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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that having 3 kids would not be much harder than having 2.

154 replies

deliverdaniel · 15/01/2014 17:26

I have 2 DC's- age 3 and 4 months. With my first I had PND and found the transition to motherhood really really hard. I then hit my stride as he grew up a bit, and started to love the whole thing and we recently had DS2. I think I"m probably in the crazy hormonal blissed out stage and not thinking rationally but I am desperate for a third child. I feel as though the transition from 0-1 child was so hard for me that nothing could ever feel that hard again, and once we are on the bandwagon of having kids- sleep deprivation/ no social life etc we might as well go for broke. My DH thinks that a third would be a nightmare of extra work and we wouldn't be able to cope. Honest opinions please. Thank you.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 15/01/2014 17:28

Your child is 4 months old. Just leave it a while and see how you both feel.

Sneepy · 15/01/2014 17:28

I'd give it a bit more than 4 months before you make this decision.

antimatter · 15/01/2014 17:29

3 kids under 4 is likely to change your mind :)

whoneedssleepanyway · 15/01/2014 17:29

I don't think anyone has a crystal ball. Could be easy could be hard...

Original poster
deliverdaniel · 15/01/2014 17:30

sorry- forgot to add that I am now 40, so if we were going to do it it would have to be soon. would love to hear experiences from those with three kids....thanks!

OP posts:
ilovespinach · 15/01/2014 17:31

(rocks quietly in the corner hiding from my three kids).

For some people I guess it's a walk in the park but for others (like us) it's turned out to be a massive struggle.

Best to wait until your little one is a bit older.

notnowbernard · 15/01/2014 17:32

I found 1-2 harder than 2-3

I still loved it, but I found it much more knackering for some reason

Dc3 was so easy, the other 2 were school age...

However I'm feeling it a bit now, tbh... It's obviously physically easier and not as tiring but it IS more demanding, by the simple fact that there are more folk wanting a piece of you Wink

Original poster
deliverdaniel · 15/01/2014 17:33

ilovespinach thanks so much for your response. would you mind sharing how old are your three? what are the hardest parts?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 15/01/2014 17:33

I think a third would have broken me

2 rubbish sleepers for a start - I think how well your kids sleep makes a huge difference to the whole parenting experience

The logistics of it changes - when you have a third that's on top of a school age child, a toddler AND a baby

Having said that, you know your limits

summertimeandthelivingiseasy · 15/01/2014 17:33

I went from 1 to 3, so cannot comment from my own experience.

I have been told that going from 2-3 is about learning crowd control, then 4 is easy.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 15/01/2014 17:33

Even at 40 I don't think I'd advise you to TTC in the immediate new baby bliss that is 4 months old. Wait until you've got two DCs walking and then reassess. I think 3 is harder in a lot of ways.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 15/01/2014 17:35

I love having three, but they are hard work and I don't recommend small age gaps at all. 2 under 2 is not bringing out my best parenting moments.

My kids are 4.10, 2.1 and 3mths.

InTheRedCorner · 15/01/2014 17:35

I've found 3 really hard work even with a 6 year gap between eldest and youngest.

Some one always needs new school uniform, homework, going out in the car they argue because no on wants to sit in the middle or next to x, activities are a pain always someone needing dropped off/picked up.

Soo much more washing and bedding and food, holidays aren't friendly for over 4 ie needing two rooms, someon on their own on the plane...

It's nice when they all get along though.

SamG76 · 15/01/2014 17:35

3rd a struggle, as you and DP are suddenly a scarce resource....

notnowbernard · 15/01/2014 17:36

Yy to the constant activities and the expense that brings

Windmillsinthesand · 15/01/2014 17:36

1 to 2 was much harder than 2 to 3, now they are 10,7 and 3 much easier.

Hoppinggreen · 15/01/2014 17:39

My brother has 3 children and particularly in the early years both him and his wife said that with hindsight it was a bit of a mistake.
They love no3 dearly but it's been more awkward with cars, holidays etc and someone is always left out.
I wouldn't want 3, I would rather have 4.

