To ask ex not to bring DD to McDonald's AGAIN

[Anonfornow00]

DD is only two, she'll be three in June.
She has been staying in the dads every Saturday night for the past 3 weeks, this is a new arrangement as I was fed up having his lazing around my home "visiting her"
We've really had a hard year of it, constant fighting and battling about everything but finally we just have no contact other than hello and goodbye on the Saturday and the same when he drops her back on Sunday and the peace from the arguments is fantastic!

However, I really don't know if IABU here, but every week she's come back with a McDonald's toy and I'd love to ask him when he's taking her tomorrow, not to take her there again at least for a little while.
Like she's only 2 years old I think a McDonald's once a week is a bit mad, plus what ever other rubbish he's giving her.

Have I got any right to kindly request this or am I being unreasonable?

My wife took my two boys to McDs for lunch yesterday. She is not fucking lazy, nor does she get an E for effort. They were out and it was a treat. She is a great parent. I fail to see how fish fingers and chips are any less healthy that greasy Pizza Hut, Wetherspoons or calorific Pret sandwiches or anywhere else that kids tend to eat when they are out and about.
I fail to understand why OPs husband is being attacked here. It is his time with his offspring and he should be able to take her out for food if he wants to. The packed lunch idea is manipulative and controlling and will result in another argument.

I think I might be a food Nazi too.
I would be upset if it carried on all the time because I would feel like I couldn't treat my child to some treat food too if Daddy already had the fast food covered.
My son (a tiny bit younger than your dd) also has MD's but maybe every few weeks if that. I'm not against totally but weekly is not moderation at that age.
Would it cause trouble if you said something like "are you thinking of fast fooding this wkend? its just we been invited for pizza Mon and I dont want to overload her with shit food if shes already just had some"

sorry, but thinking it's fine to have a maccy ds once a week is exactly why we as a nation are getting more and more obese. Anyone who thinks this is fine can't have much of a grasp of nutrition, sorry. I would expect pressure to eat here would come from peers at an older age, not from a carer who should know better. And I would be very concerned that this isn't the only crap she's getting - I think at least you can enquire about what else she's had - maybe dress it up as 'what's she had to eat, just so as I know if she's going to be hungry later' kind of thing, so it doesn't look like a criticism (yet!)

We take DD maybe once a month/6 weeks to eat out and yes, what she has then won't be the best - pizza, chips, that kind of thing. But it's not every week, and it wasn't even once a month when she was 2!

I hate the way on MN that if you show concern about what your baby consumes you're either a food nazi or setting yourself up to have an older child who gorges on whatever it is you keep to a minimum (not ban, but not have too often either). I don't think I had a MacDonald's till I was about 10, and rarely after that. More often when I was a teenager and out without my mum, but still not all that often. I knew it was shit food (it really was in those days). I think I can safely say that never in my life have I had any kind of junk food with that kind of regularity - maybe because growing up you just didn't!

Trapper your missing the point that its every week an the child is only just a toddler.
Just the fries have a quarter of a 1 year olds daily salt allowance in a small portion.

I don't really see the problem with it. It's a weekly treat.

Don't send a packed lunch.

It's one of those things that happens that, unfortunately, you now get no say in. And from experience, trying to have a friendly word makes it worse because he will get annoyed that you are trying to tell him what to do and hence do it more to annoy you back.

Similarly minor, but my ex used to give DS undiluted fruit shoots and ribena when he was 14 months old when we split up. I asked him very nicely if he could give him diluted juice or water, and explained that I was trying to stick to these so that he didn't get used to the taste of stronger drinks as they are bad for his teeth. He agreed, nice as pie, as though I'd given him totally new information, and then continued to send DS back with half finished fruit shoots.

Yes, it's not great to give a 2 year old McDonalds every week. He could be "Disney Dad"ing which although a pain in the arse for you and not overly helpful to DD, comes from a good place. It's shit, but it's better than living with him

How is it a "treat" for a 2 year old. She will want the toy, nothing else!

No. I got the point loud and clear. Mine are 2&3. A 2 year old won't eat more than a small fries an a nugget anyway. Quarter of daily allowance on one meal of the day doesn't sound unreasonable?

The OP can't have it both ways. If she doesn't want him in her house for his contact time she can't micro manage him. If she wants to dictate what he does she'd better keep him where she can watch him.

