AIBU to not "get" mass public mourning?

[BabyMummy29]

Thinking of the sad case of the little boy in Edinburgh at the moment, but on so many occasions nowadays people leave flowers, toys etc when they didn't even know the person concerned,

Wouldn't they be better spending the money on a donation to a charity.

I just don't get it at all. Fair enough if you knew the person involved. but not otherwise.

Ha - you got shot with balls of your own shite for using the phrase 'grief-wank' on a similar thread before - but you are just so pleased with it you couldn't resist rolling it out again. It's another form of self gratification, despite how it makes others feel.

Solid Gold marmite jars? Eh?

SolidGoldBrass eeww that's not a nice expression and your post is very sweeping, judgmental and a tad patronising too. These people are 'stupid and thick' really all of them?

oh i htink the Wootton bassett parades were perfect. Stoic and British. my parents went to one and said it was the most composed yet intensely moving thing ever

I was walking across the pont Alexandre one day when a large quantity of uniformed people with flags started collecting. All in little groups. Veterans, pompiers and so on. I hung around to see what it was.
It was the body of a French soldier being taken up to Invalides, and as the cars went past, they saluted and dipped the flags low, all silently.
I'd taken pictures, in my ignorance, before I knew what it was, but stopped, as the cars passed.

I don't think anyone is arguing, just to get back to the topic, with members of a community mourning. It's grief tourism which bewilders me.

Bootycall... What makes you think that the loved ones of the dead were all in agreement? It upset some very much. I think that's part of the problem, what is acceptable for some isn't ok for others and they have 'equal' status. Clapping has now become part of the scene but for many, it's jarring in a way that a respectful silence never would be.

Is it the equivalent of Facebook 'like' button? That's often used inappropriately and seems to be for want of something to 'do'.

WitchWay... Max Clifford. I wasn't a Jade Goody fan but I felt sorry for her boys. Such a circus and pantomime. The histrionics for the funeral - just on the news clips - were disgusting. Yes, hundreds upon hundreds of jars of Marmite just left for somebody else to clean up.

It seems that some people latch on to attention-seeking behaviour and before long, it becomes the 'norm', however offensive it is.

I agree with sgb to an extent

MadAsFish... Absolutely, the stoicism of the soldiers and veterans in silent tribute was incredibly moving and a perfect example of community mourning.

I don't really get the tributes on facebook, as previous posters have said, the photoshopped pictures, various RIP pages etc shared by people who had absolutely nothing to do with the deceased. In the case of the deceased's family and friends anything they want to do to help them through their grief is absolutely appropriate but for people who never met them the outpourings do seem a bit mawkish.

It's strange, there's a kind of vibration of loss in the air or something. I can't describe it. I'll get back to you when I can find the right words (this may be never). I was very moving.

As is remembrance day here, when they read the name of every service person lost during the previous year, followed by, 'Mort pour la France'.

IT

Fuck knows what 'I was really moving' means.

soildgold your post is awful.

It's the needing to be involved & to involve everyone else I don't get. In the local paper there are, naturally, notices of births, deaths & marriages. Some of the death notices are In Memoriam & to "our Mam who passed on twenty years ago" - of course you remember - you do remember - but why the need to tell everyone else?

but its makes valid points

SolidGoldBrass I find hysterical mass grieving undignified but your post goes way beyond that. It's callous and distasteful

I agree with sgb to an extent

I do too

i wonder if settles into armchair it's a desire to feel connected when you're not?

WitchWay... The newspaper thing, I kind of understand. I wouldn't do it myself but perhaps it's for the same reason that people don't delete texts and mobile numbers of loved ones when they've died. It's a tangible reminder that they were here. A Memoriam is perhaps a similar thing pre-dating mobile phones and facebook - it's the only thing a bereaved person can still do for a deceased loved one - and they can keep the newspaper as 'proof' of existence or something.

MadAsFish... Yes exactly - on the air. It's like I always notice that the birds are not singing on 11th November at 11am. Perhaps they've all migrated (if they have any sense) but to me, it's all very 'fitting' somehow. Silence and remembrance.

I think in this specific case it's more than the usual public grief thing about public figures who no one really knew. I used to live a couple of streets away from where this family lived, in Muirhouse (bit bemused for a while as papers were calling the area Drylaw which is across the main road, so I didn't realise it was so close, it's quite a new street I think with newer flats), and most kids in the area would be playing out together a lot of the time, either because they felt safe to do so or because of parental neglect (pretty major round area). It's quite possible that a lot of local kids knew this wee boy, and plenty people would have seen him around whether or not they knew him. It's really horrifying to think that he might have been suffering so close to home when although the area has a bad reputation for other things, families are usually caring and close. I think since people have been out searching so showing they were concerned and upset in a practical way, now there is nothing they can do, it's mean spirited to then say they can't grieve for the loss of a child.

LyingWitch Max Clifford - thanks

I've still got my late Dad's mobile number in my phone - I didn't equate it but I see what you mean. I suppose for me my grief is personal, mine alone. I can (& do) share it with people I'm close to but I don't want other people involved. The thought of a media circus & a teddy-bear-fest after losing someone dear fills me with dread.

Just scrolled back and SGB's post doesn't pull punches but I too agree with much of what she says.

The difficulty with grieving is that (in my opinion) when it was more private and individual, it didn't draw the attention of anybody else. People were left to grieve in whatever way they wanted to, away from prying eyes. As people have started sharing and demonstrating their grief in public - and expanded it to media sites - it's obviously attracting the attention of people who don't like it and find it distasteful.

It's gone several steps too far now in that people assume grief over people they don't know, they take on the mantle of bereavement when there is none and that, to most people, is offensive and wrong. It doesn't stop people from doing it but by the same token, those people cannot then complain when they 'flaunt' their attention-seeking in such a flagrant way. It's so disrespectful to the family and friends who are genuinely bereaved and grief-stricken,

It all started with Diana. The nation lost its marbles with that bogus, mawkish sentimentality.

I would question the real motive of anyone laying flowers/candles/teddies at the site of a strangers's death. Grief tourism imo.

It started with Dunblane in my mind. I worked close by when that happened and the reaction from many people still appals me.

Me too, WitchWay, I'm an intensely private person and would be beside myself at being forced to acknowledge 'grief gargoyles' whilst trying to grieve and come to terms with my loss.

I was driving home on the M4 yesterday, there was an accident on the other side of the carriageway (M25) and my husband said he could see lots of cars slowing down and thought he saw people taking photos. It should be an offence it really should. Imagine seeing such photos in the public domain?

i blame 24 hour news channels

someone who is dead isnt doing much so they need someoneelse to do something newsworthy outside

I dunno. I think there is something funny about screens. TV's, cameras, phones
It brings us close to something and distances us at the same time. It's contradictory. messes with your normal human responses.
So local people laying flowers seems ok, but FB messages from randoms is mawkish.
Not explained very well but there you go