To ask my husband to stop farting?

[WhatWouldCaitlinDo]

Seriously, it's toxic. Yesterday, he was dressing DC, aged 18 months. He let a ripper go - the strong, silent type. The poor child burst into tears, pointed at her nose and flapped her arms around in total distress.

Can anyone recommend any remedies? A cork up his bottom? Nose pegs for all the famiyl? Cutting out meat, beans, dairy, alcohol, gluten and sugar, so he survives purely on fruit, vegetables and oxygen?!

Help help help.

[AndyWarholsBanana]

When I was about 5, I asked my devout Christian DM if Jesus did windy pops (her terminology). She got really angry and I still remember being baffled about what I'd done wrong.

[AdoraBell]

OP

I'm going To suggest something that's kinda way out there, he might have a food intolerance that he doesn't know about.

Yes, farting is normal. Mine were always a problem, I remember as a child/teen my mother exclaiming "what have you been eating?!" and me thinking "what you cooked". Recently I've had much, much less wheat because DH has realised he is alérgico To it, and I thought I didn't notice any difference. Now when I do have a piece of bread or something else made from wheat I Get the tóxic farts back.

Just might be worth him looking into his diet.

[Topseyt]

What a hilarious thread.

I'm astounded at all of these extreme reactions to farting.

Everyone farts. I grew up in a family who considered it normal. They didn't go around farting in public or in polite company, there was a time and a place etc., but it wasn't a crime.

By contrast, my husband's family were the total opposite. There, you virtually had to pretend you didn't even have an arse, let alone one that let out any gaseous emissions. He has relaxed somewhat about it now, fortunately.

[LittleBabyPigsus]

Very stinky farts can be a sign of lactose intolerance or IBS. Definitely cut out dairy, and possibly gluten too. Also cruciferous veg and beans.

[LatteLady]

Just as a practical aside, light a match, you will be surprised how quickly it burns away the fumes. Used them in the bathroom when I had a Spanish lodger.

[LittleBabyPigsus]

Also, yes, farting is normal. That level of stench from a fart isn't. I don't think a lot of commenters aren't realising that it's not farting you're complaining about, it's the unnaturally bad smell.

[LittleBabyPigsus]

*don't think a lot of commenters are realising

[LadyRainicorn]

I am a toxic farter and I have to let them out at work and in public

there are noticeable food triggers though (principally dairy and garlic). Sausages make me fart a lot, but without the stench of sewer death.

They can sort of be held in but then I start looking pregnant, get really painful cramping, and then can't get them out again.

Do the people that manage to leg it to the toilet at work not get asked why they go 10 times an hour? If you go in just to fart, do you take up a cubicle? If there is a queue do you hold it in until you're inside the stall? Do you save up your farts and can release on cue? If it's just a fart do you wash your hands still?

[Orlea]

DH's can be toxic (to the point that even he has sometimes had to run away from them) but are usually fairly innocent.

What isn't innocent is his attitude - I swear he pushes them out to make them even noisier than they would be otherwise, and then he sits there not looking at me, doing this 'must not smile' face until I hector him for not even saying 'pardon me', which he then says in a silly voice as if I'm making a big deal. Which I don't think I am, it's just polite to excuse yourself if you must fart and can't hold it in.

He then blames me for whatever I've fed him, forgetting that I know fine well what he's had for lunch at work by his breath (a local French place is on the hitlist for some particularly garlicky ones a while ago).

[CrohnicallySick]

Coumarin- that's what I do. As my name suggests, I have Crohn's disease and as a result I produce more than the average amount of gas, with a particularly vile odour. If I didn't laugh about it, particularly with close friends and family, I'd be permanently embarrassed or in tears over it.

And as for going to the toilet to release, I remember a flight I was on where I HAD to go to the toilet every time I needed to fart, just in case I sharted. I went something like 10 times, each time I stayed for 5-10 minutes to get as much out as possible. The flight was only 5 hours, so I spent 20% of my time in the toilet. Nice.

