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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH leaves DS (7rs) in shop alone

230 replies

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 10:26

DH went to supermarket yesterday with DS7. When they got to checkout DH realised he has left debit card in the car, in the car park.

The shop was not our local store but a large hypermarket where DS1 had not been before.

Instead of taking DS (7yrs) with him to collect the card, he left him at the till with the shopping trolley, next to the cashier. This was at a time of day when the store was extremely busy. In all he was left for about 5-7mins.

DS waited by the till but later told me daddy had left him as he was scared.

I am livid at DH for not taking DS with him to the car but he says he is OK with his decision and would do it again.

If I had seen a child left at a till by themselves in a big supermarket I would certainly be raising an eyebrow but he does not in any way acknowledge his decision as putting his son at risk.

AIBU

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 26/01/2014 11:04

I agree I'd have taken child with me,I wouldn't leave a child feeling scared
And it's not the responsibility of cashier to look out for child safety
It's the fact the child felt scared,he's disregarding that if he'd do it again

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 11:04

Yabu and getting on my nerves now!!

Original poster

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:05

I sense some of you are getting a kick out of my concern for DS. You need to step back a bit yourselves.

OP posts:

scottishmummy · 26/01/2014 11:06

I agree with you op,he should have taken child
Not responsibility of cashier to watch child
I can't fathom if he knows it upset hissin that he'd do same again

JeanSeberg · 26/01/2014 11:06

I bet the first time the child was scared was when he got home and his mum put the idea in his head scottishmummy.

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 11:07

A kick??? You are coming across as a bit unhinged

Thetallesttower · 26/01/2014 11:07

There's no point in saying about the cashier, that's not the reason you are angry with him. There's one cashier on here saying that she is often left in this situation and is happy with it- because they are basically nice people and can see if you are in a fix and quickly need to nip out to correct it.

I am not saying you are wrong to suddenly get stressed, but I think if you are truthful, the stress is coming from the fact that you were not the one making the decision. I have found that I am much more adventurous when I am deciding what is safe for my children and much more risk-adverse when I hear what my husband has done.

Bowlersarm · 26/01/2014 11:07

You are now being ridiculously unreasonable.

You need to apologise to your dh, if how you are being with us, is how you are being with him

Original poster

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:07

WhatYouTalkingAbout - get off the thread if it's getting on your nerves.

OP posts:

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 11:08

Don't jump on scottishmummy agreeing with you, she disagrees with the majority for fun.

MavisGrind · 26/01/2014 11:08

Your DH could have taken him with him but he didn't need to! Far safer standing by a trolley while his dad dashes across an Ultra Busy car park....

Are you prepared to consider that you've been unreasonable OP?

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 11:08

The thread isn't, just you.

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:09

How much time does your DH spend with your son, compared to you.

On the face of it, YABU. I'd have done it.

But does your DH know your son is prone to wandering off?

Misspixietrix · 26/01/2014 11:09

Sorry OP but I'm thinking he's playing you. Let me tell you what happened with my DD (also 7) yesterday when her Dad was visiting. She was playing with the skipping rope upstairs which I told her to stop. She didn't so I took it off her. Queue wailing dramatically down the stairs to tell Daddy of me that I 'hit her with the skipping rope'. I didn't. She knows I didn't but it got her the reaction she desired. Daddy bring cross at Me instead of siding up with me. I think your Ds pprobably thought 'right. I will milk this one and tell Mummy how scared I was'. Which he might have been. But I doubt it. We know men can be a bit useless forgetful sometimes. Yet I can't think for one minute that your Dh didn't turn around to your Ds and say "sugar! I forgot my card in the car. Stay there son I'm just running out to get it". Unless your Dh bolted out of there without telling your Ds that then the majority is going to assume you are overeacting a little. We get that its a new place new surroundings etc but no harm has come to him has it?

woooooooobooo · 26/01/2014 11:09

anotherglass I've got twin dds who are 7. They are pretty independent and mature for their age. I just asked them if they would be ok with this scenario. They said they would be fine if it was Aldi or big Sainsburys as they can see carpark from window at tills and go there regularly. Both said big Asda wouldn't be ok as they can't see car park and it's really busy and they don't go there except for maybe once or twice a year.

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:10

I agree that your son's fear is the concern here.

DragonMamma · 26/01/2014 11:10

I agree with JeanSeberg. I'm sure his DM's ott, hysterical reaction to a normal situation will reinforce this too.

Thank goodness the DH is less hysterical or the DS will be like a nervous kitten.

Original poster

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:10

Bowlersarm - you are going for the man, not the ball.

OP posts:

Bowlersarm · 26/01/2014 11:10

Yes, you know you are really in trouble when sm agrees with you!

Bowlersarm · 26/01/2014 11:10

Eh?

scottishmummy · 26/01/2014 11:11

Aha op,had you said your son had a fruit shoot while unattended,mn massive would support you
I think you're right,if dad knew it upset son he shouldn't do it again
I wouldn't have left a 7yo,I'd take child with me. Yanbu

Original poster

anotherglass · 26/01/2014 11:13

Settle down ladies.

I am now being accused of not only being unreasonable but unhinged to suffering from anxiety disorders.

DS is not mollycoddled. I have asked him to go into a shop to buy groceries and sweets while I wait outside. He has been on his own in a local shop, where the surroundings are familiar, and he is with his older brother.

This was a NEW environment
It was ULTRA busy
He is known to wander off
His dad COULD have taken him. He didn't have any other children with him
The cashier was busy

In those circumstances I would have taken him with me.

No real big reason to leave him in that environment where he did get stressed.

Hardly the thinking of an unhinged, unreasonable or uncaring mother.

OP posts:

NewtRipley · 26/01/2014 11:14

Bowlersarm

That phrase means the OP thinks you are attacking her, rather than addressing the issue.

woooooooobooo · 26/01/2014 11:14

Sorry posted too soon. Was going to add that even though my dds have said they wouldn't be happy in an unfamiliar store I would probably still leave them and promise them a comic on way out. I would be so much quicker not taking them to carpark and I know they would be fine with trolley.

They need to learn independence sometime and at 7 it's time to start.

I can understand you being upset though

WhatYouTalkingAbout · 26/01/2014 11:15

But we don't agree with you.
STILL.

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