to think that having 3 kids would not be much harder than having 2.

[deliverdaniel]

I have 2 DC's- age 3 and 4 months. With my first I had PND and found the transition to motherhood really really hard. I then hit my stride as he grew up a bit, and started to love the whole thing and we recently had DS2. I think I"m probably in the crazy hormonal blissed out stage and not thinking rationally but I am desperate for a third child. I feel as though the transition from 0-1 child was so hard for me that nothing could ever feel that hard again, and once we are on the bandwagon of having kids- sleep deprivation/ no social life etc we might as well go for broke. My DH thinks that a third would be a nightmare of extra work and we wouldn't be able to cope. Honest opinions please. Thank you.

Mine are 10, 6 and just 1 btw.

Oh and I didn't feel I had 'finished' before my third. Now I know I am finished.

I had 3 ds's in 4 years.

To be honest it was all good when they were little as they were all placid and mild mannered, I don't recall any meltdowns from them or me.

It's now as teens where the expense of 3 boys has really hit home.

Food bill!!. < that's all I need to say >

A third child for us meant having to buy a bigger car, a bigger tent, one extra seat/ticket/pair of shoes every time. ..you get the picture! Not even thinking about university fees..... It is a lot more of an upheaval than we expected. I wouldn't be without my gorgeous little dc3, but I wouldn't recommend it!

Ha ha ha!

That's all I'm saying.

I will put forward the point of view as one of 3 siblings.... whilst I know my DP loved us all deeply, it was difficult for them to spread themselves to ensure all 3 were having the same amount of attention. My eldest sister gained a lot as she was the first to do the school that my, college thing etc, I was the youngest so they were experienced enough to know the ropes so to speak...my other sister (the middle one) was the one who got the rough end of the stick.

I decided early on that I knew I could not face 3 childrenand 2 was my limit due mainly to my observations of how thin my parents had to spread themselves and how hard work we were we weren't the easiest of sisters!

I would advise rather than thinking about yourselves, what do you think it would mean to you DC s?

Meant to add, if your dh isn't keen on a third then it's a non starter isn't it?

I had three under 5 (four and a half year gap between 1st and 3rd)

I found the jump from 1 to 2 much more difficult than 2 to 3

That obviously differs from person to person, we sometimes think we should have gone to 4 but at the time we felt the age gap was too big

I don't think it's that difficult but number three can (not in my experience) put additional pressure on. For example, you may feel you need a bigger car, going back to work/childcare may be difficult, people aren't so keen to mind three for you, you won't all fit in a standard hotel room, all sorts of things

I love it though, I miscarried between 1 and 2 so once dd was born I did feel that someone was missing, then we had that someone!

I have 8 year gap between nos 2 and 3.
Definitely found 2 to 3 harder but that may be that the other 2 were quite independent when no3 popped along! I always feel that I do not have enough time for their varying needs and interests due to the age gaps, but wouldn't have it any other way.

I have 3, DS1 is 4yo and DTs are 21m. Obviously I never had 2 but I tend to compare with a friend who's DS is the same age as mine and her DD is the same as my twins.
She didn't need to get a bigger car.
she didn't need a double buggy
she didn't need a bigger house.
she doesn't need to get the buggy out just to pop the eldest into school and back as she can just hold her dd. (all these likely to affect you if you have another while your DC2 is still a baby)

from my side - if all 3 are together one is always left out playing.
taking all 3 out is logistically challenging as I have more kids than hands.
cost of holidays/days out is higher

I think a bigger consideration is financial to be honest. its the extra clothes, shoes, car seats, food. and then as they get older, uniforms, school trips, clubs/hobbies etc.

the 'will I cope' thing is pointless to be honest. I have 3 children so I cope with 3 children. that's how life is for us. more of a consideration is will your marriage cope? children cause stress and of course they prevent quality couple time. my DH was fully on board with us having a larger family (even before we got our 2 for 1 deal!) but without that support we would have been in trouble.

you need to give yourself time, enjoy the baby days with this baby, don't waste them wishing for another. I am very envious of friends with bigger age gaps so they can have quality time with the baby while the older is at pre-school etc. the similarity of twins to having 2 in quick succession is the lack of quality time with the baby as the other is still so reliant on you and so demanding.

this all sounds a bit down I know, I love my 3 and wouldn't be without them but I wont deny it is hard work. I have to work hard to be a good mother to them all and even harder to be a good wife to DH.

