To think that you are not having a contract phone

[bongobaby]

My ds has thrown a stop this morning saying I am ruining his life because he can't be normal like all of his friends. Reason being is that his phone brought as a birthday present isn't on a contract but on pay as you go. " All my friends are on contract and I'm not normal" "All my friends play 12/15 Xbox games"
I am against him playing them and want him to stick to age appropriate games.
He doesn't need a contract phone, this morning he went on and on about it. I need it on a contract and your not being fair mum.

Of course. It's not easy being a parent! We're like a team on here. Right behind you.

Of course you can!

Good on you, it's going to be tough to ride it out at first, but it should get easier each time.

DS went through a phase of accusing me of ruining his life. The first few times I pointed out that I gave him a home, food, clothes, access to TV, computer, DVD player, CD player and radio, Christmas and birthday presents, trips out etc, and if he thought his life was ruined he should go and talk to children who get none of that. After that I just laughed at him and said something along the lines of "poor you, I wish someone would ruin my life like I'm ruining yours". He hated being laughed at more than he hated having the logic of the situation being pointed out to him, but once he realised that that tactic was only going to give me amusement he gave up on it.

The first time you say no and mean it, the first time you walk away from a tantrum or refuse to engage, the first time you stay all calm and let the non eating, non speaking, hysterical child carry on with the fury without you is the hardest.

Dd once had an epic tantrum over a party she wanted to go to, age 12. It lasted 87 minutes, yes I timed it.
She didnt go to the bloody party though.
It didnt ruin our relationship, she is still a drama queen at times but she knows it doesn't work with me.
I look as if I am completley unaffected by it. I'm not, but I look like I am.

I remember one time she wanted to go somewhere and I said no, she wanted me to pick her up at 1sm iirc. So we are upstairs and she keeps coming out of her room, shouting and slamming the door. I was so calm, just repeating "no dd that's not going to happen"

It carried on for about 15 minutes slam slam shout shout. I told her very calmly if she slammed the door I would take it off its hinges. She shouted "I don't care" and slammed the door
So off I went, got my screwdriver and took off the door.....

She couldn't believe it. But she knows now not to do it again

Please do let us know how it goes. Be strong.

(Sod's law he'll be good as gold tonight, just when you're feeling stronger, like the miraculous recovery toddlers do in the Dr's surgery!)

So off I went... Got my screwdriver and took off the door. Brilliant, I like your style Tantrums. ??

Don't be deterred by the sinking feeling you get if you have the 'calm before the storm' reaction, either.

DD3 had a nightmare a couple of weeks ago. We soothed her. Then she decided she'd like to sleep in our bed. We said no.

She proceeded to start screaming and shouting that she wanted to sleep in our bed. I said 'no, DD3, that's not happening, but I will go and get my pillows and sleep on your floor.' That wasn't good enough for DD3, because we were at different heights (she sleeps on the top bunk). I did my calm parenting bit, and then after some time said 'let me give you a hug, you must be so tired.'

DD3, miraculously, seemed calm and sanguine again. She politely told me that she nolonger needed a towel on her pillows (she'd gone to bed with wet hair) and asked me to remove it. Then she said 'I do want to take these with me.'

I said 'Take them where?'

DD3: Your bed

My heart sank because I realised that she'd calmed down because she thought I'd given in.

So the whole thing started again. Eventually, though, she did come to the end of it because she realised that I would stand there all night rather than let her sleep in our bed.

I'm another parent who does the "You look ridicilous" Then walk off. My DS started with the entitled attitude at Christmas, we brought him an Xbox, he would NOT get off it when asked and started up with "I NEED Grand Theft Auto" He is not 18 so I said No.

Slammed door and stormed off calling me and DH names. We just looked at each other with a face wondering wtf just happened as usually he ISN'T like that and it's the first tantrum we've seen from him.

The Xbox was unplugged and taken away. We won't be spoken to like that and I won't engage with any of mine when they are being entitled. I sold the Xbox and the games, DH thinks it was harsh but he developed a real attitude and I won't be spoken to like that.

