About eating out and tipping

[Normalisavariantofcrazy]

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

So when you said you didn't want to tip because the service was bad, that wasn't strictly true - you had no intention of tipping even if the service was amazing?

See I always ask for the discretionary service charge to be removed from the bill unless it's exceptional service.

I will not pay extra if all they've done is stand at the table and write my order on a piece of paper and then plonk food on the table and clear the plates. That's what their wages pay for.

Wow

If the service was exceptional - as in large table, smiley staff member, polite, well mannered, kept us up to date with delays etc then yes they get a tip.

I rarely tip though and hate being forced to.

My main reason for lack of tip despite all that is lack of funds

The service tonight was genuinely bad.
None of you automatic tippers would have tipped.

Surely you knew what your FIL was like about tipping before you went out? My BIL refuses to tip so I won't eat out with him. It's embarrassing.

Have a look online if you don't believe me - every single article says 10% tip minimum in table service restaurants is the norm

Okay, to answer the paying question....in a group meal, if not all paying our own, we tend to evenly split the food, and then the drinks pay for individually. Inevitably there will be members of the group who drink shitloads, and some who are on the water all night.

Wrt your general attitude on this thread, YABU. I'm not sure why you felt the need to spell out that the service was bad when it's apparent you never had the intention of tipping anyway.

It's only been recently and mainly in big cities that tipping is expected. It certainly wasn't expected when I waitressed.

I also hate going to the US and their belief they have a right to being tipped for shit service.

It is the cultural norm in this country to tip certain jobs - it just is, whether you agree with it or not. I wouldn't eat out if i couldn't adhere to the etiquette and expected norms. You may personally rail against it - and i do have sympathy with the position. But the tide is against you and tipping/service charge is very much the norm now.

Oh and don't ever go on holiday to the US or Canada

X-posted - so you don't tip for people doing their job properly and efficiently. They have to genuflect to get their extra £2. Nice.

But it ISNT the norm. It never has been.

OP - look, you live in the UK, norm here is if it isn't specifed that 'service is included' you are expected to pay for it. It's a bit like saying you go into a shop and you think you should be able to pay just cost for the item, not the mark up that includes the wage for the staff who serve you. At least with eating out, if that service isn't good enough you can choose not to pay that bit.

You know that in the UK it's expected you will tip. There are restaurants that include service, and they charge more for the meals to cover that. Or they break it down on your bill to show you the service that's been added, but if not, it's assumed you will pay what you think it was worth. You might have terrible service and pay nothing, but you left the house intended to not pay unless it was exceptional, not that you would pay unless it was bad.

You eat out, you pay what it costs, and the cost includes a tip. Splitting the bill and people who drink more is a different issue, but one that you need to decide to take the innitative with - again, it's a given in the UK if you eat out as a group the bill is split unless agreed to do differently, that's the social norm. If you want to behave differently from the norm, there's a polite way to do it, say before anything is ordered that you'd like separate bills and just pay for your own (ideally say before the night so you have agreed 'the terms' in advance), or there's the rude way, waiting until the end of the evening and the bill has arrived to say you want to do something different.

TBH, I'd be embarrassed to eat out with anyone who was rude enough to not tip good service.

Why should I pay for someone to do their job?! No other worker gets tipped for doing their job in the normal manner.

I get performance pay but that's only if I'm exceptional and perform over and above expected standards, why is the service industry any different?!

Op at least you are being honest and admitting main reason being lack of funds.
As a student I waitressed on minimum wage and was so grateful for any tips left. My niece is doing the same now, I think that when you have done the job you tend to think more of gratuity etc.
However your evening with fil did sound most awkward

It has NEVER been the norm to tip. Not when I worked as a waitress and not when I have eaten out. It's only been recently and only in London tbh that this discretionary charge has crept onto my bills.

People who work in some states of the US and Canada don't get paid wages - they earn their tips. They also get taxed (about 15%) on the bill on every table they serve (as it is presumed everyone will tip as it is the cultural norm) so if you don't tip you actually cost them money. in effect they could be paying to serve you.

It is not recent - i am 37 and i have never not tipped. It has always been the norm for us.

Really, you must have worked in some strange places
Here's a real top tip....
NEVER visit the USA or Canada
And never ever sit outside at a street cafe in Paris or Venice

Your FIL was a prat.
I very rarely tip when I'm eating out. I went for a carvery lunch a week or two ago so it was a fancy buffet so nothing for the waitress to do really.
Even the drinks were help yourself free refills.
yes I eat out in some very classy places
I only tip when I have had fantastic service, which doesn't happen very often.

Well, don't know where you used to waitress, but in my northern, 80s, not major city childhood, you tipped anywhere you were served to your table.

You might have been surrounded by a non-tipping family, but it's certainly the norm and has been for a long, long time for most of the UK. You can say all you like that it shouldn't be, but prices are set on the understanding customers will tip.

Are you talking about the 2.5euro service tax they lump on in Italy for the privilege of you having a coffee? Yes, been caught out with that one, wasn't impressed!

I think carvery and pour your own drinks may be different in the consideration of service charge. I'm not sure i would tip at a place i served myself.

Agree MrsKoala carvery a bit different. I would normally only leave a small one there.

If you are too mean to leave a tip don't eat out.

oh but the discretionary charge is new, because lots of people don't tip if not prompted!

Skinny - I wouldn't have tipped a place I had to effectively help myself, they don't expect you to in that sort of situation.