To think that you are not having a contract phone

[bongobaby]

My ds has thrown a stop this morning saying I am ruining his life because he can't be normal like all of his friends. Reason being is that his phone brought as a birthday present isn't on a contract but on pay as you go. " All my friends are on contract and I'm not normal" "All my friends play 12/15 Xbox games"
I am against him playing them and want him to stick to age appropriate games.
He doesn't need a contract phone, this morning he went on and on about it. I need it on a contract and your not being fair mum.

[bongobaby]

Missmay I get what you are saying, but right now I'm in pain with my injury and i,m on strong painkillers aswell as other medication. I don't want to be making excuses but I just don't have 100% energy at the moment to shout at him.

[starlight1234]

Well Done on your stand...It may get tougher ..he is used to getting his own way...He will not like what youa re saying one little bit..Let him sulk...Don't try and make it all better..(Really hard to do) but he has got to realise you aren't going to roll over...

The I don't want to live here is the make Mum feel so crap so she will give me what I want not I don't want to live here.

Enjoy the peace while he is sulking in his room

[GimmeDaBoobehz]

I got my first phone at that age but could only use it at home to phone people my parents knew at the time.
I started to use it otherwise at around 13. I got a contract at 14 years old, I believe.
I was very lucky to, as I did run up a bit of a bill.
My cousin has been like this--asking my aunt for a phone (she's 11, will be 12 in June) and has told her Mum EVERYONE else has one. Perhaps they do but it doesn't mean she can moan and complain all the time.
I think my aunt will get her one next year when she's 12/13ish but will monitor who she is texting.
I think it all depends on parenting techniques tbh.

[mrsjay]

bongo you are doing fine ime shouting does no good in situations like this they just act all hurt and offended I have aquired a tone over the years scares them shitless is far more effective

[bongobaby]

I'm not going to shout as I'm all out of energy for it. Will see if he changes his attitude in the morning. And if its the same I will not let him take it to school anymore or use it at home.. And take the frigging sim out of it aswell. Can do without bloody stampy long nose minecraft for some peace and quiete for a while anyway, he always watches him on his phone.

[mrsjay]

is he still in his room ?

[Ledkr]

I am the only parent in the whole world who bans internet use after 9 apparently.
Am I bovvered? No I'm not,

[Bogeyface]

He will ramp it up until he realises you mean it, then you will get an apology (do not accept "I AM SORRY, OKAAAAAAAY?!" btw!) and he will get his phone back.

Then, well then he will be a little shit again in order to test this new boundary, "Does she mean it?". Yes you do. So one reminder of remember what happened last time, one warning and then the phone is gone. Keep it up, you are doing well.

Think of it as husband training, you are saving your future DIL the world of hurt you went through.

[bongobaby]

He had dinner,bath and is in bed now. Hopefully once he has slept he will wake up with a new look on his ways. I really can't be arsed listening to him if he wants to ramp it up again, Will not engage.

[missymayhemsmum]

Sorry bongo, you're doing great. Good luck tomorrow, and hope you feel better soon, and that the little treasure mends his ways and brings you breakfast in bed.

[Bogeyface]

Another good line is

"I am sorry that you have decided to continue this behaviour. I was ready to give you your phone back, but as you are choosing to carry on like this, you leave me with no option but to keep it until you have apologised and changed your attitude."

It makes it clear that he is CHOOSING to behave like this and could just as easily choose not to. Blaming you is a classic technique, but by refusing to argue about whose fault it is then you are not drawn in.

Repeating the statement of choice works too. The broken record technique makes it clear that no matter what he says or does, you will not engage. That forces a change in them.

Takes some practice, it took me years to work that one out!

[Bogeyface]

Oh, and take a note of his networks cancellation number, in case he hides the phone. Sims are 99p from Tesco, so if you need to cancel it if he refuses to hand it over, it wont cost HIM the earth to replace it

[NicknameIncomplete]

What you did tonight was the right thing.

Be firm. What is he going to do? So what if he shouts, throws a fit, refuses to eat his dinner. It is himself who he is punishing.