When I'm at work, I do my best to be as unobtrusive as possible, perhaps letting a few out as I walk down the corridor since the smell will waft and no one has to stay in it. Luckily for me, my symptoms get worse throughout the day and I only work mornings, so it's not too bad.

[moppymarker]

my dh has farted and it was so bad, i puked

[SirRaymondClench]

YANBU Op

Get the dirty fecker some of these

Not farting but I once went on a date with a bloke who for some ungodly reason decided it would be a good idea to belch loudly CONSTANTLY
It was our only date.

[WhatWouldCaitlinDo]

Thanks LittleBabyPigsus, you're right, I'm not talking about normal farts. There is nothing wrong with sneaking out a silent and odourless wonder, or occasionally an amusing parp.

But if you're getting kicked out of meetings, reducing your 18 mth old DC to tears or the case of moppymarker's DH, making people puke, then you can't expect to just release chemical weapons from your bottom on a regular basis and get away with it. I do not love the smell of intenstine-napalm in the morning!

Liking the idea of the fart jar (£1 per stinker) to encourage him to leave the room, and I'm wondering if I can instigate some sort of dietary change without him noticing...

[FryOneFatManic]

I've seen research that cutting out the red meat won't stop the farting, but actually cutting out the veg will.

Apparently, your body's natural enzymes can happily digest meats, but it's the action of the intestinal bacteria on the veg matter in your gut that causes the gas behind farts.

Plausible I'd say, after all aren't cows meant to be responsible for a vast amount of methane?

[Gossipmonster]

My OH took me to a nice hotel a few weeks ago - during the night he he farted and it smelt so bad it woke me up.

He was so proud he told everyone at work (100% male environment)

[VikingLady]

A pregnant friend threw up on her kitten when her DS farted. It was that bad!

[VikingLady]

Outing myself slightly here as have told quite a few people about this, but DF's family invented the Mexican Fart. All the blokes sitting in front of the racing on TV, one would lift his legs up and apart and fart as loudly and long as he could. The next would follow and so forth. All without any of them looking away from the tv or reacting in any way!

As a kid it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, but the thought makes me heave now!

[LittleBabyPigsus]

Fry it's more that humans have omnivores' intestines. Herbivores have much longer intestines and different digestive systems and can process the chemicals in veg more effectively.

[LittleBabyPigsus]

I'm not saying cut out veg entirely btw! I still eat cruciferous veg but smaller portions (sad because I love cabbage, kale, broccoli etc).

I have IBS and stinky farts are a fact of life for me, but that level of stink shouldn't happen in someone without some kind of digestive issue. I also have Crohnically's constant risk of sharting!

[Catsmamma]

I woke myself up once with a terrible fart. The stench was eye watering.

And I was just about to kick dh as I thought it ws him and I let off another.

I woke him up laughing as I was so proud, ashamed and outraged at myself It was a christmas fart...all the veg, turkey and booze!

[Bumpandkind]

Unless he has Chrohns disease YANBU.

[dementedma]

Dh is a spectacularly loud and disgusting farter. Not an occasional one. All bloody evening, lifting his arse up to let them out. Does he do it in work? No! It really pisses me off that he thinks so little of the people around him who have to endure it

[Charley50]

this is the funniest thread. I'm laughing so much that I'm crying. But I'm in an exam (invigilating) and can't laugh out loud, which is making me laugh more.

[Quoteunquote]

Op put your Husband on one a day of these a wide probiotic for a few months, it will make a long term difference, (repeat after any course of antibiotics]]

feed him charcoal crackers until probiotics kick in(a few weeks)

and teach him to go to the loo when he wants to fart, completely grim doing near other people.

[LittleBabyPigsus]

Bump there are lots of digestive issues that can lead to unnaturally stinky farts, it's not just Crohns.