Some good advice being given and noted. I guess I just want to please him all the time but its not helping matters.
I,m his mother, not his mate.

Have you seen me harping on I usually say that on threads you are not his friend you are right .

TAB dd had a hissy fit that lasted at least an hour she had her head on the wall screeching ITSNOTFAIR i had turned the router off she is so dramatic,

how are you bongo i hope thinks are going on ok and stand firm dont engage and no negotiation with him

"It's pathetic, I'm being mean, I'm stopping him from being normal, I want it and your not being fair" so I said he was not being fair with his attitude and its not acceptable and that he is not to take that tone with me. And that he has to understand its not going to happen.
He has lost the phone until he apologises and rethinks his attitude. Went down like a lead balloon and has gone to his room now.

well least he went to his room might be muttering about you under his breath but you made a stand you are doing him no favours by giving him his own way well done I am sure i speak for us all when i say good for you, it isn't easy though parenting is bloody hard work

Went to his room to get him for dinner and he doesn't want to live with me anymore. Ffs all this over a phone contract.

he is really pushing the boat out isn't he , tbh he is acting like a toddler where is he going to live do we know where yet, in all seriousness just watch him in case he tries to storm out the house, tell him his dinner is ready and on the table and tell him you love him very much and you are sorry he feels like that

Erm, ask him where he is going to live then?

Ds1 told me aged 13 that he was moving out to live with his friend because he wasn't allowed to play call of duty.

I offered to pack his bag and make him some sandwiches for the journey.

He gets 10/10 for the toddler impersonation

Deep breath ! He won't starve and you're doing the right thing

Honestly, let him stay in his room.
He will eat or not. He won't starve.

Tell him you love him but that you deserve to be treated respectfully and if he wants to come and talk to you, you are happy to listen. And then leave him to it.

Don't forget this is all new to him. It will take him a while to understand but if you are consistent and don't give in to tantrums and just calmly reiterate that you are not going to engage with him whilst he is talking that way you will get there.

It's hard, we have all had moments where we have wondered what the bloody hell we are supposed to do now
It's harder as they get older and more independent and more...I don't know, argumentitive and hormonal.

This will pass. Until the next thing. And then that will pass. Until one day they are mature, responsible people and you can pay yourself on the back and forget all the times you were crying and pulling your hair out

my dds were on giff gaff (10 per month unlimited texts and data) payg until they were 16. IF you are putting this in his phone anyway per month then it may be worth doing that. What is his actual problem? cos he has a nicer phone than most.

I have one adult child and one on her way there i am almost done

have read entire thread
i have been there and got the t shirt.
you are doing brilliantly. do not blink.
and he might be being like his father but more likely he is being an irritating little fecker like many 11 year olds.
i did the door removal as well.
it bloody worked.
found out later they use that in boot camps in america on drug rehab programmes!

I wish I knew what he's actual problem is. I'm thinking that he is acting like a spoilt little bugger.told him to stay in his room. I'm not in the mood to hear it tonight. He has everything he needs at home but its still not good enough.

I would remove all the nice things from his room and the x box and put them in attic

Then let him know for every chore he does the following day the same amount of nice items will be returned

If though he winged then the items will dissapear again

If he doesn't like it then call child line and wings to them

Basics are required but anything else is a bonus that has to be earned

Just remember he is pushing boundaries, winding you up and being generally obnoxious - its in his job description as a pretty teen and if it was his job he would get a bonus for the extra effort he is putting in

Don't take it personally its not about you but it is all about him and how you handle the situation

Bongobaby it sounds like you are doing a great job of staying calm, reasonable and setting boundaries, but are you sure you aren't giving him permission to act angry while denying it to yourself?

IME there are times when you need to shout at your child, lay down the law and be flipping scary to let them know they have overstepped the mark and you will not tolerate it? I would by now have removed the iphone, delivered a tongue lashing to make the house shake, and grounded him till I got an apology!! (While actually being more in control of my actions than I sounded) Take charge, Mum!