DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

[anotherglass]

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

Professor - it isn't fair to put the cashier in a situation where they may have to deal with a distressed child who is trying to wander off . Did the supervisor shut the checkout down so the cashier could give their full attention to childminding rather than serving other customers ?

The child was upset, in this case , yet his father thinks his own convenience and right to prove a point is more important than his son's distress.

DS is prone to wandering off. Loves to check out the magazines all the time. He is one of those kids. As for the cashier, why should anyone expect a cashier in a very busy shop to keep an eye on anyone's child in those circumstances. It was just DH and DS, no other children, so wasn't such a big effort to take him with him.

This was a big store that DS had NEVER been to before.

Different situation if it was a shop or location such as school where surroundings are familiar.

I think yabu, surely a 7 year old knows to stay put 5 minutes? Perhaps it might be good for your son to be a little less sheltered.

You could not predict that the child would be unhappy before you did it, so "child unhappy = wrong to do it" doesn't make sense to me. It was a reasonable thing to do, how the parent reacted when the child expressed unhappiness might be relevant, but we only have your interpretation that he even was scared in a bad way.

YABU.

Perhaps you ought to work on your 7 year olds anxiety levels.

Did he not trust his father to return?

Running to you to say he'd been 'left' does suggest that your son knows he can play you.

This was a new environment for DS - NEVER been there before.

How many who reckon I am YABU would feel comfortable leaving a child in these circumstances, opposed to a familiar environment. This is a different scenario.

Another one who thinks YABU, he's 7 and it was 5 minutes. He should know that your DH will come back and to just wait at the checkout - it was a supermarket, not the middle of Brighton pier.

Confused as to how your 7 year old is prone to wandering off yet afraid to be alone?

If he's prone to wandering off, he is probably far less scared than he says.

And he is old enough to follow simple instructions, such as 'stay there, I need to go back to the car'. If he cannot, that is an area that needs attention.

I've worked as a supermarket cashier too, and in those circumstances the supervisor would cancel the sale so that other customers could be served in the meantime, keep the trolley to one side, and then ring the total payment through in one go when the person returned with payment. Clearly different stores have different policies, but not all will be prepared to take a cashier out of action to childmind.

Mmm, as a parent I think you might have forseen that 7 yr old could feel slightly anxious as being left alone in a BIG shopping centre.

Ha xpost

Maybe your DH doesn't know your son as well as you do. That your son is less reliable than most 7yos would be. Or maybe your DH knows that kids will rise to responsibility when given it and most 7yos would be fine in the circumstances you describe so it's worth testing the boundaries of their ability. I guess the 2 of you will have to muddle thru together to figure this out.

did your DS tell his dad when he returned that he had been scared? Or did the two of them carried on fine? And what was your response to your DS saying he was scared? Did you say 'I understand but in fact it was fine and Dad was back soon' or did you say 'gosh how dreadful I'll tell dad he's never to do that again?' Because I don't think that's dreadfully helpful if you did the latter. Surely if you explain to your DS that as long as he stays with the shopping by the till then there's nothing to worry about, he'll be fine next time? Otherwise you're telling him that he does have something to be scared of, though I'm not sure what.

I can see your point, I would have probably felt exactly the same. My DH has left my children when 9 and 7 for 20 min while he went in a shop and I felt this was a bit too early. I have to say though, that I think I tend towards the overprotective and since this time, I've been looking for ways to make them safely more independent. They now (aged 10 and 8) walk to school alone which is a short distance. practiced first dropping them off a small way away and watching them walk together. I have had raised eyebrows over this, others let tiny kids play out. Everyone won't agree but I think a sensible 7 year old should be able to be left with a cashier while dad runs quickly to get something from their car.

The child is 7 years old so is not mature. He wanders off and is OK and then gets scared when parent leaves him.

Yep you've told us in every post that your DS had NEVER been there before. We get that.

I do think YABU. It was a reasonable thing to do, and probably reassured the cashier that your DH was coming back.

As you now know that your DS was not comfortable, it opens up that conversation as to why that was, and means that you now know you need to put some things in place before he is left again.

I read that title as 7hours and thought where the hell did her Dh nip back too? Switzerland? . I've left the 7yo at the Checkout for w few minutes before when I've had to go and retrieve her wandering younger brother :) YABabitU.

So it was your job when he told you'd he'd been 'left' to play the whole thing down and say what a helpful thing he'd done, wasn't he a big boy for looking after the shopping and staying put etc etc.

Did you do that?

"slightly anxious as being left alone in a BIG shopping centre."

I thought he was at the check out of a supermarket waitng for his dad to pop to the car?

I think that yabu.

Maybe you need to find out why your son was scared & reassure him.

In general the husbands I know in RL (and from what I see on here) are more relaxed about leaving kids in shops etc.

I understand it's hard letting go but I really don't think he was in any danger whatsoever.

The checkout person didn't need to 'mind' him!

He just needed to stay put by the trolley (even if he didn't he'd have been ok you know) in a very busy supermarket ie tons of people around.

What are your fears? And did he really say he was scared or are you saying that to back up your own worries or in order to have a reason to berate your dh?

You also couldn't predict in advance that the child would be happy to be left alone , so why not do what the child is comfortable with.

YABU. If goods were scanned but not paid for cashier can't use her till for any one else anyway. I think you would do better addressing your son's anxiety issues than being angry with your husband.

If I'd seen a 7 year old waiting by a till with a trolley of shopping I doubt I'd think anything of it at all. If I did I'd assume it was what had happened here.