to think that having 3 kids would not be much harder than having 2.

[deliverdaniel]

I have 2 DC's- age 3 and 4 months. With my first I had PND and found the transition to motherhood really really hard. I then hit my stride as he grew up a bit, and started to love the whole thing and we recently had DS2. I think I"m probably in the crazy hormonal blissed out stage and not thinking rationally but I am desperate for a third child. I feel as though the transition from 0-1 child was so hard for me that nothing could ever feel that hard again, and once we are on the bandwagon of having kids- sleep deprivation/ no social life etc we might as well go for broke. My DH thinks that a third would be a nightmare of extra work and we wouldn't be able to cope. Honest opinions please. Thank you.

Your baby is 4 months old and you are blessed out? Well done!

I'm clinging onto sanity with my fingertips and so sleep deprived I could throw up.

Imagine 2 weeks of your life being wiped out whilst the whole family gets flu or d&v one at a time. Whilst you and DH are ill you must continue as if nothing has happened because you need to keep looking after the DCs. If you think you can hack that, then you are ready for a large family

My eldest is 8, and the youngest 1 yrs old, with 2 in the middle. For the last 3 yrs or so the winter bugs have really hit us (yes I was smug that they hardly ever got sick as preschoolers). From Nov-February every week one person out of six is likely to have some bug or other. We have had 5 lots of d&v one after another -endless washing, house in total chaos, ran out of bedding and towels, begging favours to get healthy ones to and from school. We have also had 5 come down within the space of 48hrs. Cleaning up someone else's sick whilst trying not to vomit yourself... But then of course whoever is healthy wants meals, and entertaining etc!

I love having four. I think two is an eminently sensible number, and actually the older they get, the more I realise how strained our finances are already and are likely to continue.

Ive got 3. Mine are 10,11 and 2.
So a big gap this time round. Which has helped in some ways as the elder two help out.

However I agree with pp. Its not just as about the extra things its when they all need to be in different directions or if they are ill and you need to be in three places at once. At Xmas my 2 year old was admitted to hospital with the norovirus. The 10 year old had it at home and the 11 year old had flu. I didnt sleep for three days. You can forget help as well, offers for babysitting or over night stays seem to disappear when there are three.
I'm your age. I love my dc3, my god I love him, but we should have stopped at 2. We were prettymuch back to independence at the time I conceived. I'm utterly exhausted all the time and am just waiting for dc3 to age a few years then hopefully some life will come back.

My 3 DDs are 6, 4 and 1. Luckily they sleep well and get on most of the time!! So far it's been easier than I thought it was going to be - but part of this is done to dd3 having a different dad who is far more hands on than my exh. Plus at times the eldest two are at their dad's, in which case then I only have one which I must say can be a loveky break for a day or two!! So three is full on but great fun...now what I'm interested in is the step from 3 to 4...!

I had my second when my first was 2 and a half, third just over a year later. I of course found it tiring, but the small gap ensured they could entertain each other more. The first year I was tired, breast feeding two, and then going back to work with no family around and h away a lot. But the jump from 2 to 3 wasn't much of a shock tbh.

I have 3 and also found 0-1 by far the worse. 1-2, bit of adjustment, hard to get an evening routine going that worked for both etc. 2-3 was definitely the easiest for me, he just slotted right into existing family life.

It is about 40% noisier and more chaotic having 3 than 4 though :)

Going from 2-3 was a walk in the park compared with going from 1-2 for us. I had 3 under 4 and they all can't remember when at least one wasn't there.

The routines were the same ie sleep at same sort of time, change nappies at the same sort of time, etc. The third one is so laid back and also very mature at the same time as they have just had to fit in from day one.

I had my kids quite old too so it perhaps was a necessity that I got them in in a short space of time. I would have had another but it wasn't to be.

kelly1814 :-(
that was me exactly with my first. Don't know why I feel so differently this time. Hang in there.

