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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that my sis booking wedding two months before my own is wrong?

186 replies

immortalwife · 14/01/2014 17:54

I have been engaged since Feb 27 2013. I have already booked my wedding and venue. My Sis got engaged on Xmas Eve and has just informed me that she has booked (and presumably put a deposit down) her wedding for June. Two months before mine, and I booked mine first. I just think its massively inappropriate, as it kind of has already overshadowed my own excitement and big event. She has also started saying things about me making sure my hen do doesn't clash with her honeymoon, and that because she will be married by then, that she doesn't feel its appropriate for her to link arms with a groomsman to walk down the aisle at my wedding, as she only wants to walk down the aisle by herself, with my dad, or with her future husband.

Aibu to expect her to fulfil her obligation as a bridesmaid and spend 30 second max walking down an aisle with someone else? And to be frustrated and upset that she's swooped in and sort of stolen my thunder?

I just feel like my mum isn't going to have time for me to do the special mum daughter wedding things with me if she has to now concentrate on 'rushing' my sisters plans so she's sorted for hers. And that upsets me. Is that stupid and unfounded?

OP posts:
ikeaismylocal · 14/01/2014 18:40

YAB-hugely-u!

A wedding is supposed to be a celebration of love between 2 people. Your sister getting married before you doesn't change anything with regards to your wedding.

You sound jelous and petty.

breatheslowly · 14/01/2014 18:41

Does she want to get on with getting married to then start a family?

holidaysarenice · 14/01/2014 18:42

Tell her to grow up. Sack her as a bm and don't tell her anything or suddenly all the planning and research you have done will be needed for her day, as its such a rush!

Or keep mentioning the bun in the oven she must have if she's getting married so soon.....

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 14/01/2014 18:45

YABU to be sniffy about her booking her wedding two months before yours.

YANBU to feel that you want special mother-daughter bonding time with your mother, but if neither of you goes all bridezilla on her and starts making excessive demands then she'll have plenty of capacity to do special stuff with both of you, so probably YABU to start stressing about that at this stage. If your sister does go all bridezilla/demanding then start a new thread about it at that point and we'll all be sympathetic.

YANBU to be Hmm at "because she will be married by then, that she doesn't feel its appropriate for her to link arms with a groomsman to walk down the aisle at my wedding" and frankly she can suck it up or you can find someone who is prepared to do the bridesmaid job properly (although are you American? I've not seen "groomsmen" who walk down the aisle with or without bridesmaids (as opposed to ushers who hang around making themselves useful) at UK weddings before).

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 14/01/2014 18:47

Sit back & enjoy watching her rush about trying to get a wedding organised in 5 months! We had 2 years of planning and even then we didn't get our 'first choice' of everything due to things being booked up.

TheDoctrineOf2014 · 14/01/2014 18:52

Six months between engagement and wedding date is not exactly bun in the oven rushing it!!

I've seen bridesmaids walking down the aisle with ushers after the marrying part.

Sianilaa · 14/01/2014 18:55

YABU. There's two whole months between your wedding dates, how does that impact on your wedding in any way?! Plenty of time to do all the nice things with your mum, etc. people don't have to put their life on hold until after your wedding. I don't understand this whole bridezilla "she's stealing my thunder" thing. Keep your plans close to your chest, tell her to get over herself with regards to walking down the aisle as your BM (because she is DBU there). Your wedding will still mean you're the centre of attention and you'll get your day, so I don't understand the problem tbh.

And I planned my wedding (and it wasn't that small) in 3 months, wasn't a rush apart from the dress. It can be done without getting stressed so don't know why anyone would need years to plan.

2014newme · 14/01/2014 18:57

I would feel the same, but probably because in our heart of hearts we all want to be the one in the spotlight getting all the attention. Wise words on here about that not mattering in the slightest. Enjoy both weddings and done worry that she has stolen your limelight. Easier said than done!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 14/01/2014 18:57

It took me 2.5 months to planned my wedding, that was everything from the dress to the honeymoon.

