To think that you are not having a contract phone

[bongobaby]

My ds has thrown a stop this morning saying I am ruining his life because he can't be normal like all of his friends. Reason being is that his phone brought as a birthday present isn't on a contract but on pay as you go. " All my friends are on contract and I'm not normal" "All my friends play 12/15 Xbox games"
I am against him playing them and want him to stick to age appropriate games.
He doesn't need a contract phone, this morning he went on and on about it. I need it on a contract and your not being fair mum.

[mrsjay]

so he has an iphone and he is still moaning you need to take his phone from him do you have any other support with him

he needs to learn some empathy which is hard tell him well you didnt ask to be ill what does he suggest you do , oh and I would make him earn his top up, I understand you are ill though and when you are not right in yourself it is difficult to manage their behaviour ,

[flowery]

If he speaks to you like that I'd take the phone away altogether tbh.

[bongobaby]

Yes he actually called childline as his right because I made him sad not paying the sky bill.

[TinyTear]

tell him to go to work and pay for his bloody contract if he wants it so much!

[mrsjay]

tell him you are sad that you cant pay the sky bill cos you need to listen to him moan all day and you cant watch your programmes either you need to make him realise how his behaviour is impacting on him and and you, you did not ask to be ill you have nothing to feel guilty about

[PenguinDancer]

Do you discipline him for saying these things? They aren't acceptable. He doesn't have a teenage excuse yet.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

My DCS have contract phones. In the last 18 months they have never gone over the free minutes/texts. Because they know without a shadow of a doubt that the second I see any charges I will deduct the money from their allowance and take the phone.
Ds2 is 10 and only has a contract phone because he took over ds1 contract, he has a very very basic £9.99 phone with no internet and he never uses it.
But thats beside the point. If you do not want him to have a contract, that is the end of it.

I say Yes to everything. Yes dd you can go to Ibizia....when you can pay for it yourself
yes ds1 you can have a tattoo.....when you are 18
yes ds1 you can stay out until 1am......when you live in your home
yes ds2 you can eat sugar sandwiches........when you buy your own sugar
etc etc etc

it drives them mad.

[bongobaby]

I just don't need his tantrums at half past eight in the morning. In the car on the way to school he went on and on about it how I'm ruining his life, then he got out off the car slammed the door and walked off. He didn't even wave me goodbye. No doubt he will be the same when he gets in from school still going on about it.
He wanted us to get a puppy last week and I said not at the moment explaining I'm not working at the moment so can't afford another mouth to feed. He went off on one at me and has no ounce of empathy for the situation.

[notso]

DD 13 wants a contract phone so she can get an iPhone.
It is never going to happen.
Currently she has an automatic top up with Giff Gaff that gives her unlimited texts and plenty of minutes (she has never run out). We can finish it whenever we want or change it if we needed to.
I prefer her to see her phone as it was intended a way for us to contact each other primarily, anything else is a bonus.
She has an iPod and IPad for faffing around on FaceBook, Instagram etc.

[mrsjay]

that is what I used to do with mine yes to everything when you have a job and pay for x y z yourself,

Op have you tried ignoring him and let him rant I would walk away from him when he starts yes i know he was in your ear in the car he sounds a handful but he just needs to suck it up imo let him rant tell him your love is not measured in things and stuff and then walk away from him

[PenguinDancer]

bongo are you doing anything about these tantrums? Slamming the car door is not acceptable. I'm afraid I would have got out the car and bollocked him across the car park in front of everyone.

You sound like you just take it? It will only get worse if you don't sort it. Sort it before he turns into a teen.

[flowery]

Why give him a phone at all when he speaks to you and treats you like that?

[mrsjay]

I would have too penguin i find the threat of embarassment for me was enough to stop any sort of tantrum at that age ,

[bongobaby]

I do disipline him for speaking to me like that but he says that it's my fault. I cannot afford a contract for him as money is tight. I have an 11 year telling me to go to work so I can pay for it. He is pushing my last nerve at the moment and he's not even a teenager yet.

[jellybeans]

'All my friends' usually means a few in my experience. 'All' of DD's friends had been to Florida apparantly, turned out it was just one out of the class. DO NOT do contract. I did with DD1 and really regretted it. Part of the rules for me providing and paying for phone access is decent behaviour etc and doing well at school. She went through a difficult period and I regretted that I was stuck with the contract. So from then on it was PAYG.

