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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

230 replies

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 10:26

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

OP posts:
minniemagoo · 26/01/2014 11:15

Someone up thread mentioned your DS playing you and tbh it was what first went through my mind. Unless your DS is sensitive and has form for being uncomfortable when away from you this is likely the case.
Did you check with your Dh how DS reacted at the time?

I personally would have no problem with either of my DDs at 7 doing this.

Dawndonnaagain · 26/01/2014 11:15

Another unless your child has additional needs that you've failed to mention, you really are being a tad harsh on your dh. I have read what you have said and all further wailings about it was busy, it was a new experience etc. and still think that you are being unreasonable. I do wonder why you came on here? You haven't backed down, despite the majority telling you that actually, it is okay (and I note that it was ok) and that you are overreacting, but you appear to have chosen to ignore anybody who doesn't agree with you, so again, what was the point of posting in AIBU if you weren't prepared to see that there are other points of view, when you knew in advance you weren't going to shift your perspective?

Misspixietrix · 26/01/2014 11:15

OP how stressed did he get? If your Dh said he came back to see Ds in hysterics I would be in support of you.

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:16

lijkk

I agree with your post.

"Maybe your DH doesn't know your son as well as you do. That your son is less reliable than most 7yos would be. Or maybe your DH knows that kids will rise to responsibility when given it and most 7yos would be fine in the circumstances you describe so it's worth testing the boundaries of their ability. I guess the 2 of you will have to muddle thru together to figure this out"

There's really no need to bandy about phrases like "loon" and "mollycoddled"

ashtrayheart · 26/01/2014 11:16

Surely he would have been a lot quicker without a 7yo in tow though.

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/01/2014 11:17

Was the supermarket new and busy OP, I didn't quite catch that?

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:17

What

Who is "we"?

Some of us agree, some don't

Some partially agree.

And when someone agrees with OP they are ridiculed as well

Gotta love AIBU

Enb76 · 26/01/2014 11:17

All that taken into account - it is still ok to leave a child of 7 for some minutes rather than, leave the trolley, take the child across a busy carpark. It would have been much quicker for your OH to go by himself than take the 7 year old with him. Plus, the advantage of not losing place in queue etc... It would be almost unreasonable to have taken the 7 year old with him.

Bowlersarm · 26/01/2014 11:17

Oh thank you, Newt. Well sorry if I have OP, but I don't think I have.

You are still being unreasonable.

And especially now you say your DS is allowed in shops by himself anyway!

Sparklysilversequins · 26/01/2014 11:18

I wouldn't have done that, I have a 7 year old dd and she would have been frightened and may have got panicky and tearful. Down to the individual child surely? Your DH should not do it again If your ds was scared.

MavisGrind · 26/01/2014 11:19

LadyBeagleEyes - Grin

(this is when we need a like button!)

candycoatedwaterdrops · 26/01/2014 11:20

You clearly don't think you are being unreasonable, so why post on AIBU?

WaitMonkey · 26/01/2014 11:21

Imo leaving him if ds was happy is fine. Nothing would have happened to him. However ds wasn't happy being left, so dh was totally out of order. YANBU.

Sparklysilversequins · 26/01/2014 11:22

She doesn't HAVE to agree. It's perfectly fine to say "ok well thanks, but bearing in mind that only I KNOW my child and how he might react I still don't think I am". It really, really is.

Alwayscheerful · 26/01/2014 11:23

I agree with "kids rise to responsibility when given it".

Teaching children to be Independent starts in places they are familiar with and progresses to little things like waiting with a trolley in less familiar places.

UABU - try not to mollycoddle your DS and remember he will pick up on and possibly play on your anxieties.

ilovesooty · 26/01/2014 11:23

You obviously only want validation so why on earth bother to post here at all?

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:24

Many people have argued that they would be OK leaving their child, but how many would feel as OK in an unfamiliar and busy environment.

DH could hake taken him with him.

Leave a pet alone on a lead and they get stressed, why a 7 year old. I don't think that is being overprotective, just a bit sensible.

OP posts:
NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:24

Sparkly

I agree

Or maybe we could pummel her into submission....

People's backs go up when people are rude to them.

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:25

OP

What do you think about lijkk's post?

Sparklysilversequins · 26/01/2014 11:25

I love the word "pummel" Grin.

I neve do understand this attitude on AIBU, it's definitely a place where free will should be left at the door.......

not2nitedarling · 26/01/2014 11:26

how is he in a safe place if he is not with someone he knows and trusts?
I am horrified.. would never leave my child in this situation but then she is only 4 so cannot empathise. yanbu..

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:27

Yes, DS had never been to that supermarket before and it was one of those uber jobs, massive and very busy.

I am not being a nut job with DH - would have been OK leaving DS in the local store but needlessly reckless in that situation.

DS could have got bored and wandered off. What's cashier going to do? Leave till and chase him.

Agree he needs to develop independence but just feel DH was laying too much on his shoulders.

OP posts:
Minicreamegg · 26/01/2014 11:28

I left my DS (he must've been around 7/8 ish) in the Q while I nipped back to collect something. While I was away the cashier started serving him so when I returned he was busy packing his own little bag of goodie's telling the cashier he was alone!

YABU

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 11:28

Many people have argued that they would be OK leaving their child, but how many would feel as OK in an unfamiliar and busy environment

Well why didn't you say that before, it changes everything!!

Enb76 · 26/01/2014 11:28

A 7 year old is not a pet. Also most dogs I know are perfectly fine being left for 10 mins while their owner is in a shop. Some positively enjoy it.

You are fairly determined that you are right. I personally think you are storing up future problems, not least with your OH. His judgement was fine in this case.