I could of had 18 months to plan, but then I would of it it off until the last minutes anyway.

handcream · 14/01/2014 18:58

Count yourself lucky. My SIL wanted to get married two months before me at the SAME venue! Luckily she broke up with the chap and it never happened. I was fuming

bumblebeebzz · 14/01/2014 19:02

YABU

DHs brother got married 2 months before us.

everyone in the family were equally excited for both, one didn't overshadow the other.

the not linking arms thing is weird though.

DrunkenDaisy · 14/01/2014 19:04

I am absolutely baffled by any grown woman caring about this. Please don't worry about it.

bumblebeebzz · 14/01/2014 19:06

unless she often tries to overshadow you?

if not then I don't understand why you can't just be happy for your sister!

HearMyRoar · 14/01/2014 19:07

Seriously! Its 2 months, everyone will have forgotten about hers by the time yours comes along and, guess what, they will have forgotten about yours 2 months later. Two you it might be the epic culmination of 18 months planning but to everyone else its a lovely day celebrating but really not as big a deal as you seem to think.

One year I went to 3 weddings in the space of 2 weeks. They were all great, nobody was over shadowed.

People need to get a grip about their weddings. They seem to send the sanest people quite mad.

ikeaismylocal · 14/01/2014 19:08

Just think, your mum will only have to buy one mother of the bride outfit. Are you the same size? You could ask to borrow her dress (helpful?)

Jinty16 · 14/01/2014 19:11

YANBU I would be really upset. She should have waited until after yours.

woodlandwanderwoman · 14/01/2014 19:17

YADNBU. I think it would only have been reasonable of her to talk to you about it first though. She is clearly in that whirlwind moment of "just got engaged, must do everything now" and not actually thinking about anyone else.

Personally I think best approach is take moral high ground and quietly make sure you get full and beautiful invitations out to everyone ASAP before she does the last thing you want is anyone gossiping about family feuds at the wedding, you know what people are like.

Ask your mum what she would LIKE to do for you, and agree it now. Then if your sister moans that your mum is giving time to your wedding when hers is first at least she will know it was your mums choice.

Then just get on and enjoy your day and be happy for her on yours. As for the ridiculous aisle comment, she's clearly got her head stuck up her arse if she thinks anyone will be looking at her instead of you just leave that and say you can talk about it nearer the time. She will come round.

Sallystyle · 14/01/2014 19:17

I was going to say YABU

Then I remembered how I felt when my brother announced he was having his first baby two weeks after me and I admit that I did feel it made my new less exciting.

Admittedly I was very young but rightly or wrongly those feelings were there.

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 14/01/2014 19:19

I think YABU and your sis is being precious tbh.

You've presumably already had a year of planning with your mum, and there will be 2 months after hers when your mum can be on hand to do the special stuff with you - there really isn't that much until the last few weeks anyway.

You've also said yourself that your weddings are going to be very different in style.

I do think your sister's expectations about you fitting your hen night around her honeymoon and comments re her bridesmaid 'duties' are ridiculous though and she clearly needs a reality check on that front!

ProfessorDoredumble · 14/01/2014 19:24

YABVU.

It's a wedding. You have your day she has hers, be happy for her and stop the entitled behaviour. You sound a bit precious over 1 day.

You could've got married last year, it's 30mins in a registry office. Just because you decided to make a big deal of a long engagement doesn't mean then world should stop.

ProfessorDoredumble · 14/01/2014 19:27

woodland are you joking? Reasonable for her to all to her sister about it first, that's barking in my view. It's get sister, be happy for her. End of.

catkind · 14/01/2014 19:30

What's the problem? My sis and I got married 3 weeks apart. It was so totally a non-issue I can't even remember who booked first. We must have checked with each other at some point to make sure we didn't clash.

IHeartKingThistle · 14/01/2014 19:33

I get it. My sister did similar and I did feel a bit sad. I couldn't really talk weddings with my mum until my sister's was 'out of the way', and then it was a bit too late. I wasn't mad at either of them, but I just secretly felt a bit sad.

IHeartKingThistle · 14/01/2014 19:33

'Out of the way' was my mum's words, not mine btw!

Thatisall · 14/01/2014 19:44

My mother booked her wedding just six weeks after mine to a man she barely knew. It caused such a row that we hVent really spoken since.

People are weird. I wouldn't dream of doing that to someone.

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