However, I have now discovered pay monthly sims from Tesco. The best thing is they are capped so they cannot run up a bill (very easy to do on contract), they get unlimited texts, loads of calls and internet access, you can cancel any time after 30 days. My teens are happy with this and so am I!

[mrsjay]

tell him it is your healths fault that you are not working ask him if he thinks you like being ill and tell him even if you were earning money hell would freeze over before he got a contract phone so you dont know what he is going on about

[mrsjay]

I have pay monthly with tescos I went from contract to pay monthly it was a better deal

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Ok, my DCs have only just, in the last 6 months got iPhones, they are 15 and 14.
They had been asking for them for about 3 years before that.

I laughed.

My ds2 asked for an iPhone.

I laughed. And went to Argos and bought him a £9.99 phone.

If any of them ever spoke to me like that, they would have NO phone for the foreseeable future.

If I were you I would take the phone away along with any other electronic equipment for that comment alone.

Does he help in the house? Have set jobs that he has to do?

[SomethingkindaOod]

Go through every bill with him. We had a spate of DS wanting this that and the other a while ago so we went through our monthly budget with him. Showed him the outgoings comparing with the incomings and asked him what he wanted to lose in order to get whatever it was he wanted. Does he want less to eat? (Unthinkable, the kid is a bottomless pit), no Sky, no phone at all or no pocket money? Or maybe he wants to live in a cheaper rougher area away from his friends so we would pay less on the mortgage?
So far we haven't had anything else from him. Although there were mutterings about his nameless friend getting a ps4 AND an Xbox One for Christmas. I called bullshit on that one though.

[Iwannalaylikethisforever]

I'm not suggesting you in to this behaviour
A phone is a privilege not a right.

Just to say both my dc have contracts with 3 mobile
£6.90 per month
No credit limit so cannot go over
Plenty text, internet and talk time

However the phones were bday presents and will never b replaced if lost

Maybe tell him childline is for children who are in danger and he is wasting time and money since it's paid for by donations

Sounds awful attitude I'd be taking away the phone altogether plus other privileges.

[ivykaty44]

Does he get pocket money? Mine have pocket money do if they want a contract phone it comes out of pocket money and had a cap on it so no big bills, it is there choice though and if contract is 80% of there pocket money then they have to go without other things

[notso]

Whenever DD asks for something unobtainable I find it best to empathise with her.
DD "Can we get a dog? Laura's getting a dog, Jades got a puppy, I really want a dog"
Me "It would be lovely to have a dog wouldn't it, what kind would you get?"
We end up having a long conversation about fantasy dogs usually ending up with us with discussing how neither of us want to pick up dog poo. I offer DD a biscuit and she goes on her merry way.

DH on the other hand drones on and on, DD gets enraged and they end up falling out.

[mrsjay]

do you feel guilty for not being able to get him things or are you just fed up of his attitude because if you feel guilty then you might be taking his attitude as some sort of guilt trip to punish yourself that sounds harsh i am not meaning to be but i cant think of another way of saying it

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

tbh, I think he needs to lose a few things until he changes that attitude!

My eldest pulls the "everyone else has..." crap.

I tell him that I don't give a stuff what everyone else has. That's up to them. He will not be playing 18 games (he is 14) and furthermore, the only way he will have some of them (grand theft auto is a name that comes up a lot!) when he is 18 is if he buys it with money he earned and keeps it in a house he pays for.

i think your son needs a lesson in the value of money and in the importance of treating your mother with some common courtesy.

I don't think punishment is effective in this situation. I think you need new rules that show him that everything has to be earned and to make him responsible for what he has! He has to do X, Y and Z jobs to earn such and such, this job is worth that privilege and so on. Not in a punishing way, just in a 'this is life buster - enjoy!' way

[bongobaby]

He walked off with his friends to quick for me to tell him off. I can't stand his attitude of I want it so should have it.
I don't want to be ill with depression and an injury and find it hard going at the moment. Getting him a bloody contract is the last thing on my mind. He seems to take pleasure in trying to guilt trip me getting his iwn way making me feel bad.