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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About eating out and tipping

525 replies

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 17/01/2014 20:25

I've just endured a meal with the inlaws and fil insisted on rounding the bill up - not to the nearest £10 but to the nearest £20 before splitting it out evenly between us all.

The meal was a set price the only thing that varied it was the drinks.

DH and I only had enough money for our share of the bill (tight month) and yet FIL would not accept this and nearly started a row saying we should pay the extra as it was for a tip, the service was shit tbh and didn't deserve one.

AIBU to be angry with FIL for insisting we spend more money than we had budgeted for a)because he got pissed as a fart and most of the bill was his drinks and b) for him rounding it up without asking

How do you deal with group meals and splitting the bill? This has really upset me as I'm now utterly skint

OP posts:
OddFodd · 17/01/2014 20:27

As far as paying for your FIL's drinks, YANBU. As for paying a tip, YABU. We tip in the UK. It's 12.5%. Budget for it if you're eating out

darkdays · 17/01/2014 20:30

Usually sort out payment beforehand. Wether to split or pay separately, depends on situation, but if I was skint, I would say pay separately from the off. However it sounds as though you file behaved badly. I would be pissed off him.

Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 17/01/2014 20:31

Is that the royal we?

I've never tipped for bad service and never tip out if habit

OP posts:
sparklyma · 17/01/2014 20:31

Tips are absolutely not compulsary (I used to be a waitress and got tips about half of the time). Yanbu. He shouldnt have insisted on the tip, especially if the service was crap.

darkdays · 17/01/2014 20:31

FIL not fine!

I wouldn't tip if the service is bad.

sparklyma · 17/01/2014 20:31

And if you do tip 10% is perfectly acceptable.

GroupieGirl · 17/01/2014 20:32

OddFodd - I've worked in the service industry for over a decade...tipping in the UK is NOT 12.5%!

thatstoast · 17/01/2014 20:32

I'm quite easy going, don't normally drink and wouldn't object to splitting a bill equally.

However, if someone objected to splitting it I wouldn't 'force' them to pay more than their share and you shouldn't have given into your FIL if you couldn't afford to pay more.

I think your FIL's attitude is the issue rather than what is the norm or good etiquette.

MakingEveryDayCount · 17/01/2014 20:33

We tip in the UK. It's 12.5%.

Tipping is NOT compulsory in the UK, so no idea where you've got that idea from. Confused

OP, YANBU. Your FIL sounds like an arse for forcing you to pay for a tip when it's now made you be skint. I'd be annoyed too.

spookyskeleton · 17/01/2014 20:33

Grin at the 12.5% tipping advice. That is a very specific amount and would involve a calculator to get it exactly correct Wink

MrsKoala · 17/01/2014 20:34

With regard to the tipping, how much was the bill and how much was it rounded up to? if the rounding up was less than 10% of the bill then i think YABU. With regard to the drinks - it depends do you normally split the bill equally? If so then this is the norm for you, unless you specifically change arrangements beforehand.

darkdays · 17/01/2014 20:37

Tipping always reminds me of reservoir dogs Grin

Felix90 · 17/01/2014 20:39

YANBU with regards to either - why should you have to pay for their drinks? And I never tip for shit service.

WooWooOwl · 17/01/2014 20:39

I don't tip for bad service, but as presumably your weren't planning on having bad service, you should have budgeted for a tip.

If you were sticking to a budget you should have asked to pay for just drinks or the whole meal separately before orders were taken. Especially if you usually split the bill, which would be a regular thing to do with family.

What sort of restaurant was it?

MrsKoala · 17/01/2014 20:39

Making - is there a country where tipping is compulsory? genuine question? Surely if so, it's not tipping then and just part of the bill. Even when it isn't compulsory, if it is the cultural norm then it is part of the expectation. I think in the UK it is the cultural norm to tip. I have never been out and not tipped, and most restaurants i go to put a discretionary service charge on.

OddFodd · 17/01/2014 20:40

No, it's not compulsory. It's not compulsory in any country. I just wouldn't feel comfortable eating with table service and not tipping. When I was a waitress, I relied on tips to a large extent.

SuzanneUK · 17/01/2014 20:42

Oh, you most certainly have my sympathy.

If there's one thing I cannot stand (and there is!), it's people who are generous with my money when paying restaurant bills.

The truth is it's a power trip for them. Nothing more, nothing less. They might not realise that's what it is, but that's certainly what it is.

They know you won't complain for fear of looking like a total skinflint in front of the whole group and, of course, they themselves get the credit for such generosity of spirit cos it was their idea even though it was, for the most part, everybody else's money.

If you speak up, you ruin the evening - and if you don't, you get mugged! It's a no-win situation no matter how you look at it.

Your best bet might be to have a word with your husband and ask him to ask his dad to refrain from such behavior in future - not because your mean but because you simply cannot afford it.

SybilRamkin · 17/01/2014 20:43

YY to tipping not being compulsory - I worked as a waitress for 7 years and only about half of customers bothered to tip. And it certainly wasn't 12.5%!

Your FIL was being a knob.

Panzee · 17/01/2014 20:43

Calculator schmalculator. 12.5% is half, half and half again.

10% is quicker though. :o

I like to tip but never make anyone else. Depending on who I'm with i might split the bill or pay my own. The last time I tried to join in with a split my friends wouldn't let me because I was pregnant so not drinking. But it's easier when you're with good friends, they are friends for a reason! Nobody should round it up on your behalf, especially not that much.

stardusty5 · 17/01/2014 20:44

I am not a fan of tipping. I've never understood why we tip low paid workers such as waiters, but not checkout assistants, receptionists etc. it always seemed unfair to me.

Yes i used to work in retail!

Happy to be corrected if there is a special reason that i am not aware of.

DontmindifIdo · 17/01/2014 20:50

It's normally 10% unless it's very good service, however you said you hadn't budgetted for the tip, you didn't know at the point you left the house that the service would be bad, be honest, did you ever have the money to tip?!

In the future, say before the meal starts that you'd like separate bills, that is the usually only acceptable way to do it if you would like to avoid straight spliting of the bill. And budget for between 10 and 15% for a tip (15% for amazing service). If there's not enough money in the budget to tip, then there's not enough money in the budget to go out at all.

cate16 · 17/01/2014 20:51

I only tip for good service!

Original poster
Normalisavariantofcrazy · 17/01/2014 20:54

I don't go into a shop knowing I'm spending £20, for arguments sake, and take £30 as normal protocol because the person serving me deserves the extra £10 for doing their job.

If I'm going for a meal and I know the price before hand I will make sure I have that amount with me. I've covered my bill for the food and drink me and my family have consumed and that's the end of the matter as far as I'm concerned. I shouldn't have to pay extra for someone to do their job, that's what their wages pay for.

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 17/01/2014 20:55

Every restaurant that i go to that puts on the 'discretionary service charge' puts on 12.5%. That has been the norm for us where i live for the last 5 years, when it went up from 10%. If there is no service charge i put on 10-15% depending on service.

I used to live in canada and there it is 20% and they put on about 20% in taxes too. So the bill is about 40% more than the menu prices. The way they see it is, if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out.

Only1scoop · 17/01/2014 20:56

Op....so, reading your last post you would never eat out and leave a tip? Even if the service was brilliant?