I have 3 Dcs, ages 7, 6 and 3. I love it and also love the small age gaps as it means they are still interested in similar activities and play with (and occupy!) each other really nicely.

I am also one of 3, as is my Dh, we both love having 2 siblings which I guess probably influenced our decision to have 3 ourselves.

Depends on the child(ren). I found my first easy and the transition to parenthood very easy. Ds1 was a very easy going baby, Ds2 is yet to sleep through at 22 months old and screamed unless he was attached to me for the first year or so. He's still very energetic and demanding now. I expect a third child like my ds1 would be fairly easy but not if they were "high needs". Age gap also makes a difference.

thanks so much everyone for your replies. I did phrase the question in such a way as to attract the most negative responses i guess!

We are lucky enough that the financical aspect isn't too much of a consideration (money will obviously be tighter, but we can afford it I think.) More the hard work/ relationship strain etc etc aspects of it.

yy it does depend on the children...first was high needs, second was very compliant, third is again super high needs.

I do not honestly know how I am going to cope.

I love having three and feel this is the right number for us. But you need to be ready to be firm, methodical, a bit military, and organised at all times in order to keep things moving smoothly (ish). My age gaps are much bigger (10, 4, 1) and tbh smaller gaps (i.e. too many similar demands) wouldn't work for me my stability personally!

If you have a nice calm baby it'd be a doddle or you could have a 3rd that turns out like my 3rd daughter and screamed 24/7 for 6 months, never slept, infact didn't do much of anything apart from scream!! That was hard, very hard and then i went on to have many more kids so clearly didn't put me off. Lol

Op, I did indeed lol at the title of this thread, that might answer your question.

I found going from 2-3 the hardest for sure.

Going from 3-4 and 4-5 was easy in comparison.

"Firm, methodical and military"

So that's where I've cocked it!

I had 3 under 3 (DD then twins so not through choice. It was hell and hard work. I cried every day for a year and didn't have PND.

Your baby is only 4 months wait and see how you feel.

It depends on you and your children. And if you work or not, how much free time you have, how much money you have. If you have a lot of time and money then surely having 20 kids would be a doddle. If you are skint and work 12 hour days then having one would be hard!!!

I found 1 to 2 a complete doddle. Really lovely and easy. 2 to 3 hard.

Its the practicalities. Getting 3 in a pushchair for a decent fast walk. Getting three car seats across the back of the car (had to change car as our very large estate couldn't take a booster and two seats!!!). One child is always saying they are left out if we are messing around or playing. Holidays cater for two children, two adults often and it is expensive to allow for another. Staying in a huge number of hotels, B&Bs is a nightmare as you are only allowed 4 to a room so have to book 2 rooms if going to a wedding etc - travel-lodge and premier inn don't allow three children to a room and so if you travel up and down the country visiting relatives it becomes more difficult.

Now they are older getting reading done with them is a battle time wise after work, along with homework, etc. I spend my life on the road picking up from play-dates and clubs and this increases with the more children you have. They are squashed in the back of the car and moan and elbow each other!!!! And, importantly, in the case of childcare - I have found people reluctant to take three (it just seems it is one too many for most people to cope including grandparents).

I do envy other people with two children if I am perfectly honest, although I love mine dearly and certainly wouldn't change it now. I also worry about how to help them out financially (three harder than two) and that (if) they inherit less each when we die (if it hasn't all gone on care home fees).

It has been a massive strain on my dh who finds it very very hard. I do feel that we are giving the children a worse childhood than they would have had if they were either a single child or part of a two.

Obviously all the above is just a personal experience.

We have 3 dcs, - 7, 6 and 3.6, I was 41 when I had ds.

We love having 3 but it is hard work. I found the pregnancy and birth much harder with ds and he is disabled, which has obviously made a huge difference to all our lives.

The best bits - having a 'gang', the messy chaos of all 3 of them laughing and squabbling and generally having a ball with each other. Watching the relationships form between them.

The hardest bits - dh and I having to split off to keep ds happy whilst I do something with girls and vice versa, having to go to 2 different schools, juggling 3 lots of personalities/appointments/therapy/homework/friends etc etc, sheer bone aching tiredness (mainly because of ds and sleep problems).

Everyone is different. Our 3rd threw an incendiary bomb into our lives. We adore him, but he has destroyed sleep, order, peace and changed the easy dynamic between his two brothers completely.

He is also incredibly spoilt .

Oh and leaving the house in the early days was like shifting a small army, I was exhausted by the time I got out the front door!