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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that my sis booking wedding two months before my own is wrong?

186 replies

immortalwife · 14/01/2014 17:54

I have been engaged since Feb 27 2013. I have already booked my wedding and venue. My Sis got engaged on Xmas Eve and has just informed me that she has booked (and presumably put a deposit down) her wedding for June. Two months before mine, and I booked mine first. I just think its massively inappropriate, as it kind of has already overshadowed my own excitement and big event. She has also started saying things about me making sure my hen do doesn't clash with her honeymoon, and that because she will be married by then, that she doesn't feel its appropriate for her to link arms with a groomsman to walk down the aisle at my wedding, as she only wants to walk down the aisle by herself, with my dad, or with her future husband.

Aibu to expect her to fulfil her obligation as a bridesmaid and spend 30 second max walking down an aisle with someone else? And to be frustrated and upset that she's swooped in and sort of stolen my thunder?

I just feel like my mum isn't going to have time for me to do the special mum daughter wedding things with me if she has to now concentrate on 'rushing' my sisters plans so she's sorted for hers. And that upsets me. Is that stupid and unfounded?

OP posts:
Groovee · 14/01/2014 17:57

My stepbrother decided to get married 5 weeks before mine and he made me out to be bridezilla because I'd planned a completely different wedding. It really riled me but I kept my mouth shut!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 14/01/2014 17:58

A wedding isn't a competition.

You have the wedding you want and she has the wedding she wants.

MellowAutumn · 14/01/2014 17:58

I normally would say no ones weeding trumps another but yes in your circumstances i think she is very unreasonable and rude and entitled !

WaffilyVersatile · 14/01/2014 17:59

haha my cousin decided 2 months before my wedding she was getting married... the day before.
I didn't care. I don't own any dates - I would sack your sister as bridesmaid though to save her any stress Wink

ShatnersBassoon · 14/01/2014 17:59

I think you're being a bit daft.

Just how much will your mum be doing for these weddings? I've only got married once so not vast experience, but I managed to do it without much help.

So what if she isn't linking arms with someone going down the aisle?

Be happy for her. She's doing this because it's what will make her happy, not because she thinks it will overshadow you.

PedlarsSpanner · 14/01/2014 18:00

That would upset me too

Dunno what the answer is though

Deffo unbridesmaid her, give her the Matron job and a Hattie Jacques frock. Moo ha ha.

Original poster
immortalwife · 14/01/2014 18:00

That's not the point, I'm not trying to compete, I just wanted my own special moment to not be overshadowed. We are having completely different weddings, I just felt that she could have waited until my wedding was out of the way first I guess.

OP posts:
nennypops · 14/01/2014 18:01

I don't think she's necessarily wrong to book her wedding for when she wants it. The fact that you needed over 18 months' preparation doesn't mean that she does. But no, she shouldn't expect that plans for yours should in any way be changed because that is what she has decided to do.

chrome100 · 14/01/2014 18:02

YABVU! They are two separate events; neither is more important than the other. Although your sister saying it will be "inappropriate" to link arms with groomsmen is slightly batty too....

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/01/2014 18:02

Yanbu.

That is dickish behaviour. I would be fucking livid very upset if that happened to me.

You'll still have a lovely day that's just for you and your dp though. Try to keep focusing on that. Easier said than done, I know.

lymiemum · 14/01/2014 18:03

That sounds annoying. What's gonna happen with people traveling for the wedding? Will they be able to afford to go to both?

Original poster
immortalwife · 14/01/2014 18:04

Also I didn't get married last year as I was having a baby, so it's not that I had to plan for a year and a half, more that I didn't want to get married pregnant.

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 14/01/2014 18:06

I think it's sad that she's done this, and I'd be pretty hacked off too immortalwife.

YANBU

Boreoff456 · 14/01/2014 18:07

I don't think yabu. Bit only because she is now trying to influence your plans.

Carry on your plans as you were. And if she doesn't like it. Its tough.

