined to take part in slanging matches. However I did want to say that I am pleased you spoke with your mother and reaffirmed the 'comfort level' of supportive family.

Did I raise an eyebrow at your initial posts ...well. yes, but mainly because you sounded quite distanced. On reflection, the tone is exactly that of any number of people I know who have high level professional roles and often set out quite emotive issues in very unemotional "work mode" terms. It is not an indicator of how they feel about motherhood, or their children.

FWIW, I suspect this may have much to do with the level of comfort one feels with the wider family unit. I have cared for DGC from 5 weeks - sometimes overnight - once for a 5 day stint. We are a very close knit family, and GPs have deep bonds, from day one. Mum can leave a baby with absolutely clear mind that the smallest need will be met, and handled as she would handle it (plus a long long list of how/when & what
It is not the route everyone would choose, but no two families are ever alike.

I am sorry your query turned into such a horrid attack on parenting.
THIS granny thinks it will all be fine. As will your children.

Morning everyone

We've had a look at some of the more recent posts, sent a couple of mails and suspended one poster who seemed intent on inflaming.

We don't want to have to zap this, but we're quite close to it now - it's just taking a ridiculous amount of our time which could be better spent dealing with other things.

So please... one last polite request to play the ball and not the woman, eh?

Thanks
MNHQ

Just catching up now. Busy week so far and getting busier!

Stroke, no I am not insecure in my parenting ability at all - well, no more than most parents are. I'm sure most question their decisions every once in a while. Most people who share my opinion here are not insecure about their parenting either. They may have experience of a high need baby themselves (this does not necessarily mean colic) and therefore find it difficult to understand why someone is being dismissive of that possibility. I actually think more parents would not leave their baby with anyone for a non-essential 2 night break at six weeks old than would. I don't think they are all 'attachment-parenting-lentil-weaving-glued-to-their-baby-with-no-life-martyrs'. A six week old is very young. Yes, the baby may be fine (most of us have said that) however, I think it is fair to wonder what would happen if the baby wasn't fine. Would the trip be cut short/would she not go etc. Doesn't it make sense to consider those possibilities? If you haven't experienced a high needs baby before it might not even cross your mind that it's a possibility or, which seems to be the case here, it may not matter to you whether the baby was high needs or not. (which I think is what most people seem to find shocking considering that the OP was worrying so much about other things such as driving there and carrying her cases).

Not leaving a 6 week old does not equal 'attachment-parenting-lentil-weaving-glued-to-their-baby-with-no-life-martyr'. It does not mean that they are suffocating parents who will not let their children out of their sight until they are 18. Not having 2 nights away when a baby is 6 weeks old does not mean a spiral into PND, screaming at the baby and crying for hours on end. You have been so busy frothing, that I think most of you missed that at the start I actually suggested going for 1 night instead of two so I'm hardly against the idea of a mother leaving her baby ever.

Gemma, just to clarify - I didn't say my Masters was in genetics - it was one of the modules but yes, I should have said pups. Thanks :)

Accusations of being me stupid, self-congratulatory, superior, shocking, outrageous etc are just ridiculous. As others have pointed out, despite all your comments about how I've spoken to the OP (and, again, most of my posts weren't directed at her at all), you have thrown a fair few insults, criticisms and judgements my way. Even throwing in comments about my parenting approach (which you actually know nothing about - how does unwillingness to leave a 6 week old for 2 nights give you any idea of that?) and what I do with my time when I am not on MN with a cup of tea on a Sunday night (as most of you were as well!). Bit hypocritical in my opinion but hey ho! You're all entitled to your opinions just as I am to mine :)

Seriously Bumbley! Let it go.

I hope for mnhq that that's the last to be said on the matter!! I thought and was pleased the thread had died

Bumbley - you need to find a way to make your peace with the OP's decision, and accept it now, OK?

I think everyone realised way back at the start that she wasn't going to change her mind about whether or not she stayed for 2 nights at the wedding. As several people have pointed out now(myself included) most of my posts on this thread have been replies to other people addressing me - just as my post was above.

The OP did say that if the child had health issues, she wouldn't go, bumblymummy, so that does answer your question about what would happen if the baby wasn't fine.

"Not leaving a 6 week old does not equal 'attachment-parenting-lentil-weaving-glued-to-their-baby-with-no-life-martyr'. It does not mean that they are suffocating parents who will not let their children out of their sight until they are 18. Not having 2 nights away when a baby is 6 weeks old does not mean a spiral into PND, screaming at the baby and crying for hours on end...."

Equally, leaving a baby for two nights, with loving caring grandparents will not damage the baby, or its emotional or physical well being, or its bond with its mother or father.

Apologies for misspelling your nickname, bumblymummy.

Hell's teeth - that time I spelled it as bumbley spells it, and the bloody iPad autocorrected it.

SDTG - "health issues' did not included the baby being 'high need' ie. wanting its primary carers and not settling with other people (other people have written of their own experiences of this). The Op has said that she won't have a high need baby because that is not her parenting style. As I'm sure most people who have high needs babies will testify - parenting styles had very little to do with it!

But it does show that the OP's plans are not set in stone, and will change if the intubation makes change necessary, I think, bumbley.

Intubation?? That should say '...if the situation makes change necessary...' - bloody, bloody iPad.

Bumbley. Why can you not move on.