About eating out and tipping

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

"My experience is that service in the US is far better than service in the UK. Been here 7 years and I've only had service bad enough to stop me from tipping once."

But service everywhere in the US seems to be better, not just in tippable jobs. Shop assistants, till operators, etc - they don't get tipped but the service is better. So are tips actually the cause of the superior service?

I am British but living in the US. As some previous posters have said, the tipping culture is very different here. I would say the norm is 15-20% for decent service, perhaps I would tip 25% if the service was exceptional.

When I lived in the UK I would also tip, and I must say that I agree with the notion that "if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out." The thing that really strikes me is the meanness inherent in some of these responses. Not the "it's never occurred to me to tip" ones, but the "I never tip on principle and I don't care if the waitress had to deal with a large table/numerous picky eaters food allergies. I would be embarrassed to eat out - anywhere - where the people I was with didn't tip. It's a gesture of goodwill, a sign of appreciation.

And Suelford I would almost certainly say yes. The last time I was back in the UK, I ate out a few times and was taken aback at how poor the service was. I was actually inclined to make a complaint at one place, and tellingly, the British people I was with agreed that although the service was "a bit slow", it was nothing out of the ordinary.

I think another cultural difference is the idea that in the US, waiting is considered a respectable profession (in the higher end establishments, that is.) It is not at all unusual to have a 50 year old waiter who has been supporting his family quite nicely for the past 30 years or so from his (low) wages and tips. It's not solely for surly teenagers trying to pay themselves through college. Professional pride leading to great service leading to decent tips leading to....

Applying your logic one only eat out if include a tip?thats your stifling etiquette
Not applicable to all,the notion that eating our one must factor in tips
It's optional to tip

There's nothing stifling about it. If I can't afford to eat at a four star Michelin restaurant, I'll go to the local café. Not stifling. Simple finances.

You make dining choices based on your notion of tipping?no tip no go?Thats stifling and unnecessary
Bottom line is,an establishment needs your patronage more than the tip

Anglo my point was, if tips were the cause of good service, then why do untipped roles (shop assistant, till operator, etc) also give a better service in the UK?

*than in the UK.

Suelford Good question. I'm not sure - although where I am, in the Midwest, there's just a generally more "friendly" tone to business interactions than I had experienced in the UK. For example, I am always greeted when I walk into a store (other than a department store, that is). And it's not the obnoxious, how-can-I-help, I'm-going-to-follow-you-around-the-store-until-you-buy-something greeting, just a "Hi, how are you?" It's superficial of course, I'm sure the girl at the store doesn't care one way or another, but it's still expected.

At first it was a culture shock for me - moving from London, where if I had a heart attack on the middle of the M&S food court, people would just tut to themselves and climb over me to get the last of the half-price prawns - but now I like it. I was at the Meadowhall Center last time I was back in the UK and I swear not a single shop assistant said anything to me other than "That's five pounds please." And I got lots of funny looks when I said, "Hi, how are you?"

So for me, I don't know the answer why, but I know that I like it.

You are wrong on this point. This varies by state and around 20% of the USA does not have a lower minimum wage for tipped employees. This includes big tourist destinations like California and Las Vegas

If we're being exact, I believe 7 states don't have a lower minimum wage for tipped employees. Including Nevada, the state in which the city of Las Vegas is in. 43 states out of 50 is still the majority of states paying a lower minimum wage for tipped employees. Regardless of that, tipping is the norm here, and that's one of the reasons why.

As far as tipping waitstaff, hairdressers, etc., vs. tipping retail staff, the people you generally tip provide more of a service, don't they? When I go to a restaurant, my waiter takes my order including any changes I'd like to make, brings me food, condiments, drinks, checks on my table several times to make sure everything is good. My stylist washes my hair, cuts it, colors it, dries and styles it.

I went to a clothing store today; the clerk asked me if I needed any assistance (I did not), I picked out my items, and then a different clerk rang my items up at the register. It's not exactly the same level of service, IMO. Even if I had asked for assistance, it would have been along the lines of, "can you please direct me to the bras," or whatever, not exactly a lot of hands-on sort of service.

Friends, Romans, poor people (which is load of people)! You are allowed to eat out! You are! Please continue eating out! Your money is as good as the Lady Bountifuls' on this thread. Waitresses get minimum wage, just like you! And I have waitressed and it's tiring but it's not that hard a job. I've done harder.

Man, I just...I lived in absolute soul crushing poverty for so many years. No holidays, not even a day trip, no new clothes, cold ALL the time, and I remember the few times I went out for dinner with a friend. It was my absolute limit. I used to have three pounds twenty five discretionary income per week, that I could spend on clothing/birthday presents for other people/books etc and it nearly always got eaten by medical things anyway, or just putting the heating on tbh, but sometimes I would save up enough to actually go OUT, for two whole hours, which was the longest I could leave the house as I had zero care cover. And millions of people live like this. Millions.

I would never tell someone they are not allowed to go out for dinner if they've got the money for the sticker price. Man. You guys with these high handed pronouncements... You have no idea. No idea at all!

AngloAmerican I think that in the uk we find greeters at stores unsettling. We don't like to talk to people we d

AngloAmerican I think that in the uk we find greeters at stores unsettling. We don't like to talk to people we don't know. I remember that getting into the Disney store without having to be greeted was a sport.
However when in the states recently I loved the level of service I got, but I hated the constant tipping. Some bars and restaurants I went into had signs explaining tipping and how it was expected. I never knew who to tip or when. I feel so condescending when I do it.

When we travelled through the amish area (lancaster county) in usa it was rude to tip but there were notices on the menu saying that.

