To ask ex not to bring DD to McDonald's AGAIN

[Anonfornow00]

DD is only two, she'll be three in June.
She has been staying in the dads every Saturday night for the past 3 weeks, this is a new arrangement as I was fed up having his lazing around my home "visiting her"
We've really had a hard year of it, constant fighting and battling about everything but finally we just have no contact other than hello and goodbye on the Saturday and the same when he drops her back on Sunday and the peace from the arguments is fantastic!

However, I really don't know if IABU here, but every week she's come back with a McDonald's toy and I'd love to ask him when he's taking her tomorrow, not to take her there again at least for a little while.
Like she's only 2 years old I think a McDonald's once a week is a bit mad, plus what ever other rubbish he's giving her.

Have I got any right to kindly request this or am I being unreasonable?

Regardless of whether eating at MaccyD's once a week is ok or not The OP is not going to come accross well. It'll just sound like she's having a dig.

My husband, if left in charge of the 2 year old for any length of time feeds her quite astonoshing stuff. He's not a bad parent, he's just thick

Everyone is assuming that it will be set in stone forever, it has only been the last 3 weeks, it may well change as he gets used to having her. Once the weather warms up it might be all organic vegetable sticks in the park! Just be a bit patient OP, this is hardly the rest of her life!!

Awks
But again, what does having teenagers have to do with the op? And actually I do have a teenager, I think I mentioned that in one of my earlier posts.

obesity epidemic, what bollocks. my sister and i had takeaways once a week as kids and neither of us are, or ever have been, overweight. also, i like vegetables

At least three posters including myself have said that it may settle down as he gets his head around weekend parenting.

The OP from the tone of her post simply holds her ex in very low regard. We obviously don't know how justified that is but any attempt at discussing the issue doesn't look likely to be positive.

Do you know...I'm quite new to MN and have really enjoyed the banter...but this is getting silly! How some people can get so WORKED UP over a burger!!!! (I had a Big Mac today and it was yummy, and 4 BIG chocolate biscuits!!) OP ( I think) probably stopped reading a while back and I am now going to say goodbye.

Marylou62 you should stick around for the packed lunch threads...it's like observing a Science lesson

There's nothing you can do about it OP, but I wouldn't be happy with it. DD is 8 and has been to McDonalds less than 10 times in her life - and each time has been poorly afterwards. She now calls it McYuks and I am very happy about that.

(And as someone who spent 6 weeks working at Sun Valley, leaving without my one and only paycheck, trust me, I wouldn't feed my dog McDs chicken nuggets )

The odd junk food meal doesn't hurt anyone, but I don't think making it a regular occurance for a 2 year old is a good idea. 2 year olds really don't need that much salt and fat in their diets.

The cobbler gives my DS happy meal toys, he may not even be going to McDonald's.

How many meals does she have with him and what else does he feed her?

OK McDs is not great, but if all the other meals are also low quality and lacking veg, he needs to make a bit more effort food wise.

I think your attitude is very sensible op (fellow lone parent here).

I do sympathise and can understand why you're not happy about it but I also think this is a case of picking your battles.

I fail to see how one meal out of 21 per week can possibly do any harm at all unless its a slice of lard. When dd1 was 2 I took her once a week for lunch when I did the banking next door. As far as I can tell she has reached adulthood unscathed. Now dd3 loves it. A toy and 20 mins colouring in for 1.99.

There are 2 cases here anyway. If someone posted "AIBU to take my just 2 year old to McD's every week" they'd end up more flame grilled than a big mac. IMO, yes, it is unreasonable of him to take her.

However the actual AIBU is "AIBU to tell my ex how he can and can't parent?" and the answer to that is, actually, yes. If OP was feeding her child McDonalds every day he wouldn't get a say, so she can't expect to have a say on what he does, even if it is something which is potentially detrimental to her health.

If he wants to chain smoke around her, he can. If he wants to teach her every swearword in the dictionary he can, if he wants to use smacking as a choice of discipline he can. McDonalds is really not a big deal in the scheme of things.

Sorry me again...I know I was gonna log off and not look again but It's so addictive!!! Thank God I don't have to do packed lunches any more!!! Just wanted to add to all you anti fast food ladies (and you are allowed, I'm am in no way at all telling anyone what/how to feed their child) but you wait till they go to college!!! My VERY fit 16 year old, sports mad DS who has had McD as maybe once month/6 week treat has now got quite a tummy!!! McD right over the road from the college. He works and has his own money...what can I do?

Sorry I was getting the little burger gobbler up to bed and catching up on posts.

thetallesttower I think you hit the nail on the head, IF things were amiable and he was open to suggestions etc then I think I'd mention it in a nice way no problem and I don't think that he'd have a problem with me doing so, IF things were better between us (they were at one time and we co parented pretty well, each raising any issues or concerns without offending the other eg. He didn't think I should allow DD up and down the stairs by herself, was afraid she'd have an accident, I asked nicely that he not stink of drink when coming to see her etc) but things are fairly bad now so I just don't think it's really worth it at the moment.

I don't think he'd take me sending the packed lunch as a dig at all, she loves her grub and he's all for convenience.

While I totally appreciate everyone's replies, I can't really understand the attitude that "at least he bothers", he's her father why should that be considered a bonus?

I'm honestly not a controlling, manipulative nazi but she's the most important thing to me and she's still so young, I just want to give her the best possible start. However, as has been said, it's only been three weeks in a row (plenty of times before this new arrangement mind) but it might well change when he gets more comfortable or falls into a routine. If not and we manage the next while drama free, I might mention something but I feel there may be more important battles on the horizon to stress myself too much over this one!

Sorry OP I did post 'at least he bothers', because I have a few friends whos xs don't and never did see their children. They couldn't be bothered.

Don't send a packed lunch! It's not just the passive aggressive factor, it's the fact that HE is her father and it is HIS responsibility to provide food when he is with her. Even if that food is not what you would ideally like her to eat :( It's so hard to let go of but you (singular) cannot have control over every aspect of her life like you (plural) can when you are in a relationship with her father (or if he wasn't on the scene at all.)

It's very very hard to imagine how that feels when you have never been a lone parent. Up until now you have been able to veto every decision about her life, now you can't do that.

Well, I'm sorry for the children in that case. If being a nrp means you can treat your children badly but rp isn't allowed to say anything incase it rocks the boat? Is that the conclusion we have come to here?

I think you need to get some perspective.

My ex partner used to feed ds all kinds of stuff with nut warnings on, in spite of ds having a severe nut allergy (all nuts, not just peanuts). I used to send him off on visits fully expecting to receive a phonecall from A&E On my darker days, I used to plan his funeral

Sorry my point got overtaken with the other (rather more poignant) one, but I meant, don't get involved in doing things for her during her time with him, things like getting or making her lunch are important parts of their relationship, IMO providing a packed lunch takes away from that. He's not a babysitter, he's her dad.

No Mintyy. Being a NRP means you have the same rights as a RP. A RP is perfectly entitled to take their children to McDonalds every day if they wish, it's not a crime, it's not against the law and it's not child abuse by SS standards.