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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be angry at DP for giving me chlamydia?

165 replies

MrsDrRanj · 25/01/2014 17:13

I have been seeing DP for around a year now but it's been very off and on, and on the times when it's been off I knew he had been sleeping with other people.

We're together seriously now and on Monday morning he went to the sexual health clinic, and rang me to say he has chlamydia, said he felt really bad etc. He watched DS for me so I could go down to get treated that same day as I wanted to get it sorted ASAP.

Of course I'm upset that it happened, it's a horrible feeling. And him being with other girls upset me but that's something we worked through. I knew he had been with other people when I slept with him so I am also responsible.

My friends and mums reaction have all been angry towards him, and shock that I'm not angry too. The general consensus is that I'm being a bit of a mug.

AIBU

OP posts:
itispersonal · 25/01/2014 18:20

I got chlamydia from my dp when we first started our relationship and had been using condoms. Dp got a it from an ex partner to advise she had it and he got checked and had it, when I went to clinic the Dr belittled me for going (do have regular checks before Sat new relationship) and even though advised Dp had been informed he had it and I was advised to go.

I forgave my Dp, and before me, he was a massive tart, but this gave him the wake up call to change and settle down.

itispersonal · 25/01/2014 18:22

Sorry my msg Doesnt make too much sense, crawling baby wantin my attention.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 25/01/2014 18:23

Yes I had the full works

And we haven't had sex for a few months. We haven't had sex since we have got back together.

OP posts:
itispersonal · 25/01/2014 18:27

Out of interest is ds his or from another relationship? as this would influence whether I'd forgive him for sleeping about when we were on a break or not!

Sallystyle · 25/01/2014 18:30

I would be more angry at myself for being stupid enough to put my health at risk. A one off? yeah a stupid mistake but if you have had unprotected sex with him more than once than that goes beyond a stupid mistake.

Lets just hope that is all he has. Things like herpes and HPV aren't detected straight away.

I admit that I find it hard that a grown adult would have unprotected sex in this day and age without getting the all clear first, but then I am very anxious over my health.

loveliesbleeding1 · 25/01/2014 18:34

Well thank goodness for that.How you feel is, of course,up to you.But please show more respect for yourself, or he never will, you deserve to be treated better than you have been.

specialsubject · 25/01/2014 18:40

up to you if you want to have sex with someone who shags around, or indeed if you want to shag around.

but if you want more kids, or if you would prefer a normal lifespan, you need to think about AIDS, herpes and hepatitis, which are all incurable. And all the others which are possibly curable.

everyone who has had sex with him is having sex with you by proxy. Think of it that way.

Famzilla · 25/01/2014 18:41

Imagine if your daughter was seeing a bloke, who picked her up and then dumped her whenever he felt like it, repeatedly, so he could go and sleep with other women.

And then he gave her an STD which could render her infertile.

I'd be pretty angry if you were my daughter, I'd also wonder what I'd so wrong to cause you to have such little self respect.

I used to live with a girl with PID (caused by chlamidya) , she stank no matter how much she washed, was in agony most of the time and will probably never have children. It's not a lighthearted matter.

ENormaSnob · 25/01/2014 18:45

Get some self respect.

Bloodyteenagers · 25/01/2014 18:51

So you have been seeing this bloke for a year.

You have split up several times over the year.

He has had unprotected sex several times, with an unknown amount of people.

He infected you a few months back, got tested on Monday and only had the balls to tell you today.

You think you are fine because you have had all the tests, and don't feel that you need lecturing about std's.. Even though hvi amongst others can take 6 months to show in blood tests.

You are back together again, but not shagged for a couple of months.

Hardly a healthy relationship. Your children learn from you, what type of lesson are you showing them? That it's ok to have a strange man in and out of their lives, that it's fine to be a door mat and to have no self respect at all.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/01/2014 18:54

MrsDrRanj - there is only one question that matters - are you going to use condoms from now on?

Joysmum · 25/01/2014 19:00

I would not be angry either. You made the decision to sleep with him before reding. You made the decisions about contraception too.

Truth is, sex is risky and both people are responsible for making choices regarding their own sexual health.

Joysmum · 25/01/2014 19:00

*reding = testing

GimmeDaBoobehz · 25/01/2014 19:04

I echo shot

slugseatlettuce · 25/01/2014 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 25/01/2014 19:43

That's actually not all strictly true slugs - from the fpa "It is not yet clear if chlamydia can be spread by transferring infected semen or vaginal fluid to another person’s genitals on the fingers""

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 25/01/2014 19:52

He doesn't pick me up and drop me whenever he wants. 99% of the times we've stopped seeing eachother have been because I ended it. And he isn't in and out of my sons life. He doesn't sleep over when I have my son and he only sees us as friends ie sometimes he would come with us on days out.

Christ.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 25/01/2014 19:52

And he told me as soon as he found out. It says that it my OP

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 25/01/2014 19:53

And we haven't been together for a couple of months - so we haven't had sex either. Anything else? Lol

OP posts:
ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 25/01/2014 19:58

Lol.

STUd are fucking hilar, right?

Wake. The. Fuck. Up.

Chlamydia is possibly the least bad thing that could have happened. You are incredibly lucky.

How many people did he have unprotected sex with? Cause you've just basically had sex with them all as well. Grim. I couldn't be with anyone who was that stupid and irresponsible. You are right not to be angry at him. You should be furious as yourself for being such a prize tit.

stickysausages · 25/01/2014 19:59

Urgh.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/01/2014 20:00

I repeat - are you going to use condoms from now on?

TheGinLushMinion · 25/01/2014 20:01

Did you honestly expect not to be judged when you posted? Hmm

Very silly of you to sleep with him with no protection when fully aware he had been sleeping with other people, obviously the HIV risk didn't occur to you...
How you feel about the fact he gave you an STI is completely up to you.

nkf · 25/01/2014 20:01

Why would you be angry? You knew he slept with other women. And you didn't use condoms.

Original poster
MrsDrRanj · 25/01/2014 20:08

Hop have you read the thread? I've said countless times I have been stupid and I feel very lucky it was only chlamydia.

I take it none of you have ever had a one night stand or anything of the sort. I'm an awful person clearly.

I'm not laughing at STDs ffs of cause they're no laughing matter. I cried my eyes out when he told me because I felt so stupid and disgusting.

OP posts:
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