[AlpacaPicnic]

A little while ago there was a brilliant thread, started by a mum who was at the end of her tether with a disrespectful son... He sneered at her while playing on his xbox and she snapped, picked it up and threw it out of the window so it smashed on the ground outside.
She posted on here awaiting her flaming... And got almost universal praise! I wish I could find it... Maybe someone clever can remember it and find it and link it on here.

But the general consensus was - it's ok to be human, to lose your cool once in a while and make your children realise that they need to be thankful for having parents who feed and clothe them. Phones are a luxury not a right, as are games machines and cars. It's ok for your children to know that they have crossed a line.

It doesn't matter if you smash up an xbox or take away a phone - it's only a 'thing'... they have a house to live in and meals, and education - things that people less fortunate than themselves, in third world countries would fight for. Even in these so called civilised nations, there are families surviving through food banks etc.

F you want him to have a phone so you can contact him, then I would go and get yourself to your nearest second hand electoral place and pick him up a nice Nokia 3210 or something from the turn of the century. Put a cheap sim in it and voila!

[bongobaby]

Breakfast table this morning ds unleashed his mouth full steam ahead at me. "I don't want you having the password to my phone anymore" " I hate your rules, your rules are boring and I'm not going to listen to you anymore" "I'm fed up of you, we don't get on anymore"
" well son rules are rules and are in place in this house, do not take your phone to school today, you will not get it back until you learn some manners"
Another car door slamming and walking off minus goodbye. So when he comes home the Xbox will be gone.

[Ledkr]

Good for you, stay strong.

[financialwizard]

Lot of that sounds like age entitleness. Most kids at that age are like that unfortunately.

My son (13 nearly) has a contract phone. It is Tesco £7.50 per month capped at that too so he can't go over. HTC Desire he has I think. More than enough for him.

[nennypops]

But when he tells you he hates you, he's fed up with you etc, remember to say that's a shame because you still love him.

[Thatisall]

My dd has a contract phone because we couldn't be arsed with PAYG but she has umpteen limitations on it and has to do certain chores to 'earn' the monthly payment of around £15.
It works out cheaper that PAYG for us.

That said if I had made the decision to have PAYG, then no teen is going to make me change my mind with 'oh I'm different'. They'd be told that the alternative is no phone, then they'd really be different lol.

[mrsjay]

But when he tells you he hates you, he's fed up with you etc, remember to say that's a shame because you still love him.

this

[bongobaby]

Nennypops true I will say that to him. At the moment he has turned into a little demon and I'm starting to wish he never had the iPhone in the first place. Should of put my foot down and told him no. He seems to want to run my life with his demands and self entiltlement. Since when does he have the right to speak to me like shit. I'm really trying to stay calm and not go all gangster on his arse, it's hard.

[mrsjay]

you have to remember he is only 11 and he thinks the world revolves around him and his needs most children think like that at one time or another this isn't going to be easy to change yours and his attitude he won't change over night he is really pissed off at you for saying no to him keep strong and firm I know it isn't easy but the results will be worth it in the end

[hoobypickypicky]

"I'm not working at the moment due to health issues, single parent and cannot afford a phone contract".
"Go to work and then you can pay for my contract"



I got only that far then stopped reading for the sake of my blood pressure. You take this shit from an 11 year old child? Why?

Take the phone and return it to the relative who bought it for him. Then set up a savings account and put whatever you'd planned to pay per month on PAYG in it, spend the money on yourself and make sure he knows you're doing it. Tell him he can have a mobile when he learns respect and gratitude, and that it will be a standard non smartphone next time. And mean it!

[LoveWine]

Wow he does sound very ungrateful. Sorry, you're going through this on top of feeling ill. It's probably just a phase and will pass but in the mean time I would him that such disrespectful talk will not be tolerated in your home.

[HoratiaDrelincourt]

Next time let him call Childline. I know someone who tried similar when he was asked to tidy his room

They gently told him that it might be a good plan to do as he was told and tidy his room.

I don't think this is about the phone but being normal. At 11 it's excruciating to deviate from the norm, and he may be made anxious by your illness. That's what he needs to learn about, not price plans in particular.