my time off and dh aibu

[livingmydream612]

Can you settle an argument with me and dh please. Who is bu

We have been together 10 years and have a dd1yr.
Dh works full time starts his day at 0330am and is home at 4pm.
I start day with dd typically 07/08 am and she goes to bed at 7pm.
At the moment 3 nights per week after work he does all the looking after dd. I have the nights to do as I please, he has 2 nights per week and a day off sunday. He suggested we do this 7 weeks ago to give me some time to myself.
With the new year he is on a gym kick and also wants to sleep more after work therefore he has said that he now during the week I have to look after dd myself and I can get a half day of his sunday off for time to myself,
I realize this is a silly post but dh wants to know what you all think. I know I probably am being selfish here but I really look forward to my nights off.

Actually scallops, I believe if you are a sahm to just one child, then the housework is your responsibility.

I'm reading this as the person 'on rota' has ultimate responsibility for their daughter on those nights - ie. they're the one listening out for her, getting her a drink if she needs it, doing bed time etc.

I think the original arrangement sounds fine - and I completely understand the rota-like arrangements. In our house DP does bedtime - it's his assigned job all week (after his full time job + commute, shock horror), I do pretty much everything else child-wise (I cook more generally, but he cooks breakfast most days, I do most of the housework, but he does some bits and pieces).

If we didn't have the strict split, then he would slowly start getting me to do it one night, then a couple of nights because he'd get lazy (freely admits this)

And it's not like she's using this time all to herself - she's cooking dinner/doing a bit of housework as well - ie the things that are a pain when you're also looking after a little one who wants to help/be helped/do something else

formerbabe - sod that - I'm SAHM, I do what I can during the day around the kid (now kids) and whatever's left of an evening/weekend is for us both to do.

If DP told me that it was my responsibility to do everything, be on call 24 hours while they lazed around doing things for themselves then he'd be getting a sharp word on that from me, and I'd be straight out to work and expecting him to take 50% of the childcare/housework from then on. DP knows this, and that's why he doesn't take the mick (too much)

"Op...if you don't work, then what is the problem with doing all the housework and most of the childcare?"

Regardless of hours worked - what about the relationship between the child and the parent who doesn't bother to do their full share of childcare?

The OP doesn't seem to have a problem with doing all the housework and cooking (I personally would but she doesn't) - she just wants to be able to do it without a toddler 'helping' a few days a week and have time for exercise classes:o/

I've got three DC under 8. What's leisure time?

I don't understand some people's attitude to this (and finding it quite interesting, as I will soon be going on maternity leave with my first).

Currently my DH and I both work full time, and do 50/50 housework. Do people really think that when I'm at home full time, suddenly, I should do ALL housework and childcare? i.e. the impact on him of having a baby should be that he needs to do LESS work than he did pre-DC?

That doesn't make sense to me. Personally, I would not be having a child with a man who didn't want anything to do with it 5 or 6 days a week.

OP - your DH needs to think long and hard about what he is suggesting, and the implications it could have on his relationship with his daughter. I could have no respect for a man who did not want to deal with his child on a day to day basis. This was an opinion I established at a very young age, when I compared what my dad did to what my mum did, and decided he was a selfish prick. As an adult, I now see that he is a good person, but he was not a good father in a lot of ways. Does your DH really want that for himself?

If I was you, I'd definitely dig my heels in, and make sure that you get your nights for your classes, and he spends decent time with your DC at least a few nights per week. And just ignore all the people saying "you've got it better than me, so you should be happy with it". You shouldn't settle for an unfair situation just because it's slightly less unfair than other people's.

Dh and I have always split the housework, childcare 50/50. He did night feeds even when he had a fulltime day job. We were both busy, we were both tired.

But that's what it's like with young children. It's not hard to find a balance if you work together.

Personally, I would not be having a child with a man who didn't want anything to do with it 5 or 6 days a week.

Me neither. Having said that, I also wouldn't be having a child with someone who expected me to take on all the financial responsibilities of earning a living and to then come home and do a second shift of housework/childcare while they had time to relax. Far better IMO if paid work, housework and childcare are shared equally.

The principle of equal leisure time should apply, whether you work outside the home or in it.