To ask ex not to bring DD to McDonald's AGAIN

[Anonfornow00]

DD is only two, she'll be three in June.
She has been staying in the dads every Saturday night for the past 3 weeks, this is a new arrangement as I was fed up having his lazing around my home "visiting her"
We've really had a hard year of it, constant fighting and battling about everything but finally we just have no contact other than hello and goodbye on the Saturday and the same when he drops her back on Sunday and the peace from the arguments is fantastic!

However, I really don't know if IABU here, but every week she's come back with a McDonald's toy and I'd love to ask him when he's taking her tomorrow, not to take her there again at least for a little while.
Like she's only 2 years old I think a McDonald's once a week is a bit mad, plus what ever other rubbish he's giving her.

Have I got any right to kindly request this or am I being unreasonable?

McDonald's is all highly refined crappie wheat, tons of sugar and lots of salt. I think it's a bit too much for a 2 year old (or any child regularly) and a rubbish habit to get into long term but that's his choice. He's basically normalising something that should be just an occasional treat.

Perhaps he could try kfc or pizza hut for a bit of variety?

Perhaps he could try kfc or pizza hut for a bit of variety?

We used mcds most weeks for the first 8 years of the dcs lives because it was the only place in the countr where you could find a changing table, clean toilets and entertainment for the dcs. Plus good coffee, it used to be anyway.

Rarely go now, dcs think it's for babies so not impressed any more. But I can understand why a single Dad takes his child there. It is also cheaper than Giraffe.

OP, I agree with you on many points. I have a 2yr old and would not be happy with him having McDonalds. I remember having one myself in a drive through with OH, hoping DS would stay asleep. He didn't, and we guiltily gave him about three chips. No way would I want him eating there every week.
Perhaps your ex is giving your daughter the fish finger (still not ideal as deep fried and taste like full of rubbish), veg sticks and milk happy meal? Or maybe not...
Don't do the packed lunch thing though.
I eat at McD about five times a year and that is probably too much!
Also hate kids parties where chips etc are served but wouldn't intervene.

www.mcdonalds.co.uk/ukhome/product_nutrition.beef.32.hamburger.html

I do wish people would stop speculating. Full ingredients are listed of every mcds product. You can get carrot sticks and organic milk. And clean toilets.

eg hamburger

They do healthy options, they do a drink which is fruit juice & carbonated water or milk, fresh orange juice, water, fruit smoothie. They do salad, fruit bags, carrot sticks. You can have the fries without salt. Fish fingers are fine once a week.

While variety would be nice I wouldn't be concerned at all.

I do think once a week is far too much. It's not simply that it's junk food once a week, it's that it sets a horrible precedent and sets her up for a lifetime of bad habits. Fast food is addictive. If a child is getting this as a normal, weekly thing, and not very rare exception to their usual diet, they're going to grow up with an attitude that fast food is ok to eat whenever. It's all part of the McDonald's MO, to get small children hooked into being lifelong customers.

At this age, she'll be most excited about the toy and the experience of going out. I think packing some food is fine, as you know the father and situation and it doesn't sound PA in this case. I would also maybe find some activites going on that you might mention casually. "Oh, dd keeps talking about going to the library/zoo/whatever. You might take her by if you have the time, I havent been able to." He could be at a loss for activities to do with her, and I think it's fine to present some ideas casually, not as if you are trying to dictate a schedule.

As a side note - "cooties" are made up, not any real disease or issue. It's something schoolchildren tease each other about. "X had cooties!" Or "Girls have cooties!" It is seen as being somewhat related to/passed on by kissing and used as a point of contention between genders in the schoolyard. They're pretend. But reading all your theories cracked me up.

Oh God.

Sorry to say, I went against the majority.
He arrived late, clearly hungover and in his work clothes from yesterday. He knows I volunteer on a Saturday and they need me there on time, he also knows it drives me mad when he can't make the effort not to be hungover when he takes her.

I asked nicely if he could try be on time in future as we are understaffed and they really rely on me being on time. He said yeah yeah like it was no big deal and I told him it wasn't acceptable to roll up with a stinking hangover having not even been home yet (he told me he'd come straight from his friends/a party) and that we were only a few weeks into our new arrangement and that I really want it to work. In regards to the McDonald's I said "can you please lay off the McDonald's for a while because she's been so run down lately" he just said yeah, not really giving a shit or even listening as he was ringing a taxi.