In this county you dont have to tip. It something that seems to come from usa. However if its a good meal with excellent staff i will tip by rounding up and leaving the money. Never on the credit card as you dont know if the staff will get it.

Steff13... What about nursing staff then, using your 'scale of interaction' and actual personal service? Check on you multiple times a day, bring your medication, administer it to you, check your notes, reassure you, bring you water or something to eat if you need it and can have it, check with doctors if your condition worsens, manage your visitors... and the list goes on.

If anybody deserves tipping, it is those staff.

Anatanacoat... Agree with you absolutely. I know this country is still in or in slow recovery from a double-dip recession. There are posters here who are really struggling earning nothing or barely minimum wage. Nobody should be telling others that they must tip or mustn't eat out. How arrogant.

I think waiting staff, like all others, should be paid by their employer. Any tips earned are for diners to determine and give if they want to. It shouldn't be expected, it really shouldn't. Service standards are slipping whilst expectations are stable and getting higher.

Pipbin... yy to being greeted by people we don't know. It's an assault to Britishness!

londonrach... We always tip takeaway delivery drivers except for when we have Indian. They just won't accept tips, not in restaurants either, or not the ones we've been to. Last time we went I gave the owner a bottle of regional liqueur that I'd picked up in France and he was very pleased with it. Perhaps it's the impersonal 'tipping' that some don't like but personal gifts are fine. It's a minefield.

DH and I have both worked in hospitality in the distant past, in many different types of restaurants. In all cases, we were taxed on the expectation that we would receive a certain amount of tips. so if we got no tips, our minimum wage would have shrunk further. Is this still not the case?

In any case, I am quite shocked by some of the attitudes on here - comparing the role of a checkout assistant (5 mins interaction per customer, seated) with a waiter (1-2 hours of repeat interaction per customer, catering for all your requirements, continually on feet). And then saying both deserve the same recompense

What kind of nurse would you be if you were expecting tips? Come on, its hardly the same. ( my mate who's a nurse thinks thats hilarious!)

"comparing the role of a checkout assistant (5 mins interaction per customer, seated) with a waiter (1-2 hours of repeat interaction per customer, catering for all your requirements, continually on feet)"

I ate out at a Harvester last week (fancy, I know), and the waitress took our order (2m), pointed us to the salad buffet and drinks fountain (30s), and brought the plates over from the kitchen about 15 metres away (30s). Also checked with us halfway through that everything was alright (10s), and brought over the bill (2m).

In total, she couldn't have spent much more than 5 minutes total dealing with our table in particular, and it wasn't even bad service, perfectly adequate.

Nurses also have a very similar role (1-2 hours of repeat interaction per "customer", catering for all your requirements, continually on feet) - why shouldn't they be tipped?

Nurses aren't allowed to accept tips. It could compromise patient care.

I generally tip in a restaurant but not in coffee shops. I tip cocktail bartenders, as I admire their skill, but not people pulling pints.

Restaurant owners use tips to subsidise their wage bills as only income tax is payable on tips. They only pay NI on the NMW/basic wage element of total staff compensation.

I don't really see the point of tips being distributed evenly amongst staff - how does that encourage good service if you receive a generous tip for working hard, knowing it's going to be shared out amongst everyone else, including those who haven't worked as hard as you?

I know that nurses can't accept tips; they deserve them though. That is what I'm saying.

Evening dinner or lunches with larger parties generally get tipped more, don't they? I don't see that speedy lunches as described by Suelford are a service demanding of high tipping surely?

I tipped a Brewers Fayre duty manager yesterday. We'd stayed at Premier Inn for a week and he was fantastic at his job, not just with us but with families - anticipating and getting high chairs. He was there at breakfast, lunch and through dinner time for three days and then off for two. There was another duty manager on then who wasn't great; we missed the first one and when he came back on our last day, we told him how much we'd appreciated him.

Perhaps, in the UK, we need to produce some kind of guidance as to what service we appreciate and what we don't? For example:

I love
friendly greeting 'hello', taking my coat, umbrella, promptness in being shown to a table, politeness in seeing that I have all I need, information about what's off the menu if anything, knowledge about dishes and ingredients, being left in peace, attention to getting the bill and making payment, returning correct apparel to me, friendly goodbye.

I loathe
over-"friendly" and fake greetings, surly attitudes if only ordering tea/coffee/soft drinks, being shoehorned into a tiny table with bags, coats etc. when there are bigger ones and the restaurant is empty, having to ask the same question several times, inattentive staff who are busy chatting with other staff, waiting staff not knowing what's on the menu and what isn't, or not knowing anything about the dishes, being asked several times, and usually when I've just put something in my mouth, if everything's alright with the food, being made to feel unreasonable if something isn't alright and I need to send it back, being harried into enduring 'forced jollity' and singing 'happy birthday' to random customers that nobody knows, having to wait for the bill having asked several times, being rushed out.

I have my favourite haunts; they do all of the former and none of the latter.

yy Rubybleu, tips from me are for specific staff who I've particularly appreciated.

We split the food bill and people either buy their own drinks or go into a bill or round together. Too often I've been on a budget and one of DPs well off friends has ordered champagne for the table and expected us to pay- despite not even having any. It's easier to decide in advance then refuse on the night, though we still did in the case of the bill going from £40 pp to £75 pp due to these peoples expensive tastes.

We always split the tip to include in the food price or if they've already added the service then it's just bill splitting.

You shouldn't have had to pay for his drinks, your DH should have made that clear, and you should have done separate from the beginning. All you can do is live and learn and say in advance- or you can get burned. You always have to anticipate the money added for VAT, service/tip when on a budget as well though.