I was blissed out and hormonal when DD was 4mo. Luckily I was too sensible to TTC at that point. It's quite a big strain on the body to get pregnant again so soon, and your DP really needs to be on board. Also you are more likely to conceive quickly this time. I would wait 6 months and discuss the situation then.

3 under 5 hahahahahahah it's hard

CurlyKiwiControl hats off to you - 12 weeks! My youngest was 7mths when her dad left and that was hard enough

Mine are now 11,9 and 5 and it gets easier x

OP - I think I said something very similar when DD1 was about three months old. She was such an EASY baby. DH & I kept commenting to each other about how going from 1-2 had been stress-free. We weren't even tired as she slept through so early. I was ready to try again when she was 6 months. DH persuaded me to wait until she was 12 months.

The 'third' baby turned out to be twins. DS was 6 & DD was 21 months when they arrived. To say that it's been hard is a real understatement

This thread has actually really cheered me up! I often think that life is so exhausting because we have twins - reading the replies though, maybe I would feel just as worn out if I only had three.

WaxyDaisy has just accurately described my life recenty. If children just slept all night & never got ill then it would be so much easier!

I still don't regret it but I do think back to the initial conversation about having a third. I clearly remember DH saying: "How much harder can it be? We don't get any time to ourselves anyway". Ha ha ha.

I found having two is far harder than having one. Especially juggling work and childminding and so on. And having three certainly sounds a lot harder than having two. But it depends on what type of person you are and your circumstances and how much help you get.

3 kids is lovely but maybe give it at least another year, I went through that 'I want another' stage when all 3 of mine were little babies. I wouldn't change it but some nights you can be stumbling from room to room if they all decide to wake up, sometimes they'll tag team you! Oh and the washing seems to increase 3 fold going from 2-3

My mum had 3 of us close togwther. Im 24. Dsis is almost 23 and dbro is 20. ( coming up 21 soon)

So 3 of us under 4. Shes always said that 3 was no harder than 2. Apparantlry the transition from 1-2 was harder to adjust to. I can see how that would be true actually.

Growing up we all fought like cat and dog inbetween playing nicely. Now its evwn better. V close with my sister amd brother is just becoming matire enough to hold a conversation with bless him. Haha

I would definatley wait a littlw longer. Give your body time to rest. A friend has two under the age of one she says its lovely but dear of her she looks bloody knackerd.

oh it's so hard!

I have ds 3.4 and dd 10 months. I crave another baby. I feel almost desperate as each day passes, because both my children are getting older and I just love this time so much.

I came from 3 and I love it. Feels like a little gang. So want that for my children.

But, and it's a big but, I read threads like this and I wonder. It really isn't sensible, is it?!

I have 3 dc's. dd1 is 3.10, dd2 is 20 months and ds1 is nearly 5 months.

It had been an adventure.

When dd2 was born I couldn't quite come to terms with her being my last. dh and I discussed it and agreed that 2 was a sensible number and we shouldn't have any more. dh dutifully signed up for the snip (6 month compulsary waiting list) and I resigned myself to being a family of 4 (5 counting dsd who is with us 2 weekends a month).

10 days before the operation we discovered I was pregnant. I never fall pregnant easily. dd1 took 5 years and 4 miscarriages to conceive. dd2 is only here by the grace of fertility drugs. It truly was inconceivable that I was actually pregnant.

Anyway ds arrived in September. Healthy, happy and huge. dd2 was 16 months old. dd1 was 3.5y. The first three months was really really hard. I think it was the sleep deprivation that got me. Being so knackered and then chasing around after an active toddler and preschooler and trying to meet everyone's needs and failing for the most part. The guilt was enormous.

Now ds is a bit older things are shaping up nicely. It is still exhausting and there is no down time but ds adores his sisters and they adore him. They dote on him terribly. I feel like I have finally started to get the knack of balancing everyone's needs without driving myself crazy. The key I think is organization, military style and a good solid routine that works for everyone.