I'll probably get flamed and yes I should pick my battles but my battle is just wanting him to be a good dad!! It's not money or even showing me any respect, I just want him on a whole to start making an effort with her.
In saying that, I think I could tolerate the once a week McDonald's if he would pick up the slack in other areas. She doesn't have carrot sticks, milk and fish fingers by the way. She tells me what she has and it's usually a burger and purple juice (fruit shoot)

Forgetting about all the other issues for a moment, I still think it's really unfair that I'm being painted as an over the top nazi because I don't want my two year old eating McDonald's every week. It's not banned completely, I'm not insanely ridged with her diet, but I just think it's bad to fill her tiny, growing body with such utter shite on such a regular basis. That's just me and I don't judge others who dine there with their children frequently, but I don't think it's grounds for deeming me precious.

I really do appreciate every reply!

You can probably tell that we're both fairly young, and still both becoming "our own people" and it's just scary seeing the father of your child becoming someone so different to you (McDonald's issue aside obviously)

It seems such an easy option to me and lacking in imagination when there are so many other places to go. Maybe when the weather gets better he might take her for a picnic.

I really feel for you OP and have had friends who have been in the same situation as you. I have read all the posts and I don't think that any have been about you personnaly. A couple of posters have gone off on their own little threads, and I think other posters are answering to that not your original post. DONT get het up as I think you are doing an amazing job given the circumstances.

Mintyy if you don't already, I suggest a very successful career in health visiting or child protection. You would fit in very well and would be able to force people to follow your instructions or get locked up.

It's up to anyone what thy feed their children and the op and ex have every right to decide between them without ludicrous sniping.

OP I would agree and I wouldn't take my child to mcdonalds once a week. I think it sets up expectation and habit of fast food which is unhealthy when lived as a lifestyle choice. I think people are getting sidetracked about this when it isn't the issue.

You say your battle is about getting him to be a good dad, but unfortunately you don't get to decide that :(

Pulling him up about lateness is justified. Pulling him up about what he does on his time with her is not. If you see at the top of the last page (posts from about 7.30pm Friday) lots of us are empathising with that lack of control you suddenly have to come to terms with as a lone parent. I reckon people who are missing the issue and being overly harsh probably don't have experience of this and don't know how it feels to suddenly have that taken away.

Most parents DO have absolute control over their two year old's diet. You don't now, and that is hard.

How can anyone think it's ok for a seventh of a 2 year olds dinners to be McDonald's?..

My DS had not even had a Mcdonalds when he was 2...Have you ever watched supersized... The chips were put in a bell Jar for months and looked at fresh as the day they came out of the fryer... Now 6 he does occasionally got to Mcdonalds but it is rare...Last time was September on inset day before return to school so no I wouldn't be happy either..

I do think if you were going to raise it though, probably not the best time to get anything out of him and have any sort of reasonable conversation...

In saying that, I think I could tolerate the once a week McDonald's if he would pick up the slack in other areas.

So it's got nothing to do with the McDonalds and her 'growing body' etc has it?

You can't have it both ways. You're either ok with it or you're not.

tbh i think the fruitshoot is the worst part of the dinner. my 2yo isn't allowed them but i don't give a flying fuck about a nugget now and again. can someone clarify what exactly is so evil about a chicken nugget?

Good work OP. Turning up late and hungover is not acceptable.. I know several people advised you to choose your battles - this is one that I would have chosen. Hopefully everything will settle down into a routine for you soon.

also would be interested to see a response to curlew's question. what damage will it do? because i think i must be missing something.

Yuk McDonald's is horrible, we take our 3 year old to Borough Market and she tries all the incredible tasters on offer, home made crab pasta etc. Why subject a little child to the grease/salt/sugar overload, when something much nicer is usually reachable (depending on where you live). Obs I understand the dad may not be a foody, however I think subjecting a 2 year old to that much crap is a no no.

OP - sounds completely reasonable to me to ask him not to take her there- although I can see it may cause further arguments/trouble at this delicate stage..

Personally I ask him not too- but your decision is down to you and how you think your ex will take your request.

If the child has 3 meals per day...that's 21 meals per week.

20 (I assume) healthy home made meals and 1 small Happy Meal per week is not going to harm her.

We're talking about 4 little nuggets/or 1 small burger/or 2 fish fingers and a tiny handful of fries.

I can't really understand the attitude that "at least he bothers", he's her father why should that be considered a bonus?

YANBU OP and I'm with you particularly with this statement ^

My 13 year old is taken for a McDonalds every 2 weeks (and has been since she was very young) and I can just about cope with that. I wouldn't be happy with a child getting a McDonalds every week at age 2 or any age although I do occasionally take the DC to McDonalds myself, but only a few times a year.

It's a beef burger not a line of cocaine. Once a week.. It will not do her any harm whatsoever. There are a lot of grips needed on this thread...

Glitterhoops- your post made me smile- what a good idea to pop down to Borough Market.........!

Maybe some lovely salty olives? Or some pesto? Does olive oil not count as "grease" then?