DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

[anotherglass]

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

The important point is that from now on you make sure that your 7 yr old is able to deal with the situation and follow instructions. I would be horrified if I thought a 7 yr old was just going to get bored and wander off-I would wonder where I had gone wrong!

The 7 year old being scared is a bit of a moot point though isn't it op?

You said in your original post that you would judge other people if you saw this happening in the supermarket, so it's more to do with your perception than your DS's fear.

I sincerely hope that your DH reads the thread. I imagine he is having a pretty shite weekend.

you wouldn't; your husband would.

at 7 neither is an unreasonable decision.

To me, it seems like you were asking the Mumsnet jury to say your opinion was correct, so you could go back and beat your husband up over it. I agree with greenfolder - either might be right, and at that moment, your husband was in charge.

oh, i love these people who leave their small children alone all over the place. five year olds alone in cinemas. seven year olds alone in supermarkets. no concern for their children at all.

The only thing i actually agreed with you on op was that it was on unfair on the cashier!she isn't responsible for your child, plus some places cant serve any more customers without cancelling the transaction.

I dont think your dh did anything wrong. I don't understand why you are trying to get people to say he was. Yes i have read that the store was new and busy but i think it was safer than rushing your child through a busy carpark.

Fred, I take your point, but I referred to 'society' as the OP wouldn't have posted this thirty years ago. Society has made many people abduction/paedophile paranoid. I was allowed to bike alone down a country lane into the local town at the age of six. It was five miles each way. I was fine and relished the independence. I would struggle to allow my son to do the same, as I have been conditioned by external influences too. In the same way that kids are no longer left in cars whilst parents go to the shops etc. But I would leave a seven year old standing next to a till for a few minutes.

YABU. Perfectly sensible thing to do.

I would trust my 5yo in that situation, and indeed have, in similar ones. She is perfectly happy, there is no danger involved. A nt 7yo needs to have more not fewer opportunities for self-reliance if this tiny a step towards independence is a problem.

By 7, incidentally, my dad was wandering round central london alone all day, using buses to get there and home again. How far we've come in infantilising our children in the space of 2 generations is the really scary thing about this type of thread.

Rabbitlady you are talking bollocks. I am super-concrrned for my children. That's why I need them to develop the life skills to keep themselves safe, at appropriate ages.

Rabbitlady if you ever have thought about it, please don't consider moving to the continent until your children are adults.

The sight of 3 year olds in my village walking 1km unattended to Kindergarten every morning, and shaking hands with the grown ups along the way would give you the vapors.

No you are not being unreasonable. I would have taken my ds with me UNLESS they said they wanted to stay.

Your ds said he felt worried. Ask your DP not to do it again.

I live in a Massive city with millions of people and main roads everywhere, oh how idyllic to live somewhere where a three year old could walk without concern.

My mum used to leave my three year old sister alone in the hospital waiting room while she had her antenatal check up with me. She says that as long as my sister had her handbag to "guard" she was happy. I guess it meant she knew mummy was coming back. Doesn't seem to have scarred her, not sure she remembers it.

Kindergarten kids in Zürich and Basel city also walk 500-600m to class, and it's the norm for unattended primary kids to take a few tram stops to school from the age of 6/7.

They have several trips with the local police officer who walks the route and instructs them on keeping safe.

It's not a village phenomenon. It's part of their normal development, to learn and practice life skills.

But if you want to tell me your city's bigger and badder than my city then of course you win.

Yabu, hope u praised your ds. How do u think ur ds will learn anything if he only ever does what he's already comfortable with? Can't see why you're over reacting tbh.

I left my 8 yo in a NEW and BUSY leisure centre yesterday while I went and sorted her brother out. It is NEW and VERY BUSY as we were there for a competition. She wasn't scared as it isn't scary. She doesn't suffer from the contradicting conditions of being scared of not being with a parent and simultaneously wondering off. I also send her into supermarkets to buy milk. BIG ones, that aren't new.

Personally I think it's OK to feel a bit scared some of the time. My ds1 is very anxious, most of the time. He is a whole clock of ticks but instead of welding myself to his side I just re-assure him that his feelings are OK. (I don't drop him in bear pits, the kid gets anxious about putting a puzzle piece in the wrong place ffs)

Daykin you are bad...and very funny!

I don't think that leaving your DS for a few minutes (with an explanation) was necessarily unreasonable, however:

but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

Given that his son has clearly said that he was scared, that ^^ is very unreasonable of your DH. Yes your son needs to build confidence with being alone, but an unfamiliar environment is not the place for developing that resilience.

Think ur dh is right to do it again , should your ds never do anything that makes him anxious? I would be concerned tho that op is feeding ds anxiety rather than helping him. May be very wrong ...

I was able to leave my DD at the age of 7, no problem and did on a few occasions. It is because of these small steps that make me confident that next year at the age of 11, she will be able to get herself to secondary school safely on her own. Will I be worried for the first week, yes of course. Will she be scared (but also excited by the responsibility), probably but it is what we have to do if we don't want them living with us and putting out their clothes when they are 40.

My DS is 6 and has moderate learning difficulties. I will probably do the same things for him but will just be slightly later when his development gets to that point.

they need exposure to this kind of thing. in 4 years he will be at secondary school. you need to get from
wanders off
scared to be alone

to
knows where he is going
ok by himself

and you have 4 years to do it in. well thats if you are super protective. round here kids do that by 8