Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that my sis booking wedding two months before my own is wrong?

186 replies

immortalwife · 14/01/2014 17:54

I have been engaged since Feb 27 2013. I have already booked my wedding and venue. My Sis got engaged on Xmas Eve and has just informed me that she has booked (and presumably put a deposit down) her wedding for June. Two months before mine, and I booked mine first. I just think its massively inappropriate, as it kind of has already overshadowed my own excitement and big event. She has also started saying things about me making sure my hen do doesn't clash with her honeymoon, and that because she will be married by then, that she doesn't feel its appropriate for her to link arms with a groomsman to walk down the aisle at my wedding, as she only wants to walk down the aisle by herself, with my dad, or with her future husband.

Aibu to expect her to fulfil her obligation as a bridesmaid and spend 30 second max walking down an aisle with someone else? And to be frustrated and upset that she's swooped in and sort of stolen my thunder?

I just feel like my mum isn't going to have time for me to do the special mum daughter wedding things with me if she has to now concentrate on 'rushing' my sisters plans so she's sorted for hers. And that upsets me. Is that stupid and unfounded?

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 21:54

They had a baby! It wasnt a long engagement to talk about dresses and napkins, it was so the DF could spend some time with his DD!

Are you the sister?!

SinisterSal · 14/01/2014 21:58

That's just strange. