Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

230 replies

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 10:26

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

OP posts:
Bedsheets4knickers · 26/01/2014 11:39

I wouldn't be livid. He wouldn't of known he would of been scared as it's the 1st time he'd been left. (Trial and error)
I myself think at 7 leaving them at the checkout for 5-6 mins is no biggie for most people. He'd certainly be quicker leaving him. Now he knows he doesn't like it he'l prob won't do it again . He prob won't have to anyway, people don't often forget their debit card. Forget about it and enjoy your Sunday .

Misspixietrix · 26/01/2014 11:39

Re childminder OP. Yes I would. Especially if she had only nipped back to the car to get her card. It's not as if she's nipped to Starbucks.

Kewcumber · 26/01/2014 11:40

DOgs also have to be trained to stay put Wink

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:41

Kewcumber

Exactly.

Thetallesttower · 26/01/2014 11:41

And how scared was he? I suspect the child came home said 'daddy left me in the shop when he went to get his card' cue mummy's concerned face 'oh no, how did you feel? 'I was scared mummy'.

If he was genuinely scared, I would be looking for reassurance for him, but also discuss with DH to perhaps talk about how independence and sensible behaviour can be encouraged, but not too far too fast.

I still think the issue is you didn't make the judgement call. I have underestimated what my children can do because our society is ultra-cautious on these matters. In my husband's country, children walk to school from aged 6/7 when they start, so all this being scared being alone for 5 min without an adult is just not relevant.

Caitlin17 · 26/01/2014 11:43

I know not directly on point but isn't one of the golden rules "if you get lost in a shop go and tell one of ladies at the checkout and if you get lost in a shopping centre go and tell one of the check out ladies in the nearest shop"

Apologies to "check out men" but I've always assumed it's an unwritten part of the job description for female shop assistants. We only lost our son once in a pedestrian shopping precinct on holiday in Jersey at probably age 7 and it worked perfectly.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 26/01/2014 11:45

7 years old is old enough to understand when told to stay but.

Lord knows what you would have thought of me leaving an 8 year old eating his packed lunch on the concourse at the Manchester City game yesterday whilst I went to the toilet. It was rammed and it took me 10 minutes to fight my way back past the bar that was between him and the toilets. I asked if he was okay on return and got 'Er yeah, why wouldn't I be?' .

I agree you can make I child 'nervous' with your own anxieties.

FredFredGeorge · 26/01/2014 11:47

How old does the kid have to be before you send the kid out to get the forgotten thing rather than leave them playing?

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:47

Thanks for your input ladies but I am only concerned for DS as was left upset about him getting scared in a shopping centre, which was new and very busy. I feel I've been treated a little harshly on here for simply not wanting to expose him to this kind of situation again. Of course I understand that he needs to develop his independence. Equally, I think a balance needs to be struck on how this independence is nurtured and in this instance, I feel that DH is pushing him too quickly. Some thoughtful points made here about helping DS develop his independence which I will consider. Signing off for now. AG

OP posts:
TamerB · 26/01/2014 11:51

I would certainly have done the same. I would expect a 7 year old to be fine in that situation. I would have given them the choice, but hoped they would stay put as the easy option.

Caitlin17 · 26/01/2014 11:53

Re childminder I would have been 100% comfortable if the nanny we employed when my son was 7 had done this as I know (a) she'd have asked the checkout lady if it was ok and (b) told my son to stay there, look after the shopping and don't move and neither of them would have dared to disagree/disobey.

meditrina · 26/01/2014 11:55

Dogs don't understand when you tell them you're only going to be 5 minutes. Neither do toddlers. But I'd expect a 7 year old to understand that.

Enb76 · 26/01/2014 11:56

I get you're concerned about his getting independence first but perhaps you have not started this early enough. The reason people are being a bit harsh is because the majority of 7 year olds would be fine with this. The fact that yours isn't show that you may be being overprotective of him leading to his insecurity. Perhaps this is something you should address with yourself.

nennypops · 26/01/2014 12:05

How was it pushing ds too quickly to leave him for 5 minutes? Had it been 15 minutes, you might have a point. What ds learnt from this was that he doesn't have to be scared because daddy will do what he says and come back for him, and he won't get lost. Presumably you've told him that if he did get lost he should speak to one of the female staff like, er, the checkout lady he was left with? He can't have been that upset if dh didn't know about it, can he?

And before you come up with the stuff about how it was NEW and BUSY, it seems to me that that made it safer, because ds was even less likely to wander off.

And the bottom line is that he was perfectly safe.

Catsmamma · 26/01/2014 12:08

Your dh is HARDLY pushing your ds down the rocky, new and deadly dangerous busy road to independence by letting him wait with a trolley while dashing to retrieve his wallet

Really, catch yourself on!

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 12:09

Enb76 - i bow to your authority on what most 7 year-olds are like and your psychoanalytical skills, all garnered from half-a-morning's session on Mumsent.

OP posts:
HowJustHow · 26/01/2014 12:11

I'm not quite sure why you posted on AIBU if you were going to have such a strong reaction to being told YABU.

I'm afraid your reaction seems a bit extreme to be honest.

LIZS · 26/01/2014 12:14

You can't trust your 7 yr old to wait where he is told for 5 minutes ? What on earth happens on school trips . Maybe dh asked him and he said it was ok ? Agree not the responsibility of cashier but he took a judgment and no ill came of it.

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 12:17

The strong reaction was to the harsher posts. Many thoughtful posts as well which have provoked thought.

OP posts:
Caitlin17 · 26/01/2014 12:21

OP re your comment on Enb76 perhaps like me and others we are asking ourselves "how would my 7 year old react / have reacted ?" and getting the answer "fine".

I managed to lose mine in a shopping precinct he'd never been in before on holiday when he was 7 and he wasn't scared. He did exactly what he'd been told to do in that situation.

We don't know your son but assuming there are not special needs you haven't told us about the situation doesn't seem to one which scare the 7 year olds of most people replying.

Moln · 26/01/2014 12:23

YABU. He's 7, more than able to stand and wait. The wandering off thing should have been tackled by his parents a long time ago (generally you should educated them not to from the first time they do).

This thread though seems to be developing a pattern of;

OP: it was a big new and busy supermarket

MN: YABU

OP: But it was a big NEW and BUSY supermarket

MN: Yes even so YABU

OP: It was a NEW and VERY BUSY hypermarket

MN: You said yet still YABU

OP: No one understands it was a totally NEW and an extremly BUSY and big hypermarket

MN: Really! You didn't mention. YABU.

Moln · 26/01/2014 12:25

Are there more way to emphasise it was new, big and busy?

BrianTheMole · 26/01/2014 12:26

Well my child is 6.5, so not 7, but she would be anxious if I left her like that. Its not really the cashiers responsibility to look out for them either.

diddl · 26/01/2014 12:31

"DS could have got bored and wandered off."

Well that's a problem that needs addressing!

He's 7-should be able to wait a couple of mins for his dad.

DragonMamma · 26/01/2014 12:34

It wasn't extremely busy, it was ULTRA busy. Just in case that point was missed the first half dozen times.

Swipe left for the next trending thread