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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

230 replies

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 10:26

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 26/01/2014 10:52

Yabu

I'm not sure whether I would have left my 7 year old in that situation or not. I probably would.

But what an over reaction with your poor dh!

Your ds was perfectly unscathed. If you would rather your dh didn't leave him again discuss it as adults. Not rant on here about how livid you are with him, poor guy.

MavisGrind · 26/01/2014 10:52

I think you are BU - I would have done the same as your DH with my 7 year old. It might have been an unfamiliar shop but surely he's been in supermarkets before? They are all pretty much the same thing.

I also think it's important that your ds isn't picking up on your anxiety - he will be fine for five minutes by a till, he really will!

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 10:52

The key factor in this situation is that the environment was NEW and it was ultra BUSY.

Why isn't anyone taking this into account when they reckon I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
diddl · 26/01/2014 10:53

Well I think that if your son wonders off it's not a great leap to think that he can be left for 5mins whilst something is fetched.

Ask him what the difference is!

BeverlyMoss · 26/01/2014 10:53

Unless your DH left the store without a word to your son about what he was doing, and without a word to the cashier about it then you are wildly overreacting and there may be an element of your son playing you here,

EthelredOnAGoodDay · 26/01/2014 10:53

I think you're overreacting a bit OP. I would do that with my DD if I'd forgotten my purse as they would be at the checkout with the cashier and it would be for a few minutes at most. Also whilst I want my children to be cautious and sensible, I don't want them to be fearful in everyday situations.

UniS · 26/01/2014 10:55

Not knowing your 7 year old I don't know if he WBU.
BUT, I'd be quite happy to ask my 7 year old to stay with the trolley in a supermarket for a few minutes. He happily goes off and gets things from next aisle or asks if he can go and stare at Lego while I get veg...

DragonMamma · 26/01/2014 10:56

Why bother asking AIBU if when everybody says YABU do you then start flinging in more information to try and plead your case?

I get that it was a big, New, noisy, busy hypermarket type place and yes, I still think YABU. If you are this hysterical about it in front of your DS then I'm not surprised he's the nervous kind.

ProfessorSkullyMental · 26/01/2014 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 26/01/2014 10:56

But he's been to a supermarket before, he was familiar with the layout,. They don't vary that much. A check out is a check out whichever supermarket it is is.

MrsOakenshield · 26/01/2014 10:56

the key factor in this rather ridiculous AIBU is that you don't want anyone to disagree with you!

Your son needs to learn that he doesn't wander off. Why have you not taught him this?

and again, what was your response to your DS?

ChippingInWadesIn · 26/01/2014 10:56

I take it he has NEVER been there before?

It doesn't matter if it was a small shop or a BIG shop - all he had to do was wait with the trolley - not do the family shop on his own.

He is 7. Stop saying 'he's just like that' (re wandering off) and tell him not to. 7 not 2.

Stop babying him and he will be fine.

ineedanexcuse · 26/01/2014 10:56

Wow .Your DH can't do right for doing wrong can he?

Its reasonable to expect a NT 7 year old to be able to stay in one public place for a finite amount of time and not wander off to look at magazines on a whim.

He needs to develop more life skills so he doesnt panic so much at small things .

The only thing you should be gently ribbing your DH over is him going into a shop without checking he had his wallet with him.

MavisGrind · 26/01/2014 10:57

But we are taking it into account (or at least I know I am Grin)

Are you thinking that the busier an environment the higher proportion of men in dirty macs there are?

I have a 7 year old ds. By now I expect him to stay put when told to and he knows that I would never, ever put him in a situation that I would perceive to be a risk to him.

PedlarsSpanner · 26/01/2014 10:58

Yabu and a bit of a catastrophiser too

ProfessorSkullyMental · 26/01/2014 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 10:58

We know it was NEW, you keep saying that.
You are still being unreasonable and dramatic.
It's a pretty unanimous yabu yet you aren't listening.
Please show your DH this thead, poor man.

DustyBaubles · 26/01/2014 11:00

Right OP, I have had three 7 year olds.

They would all have been fine in the situation you describe.

We do our shopping online mostly, so when they are in a supermarket/shopping centre it is always one which is super busy and unfamiliar.

They would all, and 7, have trusted us to return. They would all have been fine. Most NT seven year olds can cope with what you are describing, because they have been raised to trust, and have faith in, their parent's decisions.

Enb76 · 26/01/2014 11:00

The fact that it was an unfamiliar shop and busy is fairly irrelevant which is why we're ignoring it. It doesn't matter. A 7 year old child should be perfectly capable of being left for 5-10 minutes in a safe place. The fact that you think it's so unreasonable give us some indication as to why your child may have been anxious. I think you need to chill out a bit and then maybe your child will too. I also think you should apologise to your husband. He find nothing wrong.

softlysoftly · 26/01/2014 11:01

Taking into account it was NEW and BUSY YA still Bu

candycoatedwaterdrops · 26/01/2014 11:02

I do think YABU in general but YANBU in being concerned that your son was upset. That said, now is a good time to encourage him to feel more secure in these situations by practicing them.

Original poster
anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:02

Why should a cashier in an ultra busy hypermarket watch my child when it wasn't a bother for DH to take him with him?

I don't think that was fair on the cashier.

DH did not have any other children with him so could have taken him with him.

OP posts:
Lovecat · 26/01/2014 11:03

A checkout is a checkout is a checkout. Unless the place has electrified walls and patrol dogs to deter shoplifters then a 7yr old should be able to be safely left for 5 mins without panicking, especially if it's explained to him what's going on and he's not completely alone (which he wasn't, as the checkout person was there). I've left DD with the trolley at the tills from about the age of 6 while I dashed back for a forgotten item, she's happily chatted away to the checkout person in my absence and she's a very clingy child - but she knows I'll always come back for her. Does your DH often take DS shopping? Was it the combination of several levels of unfamiliarity (new shop, different parent) that bothered him?

YABU but you don't want to hear that, do you? I'm sorry we haven't all given you the reassurance you wanted that your DH was in the wrong, but really, he wasn't. Possibly work on giving your DS some more self-confidence if it's needed.

Hiphopopotamus · 26/01/2014 11:03

What? It was NEW and BUSY and he had NEVER been there before? Well that's brand new information that changes everything...

...wait - nope - YAStillBU.

Enb76 · 26/01/2014 11:03

No-one here thinks you are in the right, we all agree with your husband, does this not tell you anything.

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