As for walking down the aisle. I have been married 10 years and at my brothers wedding I walked down the aisle with dbros best friend who has been married to his husband for 2 years. Tell her to get over herself or tell her you understand and that its a shame she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid. With a big friendly smile.

JedwardScissorhands · 14/01/2014 18:07

Oh so it was because of the baby? Drip drip...

DontmindifIdo · 14/01/2014 18:09

Actually, I'd tell her she can be a bridesmaid as you ask her, or not at all, she can't decide that as she's married she's more special!

Agree, if there's people who aren't going to be able to afford to travel for both in such a tight timeframe, it's a bit shit. I'd get your invites out first to those people.

I think there's nothing wrong with having a wedding so close, but not if it's going to negatively impact on the other wedding already planned.

and I'd deliberately do the hen do when she's away, but then I'm petty and I would have hated being told when i was allowed to have my hen do

gobbynorthernbird · 14/01/2014 18:09

2 months? I'd understand if it were 2 weeks.

swlondonnanny · 14/01/2014 18:09

Hmmm...
It is not like she booked it for the same day, is it?
If you booked your hen do for the time she happens to be on her honeymoon , well, she'll have to miss your hen do, no?
I am getting married in 4 weeks time. If my sister got married 4 weeks ago it wouldn't have bothered me at all.
Also my mum is not doing much planning and helping with my wedding.
We only have flower girls so don't know if my sister's not wanting to link her arms with someone would bother me. I wouldn't want anyone at my wedding doing anything they are not comfortable doing though.

WooWooOwl · 14/01/2014 18:10

Your mum shouldn't need to be rushing round doing anything for either of you, so YABU on that point.

If you have a nice enough relationship with your sister that you chose her for bridesmaid, then just be happy for her. Your wedding is about you and your future husband, not your sister.

You could allow your sisters wedding to overshadow yours, but you and your DP are the only ones that care about your wedding enough for it to make any difference. It won't be overshadowed in the eyes of anyone else because as lovely as I'm sure your wedding will be, it's just not that big a deal to anyone else. Everyone else will just enjoy each event in its own right.

Neeko · 14/01/2014 18:10

I did this to my brother BUT in my defence I had to get married during school holidays, they postponed their wedding 3 months from the original date due to finances (so they should have been married first) and DH and I didn't want to live together before we married and couldn't wait another year.
We did talk to them about it first and they were fine about it. After reading this thread I hope they genuinely were fine because I would have hated for them to have felt like you do op. It was years and years ago now.

Boreoff456 · 14/01/2014 18:12

jedward why does it matter why she took 18 months to plan it. Not really a drip feed. She was answering someones point. It doesn't change the issue at hand.

RedJeans · 14/01/2014 18:12

I'd be really upset tbh! Although don't know what you can do about it, try and take the moral high ground and be happy for her.

Just wondering, which of you is older?? I've always had it drummed into me by my mother that I should try and let my older sister get married first, bit old-fashioned but if she is older maybe she felt as though you shouldn't beat her to it! Especially if you already have a baby

RaspberryRuffle · 14/01/2014 18:13

YABU about the booking 2 months before, she can get married when she wants, at least it is not just a week or two apart. She and her fiancé may want a summer wedding so don't want to wait until 2015, so they've booked now. Maybe they got a deal or cancellation. Maybe they are just excited and want to get married ASAP. Maybe (not that it's anyone's business) they want to start TTC and would rather be married.

YourSisIsBU about it being inappropriate for her to walk down the aisle with a groomsman. She needs to get over herself on that.

Could you have a joint hen? Or a joint 'family' hen night and then do your own thing with your respective friends.
The comment about your hen not clashing with her honeymoon could be seen as 'dictating' when in fact she just really doesn't want to miss your hen.

CoffeeTea103 · 14/01/2014 18:14

Yanbu, I would be upset. I couldn't imagine my sisters doing this to me. We would at least check with each other first.

AfricanExport · 14/01/2014 18:14

YANBU

I would not be happy either and I would tell her that.

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