You seem very reasonable OP.

I completely would not be fine with my 2 year old have a MD every week. Seriously at that age, nothing wrong with their diet being as pure as the driven snow. They'll have multiple opportunity for junk later on.

Having said that, it's early days. Don't rock the boat I'd working out ok other than this issie. If still going on in a couple of months, May be raise the subject gently.

Wux it's a problem because a 2 year old doesn't need a weekly McDonalds. Hell, adults don't need a weekly McDonalds.

It's also a problem because it's setting a precedent "Dad's house = exciting, Mum's house = boring". Maybe this will settle down, time will tell. It's possible at the moment he's feeling guilty or sad that he isn't seeing her as much as he did and hence is running at 100 miles an hour trying to make their weekends special time and cramming as much fun/exciting stuff in as possible. He would gain more by making a home from home but you can see why some NRPs go down this route, just a shame as it causes more problems than it solves.

If people cannot grasp the fact that the child is TWO and this is a ONCE A WEEK thing at the moment, then they shouldn't be allowed to post.

If you honestly think it is fine for a toddler to have a meal which consists of junk food every week then you are poorly informed .

Minty I suspect by the time your kids are teenagers and you have had to deal with a myriad of bigger worries, you may have a different take on this issue.

OP its not ideal, but it's unlikely to harm. Pick your battles and this prob isn't one to choose.

But I also think OP cannot (and should not) do anything. Yes, it's annoying if he Disney-parents. Yes, it's not ideal diet and health wise for a 2 year old to go to McDonalds once a week (I wouldn't take mine). Yes the whole approach could cause problems later on, but, at the moment he's finding his feet and any input from you about how he "should" be doing things is likely to be taken very badly. And really, he is her father and he has every right to choose how he spends contact time with her, even if he does make unhealthy choices. Them's the breaks :(

Maybe I should report my wife to SS then minty? Or hand you a grip...

It's really hard, adjusting to a phase where once you had total control over your child's life, having to hand over that control to someone where you literally have no say in it. You don't really get that until they're teenagers otherwise. Yes things might happen at nursery/school etc which are out of your control but nothing like handing your child over and knowing you have no say over what they will be fed, how they will be treated etc. As long as he is not abusive or neglectful towards her, he is her equal parent and he is allowed to parent her as he sees fit. It's a horrible feeling.

Trapper maybe yours wouldn't but my 20 month old would eat the whole meal thats why its not a weekly thing the nuggets contain the same so that would be half a days salt in one meal.
To me I'd think that was too much on a weekly basis.

FFS can people stop talking about chips and nuggets? I could just murder a happy meal right now

Oh, Minty, don't be so silly.

really can't see how this will cause her problems in later life. it's once a fucking week, i imagine many parents feed their kids chicken nuggets and fishfingers from the freezer several times a week. besides, if she's anything like my 2yo, she'll hardly eat any anyway. btw, you can order fries without salt

When I first separated from my ex he did this. My boys were two and one. It lasted a few weeks - it just gave him time to get his head round lone parenting, round juggling cooking and a toddler around. It quickly dwindled down to once a month more than once a week. Leave it for a few weeks, its still such early days

I think its fine.I am poorly informed

I don't think anyone is saying its a fabulous diet. However, the OP doesn't actually get any say in it, unless the dad is someone who can be reasoned with and from the limited info we have it seems that is not the case. So yes she can indeed mention it, but she cannot insist on anything, so might as well make her peace with it. It's far from ideal, and no she shouldn't be the one to have to adjust other meals to ensure a balance diet, but the needs of the child to maintain a relationship with her father outweigh that right now. The OP is drawing the short straw here, but sometimes that happens.

Even if you think it is exactly this type of thing which contributes to the obesity epidemic and is bad parenting, this is totally irrelevant. You are not the parent in charge at that time point. Unless he is doing something dangerous or life-threatening to the children you don't get a say (certainly legally you couldn't stop contact for that).

Now, if he were a reasonable nice person with which to co-parent, then it might be worth having a word. My guess is that he isn't, you say you have constantly been battling and fighting, so I don't think it's worth your stress to mention it and have it ignored/done deliberately.

If her diet is otherwise pretty healthy, one poor meal a week isn't going to determine her future health- and plenty of people have chips and fishfingers or chips and a beefburger once a week, and that's what they serve.