It is expensive. We had to upgrade the car to a 7 seater. We are going to need to move to a bigger house though we can probably manage for another couple of years.

Childcare however is crippling. it will cost us £3500 per month If I want to put the kids into nursery and go back to work. A nanny is going to cost us around £2k per month. It is eye watering.

Still from the moment I saw the second line on the test strip I have loved my little man and none of us would trade him for the world.

Word for word what Queenofkelsingra said.

The gaps REALLY matter. I had 3 under 2 and although it's "just" twins and a singleton, logistically it's similar to triplets. You can't nip anywhere. Even with another pair of hands to help, you're still outnumbered.

And what if you go for #3 and it's twins?

I have the same situation as Slatecross - DC2 turned out to be twins, so I have a 17 month age gap. To be honest "hard" doesn't capture it for me. When I have 2 of them, it's busy but manageable. I very often have all 3 with me and it's bedlam. I think it probably does depend on the age gaps as well as your own tolerance for noise, mess etc. I absolutely adore my DCs, but I'm also honest about how tough it can be.

I have little tolerance for noise and even less for mess

Ds1 was/is a very placid child, dd is a hellion and ds3 was/is very placid. That might explain why having three has been quite an easy ride for me, they are generally well behaved and usually play very well together

But as others have said if your DH isn't up for it then it's probably best if you don't, if you are having a poo day it would be awful to get no support or even be told that you should have thought of that before having the 3rd.

I have three. I found the jump from 1-2 incredibly difficult but three was a breeze after that. I was already used to juggling and dividing my attention - but what I will say is that I got used to having no time off whatsoever, and found a different way of being with the kids, relaxing alongside each other rather than trying to have "me time". I am never, ever without one of them, day or night. It wouldn't suit everyone. Also, if you want to go back to work, your childcare costs will outweigh what you can earn, so you'll be working at a loss, unless you're a very high earner.

I had 3 under 5. It was easier than 2 under 2!!

I had DS2 when DD was 1 and 9 months and DS1 was 4 and 3 weeks. DS2 made very little difference initially. I carried him in a sling and BF him in that, while doing everything from shopping to soft play, though I drew the line at frying things and driving. But I had six straight years of sleep deprivation and then I went back to work. Looking back, perhaps not the easiest plan.

I think three makes more difference later on. You need a bigger house, a bigger car, holidays cost more, and you have young kids that much longer, including childcare. I didn't mind that, but you might.

Yu may also get what I got- many years when each child was in a different school and their carer worked in a fourth school during the day, so i had four sets of term dates aNd OFSYED days to accommodate with work, three school plays, assemblies, parents evenings.....

Of course having 3 is harder than having two. I well remember the days is getting one to high school, one to primary and one to nursery all before I got to work. However your ages pan out, it is difficult. Child care costs are hideous, holidays expensive, transport re buggies and car seats are a nightmare. They all have different needs at different times and you find yourself dealing with university choices, puberty and exams and a costume for the school nativity all at the same time. Dc3 was unplanned and arrived 11 years after dd2. I now have two in their twenties, and an 11 year old!
3 is hard going.

I have two.
I frequently have my sisters' child over.
Having three as opposed to two is a massive jump.

I noticed how hard it was to keep an eye on 3 rather than 2 children. The extra cost when everything is geared for the 2 parent/2 child family (hotels, room in a car, daytrip family tickets,...)

Two children can play well together or alone, throw another in the mix and it's a catalyst not necessarily for good!

I'd love another, but I'm pushing 46 and with a man who doesn't want children, so I don't have a choice. If Ihad that choice, I'd think to myself, I've just done 6 years of motherhood, finally I have some free time to myself, I have been to debt hell and back financially and do I really want to go there again, because Id have to move house for a start somewhere bigger, and those are enough reasons to begin with.

I wish I'd stopped at one ideally.
But then I come from a big family and am used to having no time to myself and I enjoy the riot and drama of family life all wrapped up inside a house, makes sense of my being here.

Good luck with your decision :)