DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

[anotherglass]

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

My DS would have said, OK fine no problem at 7 and would have enjoyed it; my dd would have said don't leave me mummy I want to be with you. Neither was a problem; both did what they wanted.

When DS was about 8 and we stayed in a French holiday resort we let him take his 5 year old sister to the playground, where we couldn't see them with dad's holiday watch and strict instructions to come back within 20 minutes. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves but MNet would be beyond itself I think.

Good, I am glad you have realised that I am omniscient.

I haven't actually grasped any of the communication between DH and the 7 yo DS.

If it was my DH he'd have said "Oh beggar, my debit card is in the car, I need to nip and get it. Wally Jr. can you wait here with the lady/man and guard the trolley while I nip out and get it?"

If response had been "don't leave me dad, this is a new and busy place and I'm scared" then he would of course, have asked the cashier to get the supervisor to ring off the transaction and both come back. is this how your son expressed his fear?

More likely DS would've shrugged and said yes. Then DH would've said "keep your hand on the trolley, don't leave it until I come back"

I can't imagine (and I was a Sat cashier in Tesco myself for years during college) that the cashier wouldn't have said "oh it's fine, I'll watch your DS and the trolley for five minutes."

I'd have done what the OPs husband did, but only after asking the DC whether they wanted to stay or wanted to come.

I thought dh had a corner shop and was leaving him in charge of the till. yabu.

This is utterly ridiculous.

You need to work on your DS ability to do what he is told for a few minutes if he was really likely to wander off.

However he didn't wander off did he, so your DH judged the situation perfectly. As for your DS being nervous, you need to push children to do things that make them nervous, same as we need to do with ourselves, it's called oslnal development. As I said your DH has judged perfectly what your child is capable of and you have underestimated both of them.

I'm probably ultra cautious and often am on the "I wouldn't leave them" side of debates here but you are being so unreasonable I cannot even begin to describe it.

Nearthewindmill some kids play out here with Walkie Talkies to their mum, so that she can call them in for tea.

Love "dads holiday watch"

Sorry for iPad typing that should read personal development.

RhondaJean I was thinking there was a new term in child development I really ought to learn!

I feel sorry for OP as I have reacted exactly like this myself, but it was to do with me and my confidence at the time, not my children's capabilities and now they are having more independence, I can see how capable they are and it's an upwards virtuous circle.

I think it's okay to leave an 'older' (7+) child with a shop assistant. When I worked in retail the occasional pram would get left with me though, which was not cool since I was quite young at the time and didn't have the slightest bit of experience with children.

Enb76 All power to you! [grins]

Can I just point out that maybe it was a new and ultra busy hypermarket. We haven't been told.

We have cheap watches for holidays - ones that don't matter if they get pinched from your shoe or the sun lounger if you go for a swim . My parents did that too - thought it was normal.

I would happily leave my 7yr old.

However, I think your husband is being unreasonable to say he'd do it again even after your DS has now said he felt scared. Regardless of whether you tortured that admission of fear out of him or not

I also don't think your DS has anxiety issues. A little bit of fear is a healthy thing. A large, busy place and being left alone is bound to make a child so young feel a little bit apprehensive.

We always used to say that if anyone abducted ours they'd be back in a flash; no-one else would put up with them .

You didn't like his decision - ask him not to do again.
Out if interest though what is the problem?
A) your ds was alone in the big wide shop?
B) your dh left him there with cashier?

Depends on the child- ds1 - no problem as I know he would stay with he trolley.

Ds2 is only 6, but I wouldnt leave him at the moment, I know I have to teach him to become more independent/reliable in the next year- as my second, I have probably babied him too much!!

Just because he was upset (has OP been specific in saying how she knows he was upset & afraid?) doesn't mean it was wrong. It's good to push their comfort zones sometimes. It's good that he knows that when he's afraid that something bad will happen doesn't mean it will happen. Assuming he was that afraid...

Haven't read the full thread but will. YABU. You also missed an opportunity to praise your son for being so grown up and watching the shopping while daddy went for his card.

I don't see a problem, I did raise an eyebrow when the woman in front did it with her 18 month old screaming.

This is where society has gone mad. He is 7. Your husband did the right thing in giving a 7yr old some responsibility. You are not just being unreasonable but a little neurotically ridiculous too. Sorry OP.

Catsize I don't think you can blame society when it was the OP who was overprotective of her 7 year old, pretty much everyone has said she WBU.

How many YABU do there need to be before you accept YABU OP?

If you're never going to accept YABU, then bit of a pointless thread?

(And I know it was ULTRA busy and he had NEVER been there before)

YABU. I can't think that I have done exactly the same thing, but where we used to live I let my then 7yo and 5yo go together to the baker next door but one (where they were known, and I usually sent them with a walkie talkie). I would expect your average 7yo, in that situation, to make an attention-drawing fuss if anyone tried to abduct him. You should, by his age, have had the chat with him 'what do you do if...' and a number of scenarios.

My 8yo goes to his piano lesson alone - it's literally in the building next door, across a quiet drive - and sometimes has to wait a few mins before his lesson begins. It's a public-access building. We talked through, before the first time he did it, what he should do if someone behaved in a way that made him feel uncomfortable. he loves his little bit of independence.

If he said he was scared, that needs attending to, but rather than rule out doing it again I would talk through with my ds what he found frightening about it and what he could do in x or y situation (see above).