AIBU to not "get" mass public mourning?

[BabyMummy29]

Thinking of the sad case of the little boy in Edinburgh at the moment, but on so many occasions nowadays people leave flowers, toys etc when they didn't even know the person concerned,

Wouldn't they be better spending the money on a donation to a charity.

I just don't get it at all. Fair enough if you knew the person involved. but not otherwise.

Joyful I don't think anyone objects to people feeling sad. That's normal.

Like, I was sad when Nelson Mandela died, but I would never have made it into a big mawkish thing because I didn't know him. Most people I know where the same when Diana died actually, I don't know anyone who cried or anything.

Agree, one can be sad for them & their family & regretful that they've suffered &/or died without it impacting personally

I don't understand the judginess wrt other people's expression of grief or even just solidarity and support to the bereaved.
So some of us would chose to do it in private, and others would be more public, and some would do one thing in some circumstances and something else in others - that should all be 'allowed', should it not?

I think being able to be natural about your grief is the healthiest option.
I agree with that statement.

Wrt to FB and Twitter - well, social media have not exactly encouraged careful reflection of what gets posted. The equivalent of forgetting to engage ones brain before speaking...

Littlebaby I agree I wouldn't travel far away to lay flowers, infact I haven't ever laid flowers for anyone! I just think it's nice to mark this little boys life or anybody who's life has been taken too soon

this thread demonstrates how differently people grieve and what they find to be acceptable behaviour.

no one is right or wrong here. just different I guess.

Spot on booty

Well said Booty

I don't like clapping hearses either. Not sure when and why this started happening.

Personally I prefer a dignified silence, but each to their own.

In my OP I wasn't trying to impose my opinions on anybody else but just saying that personally I don't understand grieving for someone you've never known.

Babymummy I got a bit on my high horse as this wee boy stays 10 mins from me I had lots of friends and my best friend searched for him, I could say more on this story but it's not really the place to say,

I understand that if you lived in the community then you may want to leave something as a mark of respect (although as someone else said, it seems pointless to leave cuddly toys etc out).

What I don't get is all the outpouring of grief on the social networking sites along the lines of 'been crying about dis all day, rest in peace wiv da angles now darling' stuff.

Mister I'm not on fb for this reason deactivated my account months ago! And I've not seen nothing on twitter along they lines!
I wouldn't take a cuddly toy but see why people have as he's a child and cuddly toys are associated with kids

mister It's a form of mutual masturbation on a grand scale - I don't get it either

And also the strange photoshopped images of mikaeel's face in a 'heavenly scene'.......

I'm not usually one for such displays & don't imagine contributing but in the case of Mikaeel, I can understand the community wanting to.

For years Muirhouse, Pennywell, Pilton have had a bad reputation for drugs & drug-related crime with people fearing that area. Off course there have always been decent people in those areas & pockets of neighbourlyness BUT, despite recent regeneration of the physical landscape, people have still kept their heads down.

To suddenly have a community physically coming together with a common purpose (AND sharing that purpose with the police) has made people feel positive about that community. People were gearing themselves up for further searches over the weekend.

I think that there a lot of feelings that people don't know what to do with. Obviously sadness that a child has died but , also a wish to prolong that feeling of pulling together & the area being seen in a positive light. There's a lot about this particular instance that is difficult to articulate.

I'd rather see those tributes than the rot in hell/hope you hang comments online.

that's interesting member

yes the clapping of hearses is a new one. I think for the youngsters like my sons it is similar to the football crowds clapping for a minute to remember a death rather than the minutes silence.

I think either is absolutely fine if it's done out of respect and love for the deceased.

this is what happened at Wooten Bassett during my sons friends repatriation and it was most definatly done with real grief and respect.

it's all about the spirit and the intention really in grief.

member yes that sounds a really sensible reading of the situation. very understandable.

I have experienced huge losses in my life but I don't get the public displays of grief that occur. It strikes me that it only happens on a grand scale when it's a high profile death. People jump on the band wagon to show their respects to someone they would have known nothing about if they hadn't heard it on the news. The recent death of the little boy is tragic and I have felt very sad but I didn't feel an urge to lay flowers/teddies etc in his memory. I often wonder what happens to all the offerings? Who has to deal with it?

Just seen on the news that the man who made the racist comment on twitter about the death has been released on bail

Bootycall - I can understand the clapping of the hearse at a military funeral. Even if fellow soldiers didn't know the deceased, they are all part of the same cause.

The clapping of the hearses I find extremely offensive and the same with clapping during a one minute's remembrance. What is wrong or outdated about the traditional one minute's silence? We don't 'clap' on 11th November at 11am, do we? Is that something else we can 'look forward' to?

It's nothing to do with being young either. It's just a new 'thing' creeping in, like the littering of the verges with Marmite jars when Jade Goody died. It's very much 'look at me, look at me!'.

That's how I feel about it anyway.

One of the reasons to find this grief-wanking distasteful is because quite a lot of the people who really go for it are not nice people.They're often thick, easily led and full of self-righteousness. It doesn't take very much for this sort of witless sentimentality to tip over into equally witless aggression - the people slobbering and blubbering all over Facebook and/or travelling miles to put some petrol station flowers onto a growing compost heap are quite often the ones baying and banging on police vans and/or attacking strangers for spurious reasons. Anyone remember the petty crook who assaulted some daft tourist for picking up one of the billion mouldering teddybears laid out for Princess Die? Or the woman in Portsmouth who got up a big public campaign against peeddafils while her own DS was on the at-risk register for neglect? Never mind all the 'Maxine Carrs' - women who were attacked and had to leave their homes because they looked a bit like Maxine Carr...

Lying I didn't know about the Marmite jars. I heard that her death was announced as if she'd died on Mothering Sunday for maximum effect, even though she hadn't - I really hope the media mogul bloke who took her under his wing whose name escapes me wouldn't stoop so low.

shallWeShop yes that's probably correct.

LyingWhitch no it's not offensive unless the loved ones of the dead are offended. they led the clapping so it's not really for anyone else to judge.

I totally agree with you about the minutes silence though, it's beautiful and peaceful.

not heard of the marmite jars though re Jade Goodey.