CheeseandGherkins · 15/01/2014 17:40

I've recently had my 5th (6th technically but dd2 was stillborn) and yes it can be difficult at times but I'm very glad to have them all. Their ages are 11 (12 in a month), 10, 7, nearly 2 and 11 weeks. I love the hustle and bustle of a larger family and enjoy their company. Not great sleepers! I think a couple of them tried to kill me off with a lack of sleep and getting up at 5am every day without fail for years...!

I do love it and find it sooo quiet when they're not all around.

WoodBurnerBabe · 15/01/2014 17:41

I have 3 (6,3 and 1) and it is hard work, but going from 1-2 was harder than going from 2-3.

Am permanently knackered though!

ilovespinach · 15/01/2014 17:42

Sure. My dc are 7,6 and 1. But oldest is closer to 8 and middle dc just 6 IYKWIM.

Time is the hardest thing for us. My older dc needs a lot of help with homework so finding individual time for him is hard. My middle dc is playing up a bit as he feels left out and he can not get along with his younger brother. The youngest one is well one and doesn't sleep through the night, wants to always join in with his brothers...Honestly it's just so much work and dealing with three different personalities can be hard. We also live far away from family so we have to do everything alone.

I hope I'm not sounding too negative. Obviously there are many good points and we love them very much....

It's just hard starting again with a baby when you have older children - maybe that's the problem....There's no time left for dh and I and don't get me started on how much it all costs.

I wish you luck and hope you make the right decision for you.

youmakemydreams · 15/01/2014 17:42

I too found going from 1-2 harder than 2-3.
Mine are 10,7 and nearly 4. There are some days I'm frazzled but like you said I am a bit more grown up and far more laid back about stuff than when I had my (very) pfb and there were days I was frazzled with 2.
When my 3rd was a tiny baby I had a child and pre-achooler. They were less demanding of my time and entertainment than dd was when her first brother came along becuase they already had a good relationship and played together.
The crowd control thing made me laugh though. There are times when out I've joked that i need a sheepdog becuase i have 2 standing still and one still to catch. But all in I had all the stuff My house was already filled with kids paraphernalia so what was one more.
When i had dd, my first I couldn't have imagined 3 but you learn to relax over the years and pick your battles.
I have also been a lone parent to the 3 of them and coped fine.

Procrastinating · 15/01/2014 17:47

I have three. Now aged 4, 6 and 8.

I found the first one very hard but after that 1-2 was fine and 2-3 was relatively easy. The third didn't feel like extra work to me, everything was already there and it was almost automatic.

I found the hardest bit was having one in school and two at home, because of all the schedules we had to stick to and how impossible it is to get a baby and toddler anywhere on time.

So for me YANBU. Having three wasn't my plan (I didn't plan to have any), ds2 and dd are here because of the hormonal blissed out stage!

StandingInLine · 15/01/2014 17:51

I thought the same until not too long ago - daughter is now 6 months and is no longer sleeping all the time. Son is 3 and whilst he's getting a lot better behaved and easier my daughter is only going to get harder.

I'm happy at 2. I like my own time to pursue hobbies too much !!

JoinYourPlayfellows · 15/01/2014 17:55

I also found 0-1 very hard.

Then 1-2 really easy.

Then 2-3 a proper challenge.

I think you would be crazy to try again soon, just enjoy the blissful two children stage.

I think you would be crazy to try for another child when your husband thinks it would "break" him. He might be right.

Rooners · 15/01/2014 17:58

I found 1-2 very easy and actually beneficial; 2 to 3 has been a nightmare.

The pregnancy nearly broke me, and there is never enough time or anything else to go round.

But then I am single since I was pregnant so that probably counts against it.

Fwiw I know other people whom a third child has pretty much been too much for. Even though they were keen from the off. It's just so much harder. I don't know why. And I love babies and found, as I said, my second an absolute doddle.