my time off and dh aibu

[livingmydream612]

Can you settle an argument with me and dh please. Who is bu

We have been together 10 years and have a dd1yr.
Dh works full time starts his day at 0330am and is home at 4pm.
I start day with dd typically 07/08 am and she goes to bed at 7pm.
At the moment 3 nights per week after work he does all the looking after dd. I have the nights to do as I please, he has 2 nights per week and a day off sunday. He suggested we do this 7 weeks ago to give me some time to myself.
With the new year he is on a gym kick and also wants to sleep more after work therefore he has said that he now during the week I have to look after dd myself and I can get a half day of his sunday off for time to myself,
I realize this is a silly post but dh wants to know what you all think. I know I probably am being selfish here but I really look forward to my nights off.

You both need the same amount if leisure time. Anything else and he is being selfish. Work out when you are each going to have your leisure time and sort it out that way.

Where are you when he's doing the after work care when he finishes at 4.

Are you working out of the home?

Sorry, the whole situation sounds very strange to me.

he gets up at 3.30am?? Every day??

I refuse to answer your H through you (and your OP is pretty confusing, tbh), but the simple solution is to tot up the amount of quality leaisure time you both get

that doesn't mean that you are loading the washing machine, cleaning, picking up, preparing stuff for next day etc

I mean time you get for yourself alone

Do you like looking after your dd?

If that were in our house he would have both Sat & Sun lie ins.

Evenings, I suppose, need to be agreed - spend 4-7 as a family, dinner, playing, bathtime etc, then after seven you can each do what you want. If he wants to go to the gym, maybe he could do that Mon Wed and Fri nights, with you getting Tue and Thir as your nights?

When do you spend time together as a family?

I also think yabu to expect him to look after your dd if he is up at 3.30am! He must be knackered.

Does she nap during the day?

Yes 0330 am every day. I make our dinners do some housework and watch tv/read a book uninterrupted.
Sorry it sounds so clinical. We both spend much of this time together with our dd also however the parent whose night it is had responsibilities such as bath/supper/bed etc.
The skiinggardiner thats how I feel but he disagrees and feels because he is at work and I am the sahm his job is much harder. I do all hwork.

I agree with former.

Sorry but I am a sahm to two children...if my dh had to get up at 3.30am everyday to work, I would not expect him to take over childcare in the evenings.

Do you do specific things on your nights off or are you just at home reading, having a bath etc? I actually find the whole 'nights off' thing quite weird. Surely if DD goes to bed at 7pm then you both have time to do things for yourself? Or spend time together?

I find this whole 'rota' quite bizarre.

Do you not just work as a family unit/team reading your dd?

*regarding

I agree with formerbabe

Your username is quite fitting to your op

Why would he be too knackered to care for his child if his regular shift work means getting up at 3:30, being home at 4, spending 3 hours with his daughter (3 days a week) and then being free to go to bed anytime after 7?

Not much different to being up at 7:30 and going to bed around 11 surely - if its your regular pattern.

I think you're being unfair on your partner.

Watching telly/ reading?

I think your dh has the shit end of the wedge as you describe things.

I love my dd. she has her terrible two at the moment and her tantrums are serious. She also cant be left alone as she is walking/climbing everywhere amd anything. So its nice to make dinner without her trying to climbing up me. I enjoy the time i get to myself.

You sound very entitled. If your dd goes to bed at 7, then you have a fair bit of the evening to yourself.

We spend time together as a family unit 3 of us playing etc then i will make dinner tidy up etc, the only set chores if u like are bath supper story, sorry if this isnt making much sense.

Sheepishly hiding.... I know I am lucky really. :-P

I'm with your dh - if I've got this right, he starts his day at 3.30am, and works until 4pm ?
You are a SAHM with just one child, and yet you expect him to come in from that shift and take full responsibility for your child while you have evenings off ?
Really ?
Apologies if I'm wrong but your dh is doing far more than his fair share there.

I think the evenings he's responsible for his daughter sound important - if you do all the primary caring for 6 and a half days of the week they're not going to have much time to develop a good relationship are they?

If DD goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up at 7am. that's a pretty good evening for you to do your own thing every night. Presumably DH goes to bed pretty early 8/9pm?? So I find it really odd you don't want to spend some time together as a family.

Unless there's something you're not saying (such as DD being up half the night, every night). I don't think it's unreasonable for you to be "on duty" till 7pm (you're working fewer hours than your DH!), but I do think DH should be around and caring for DD with you for probably most of the weekday evenings.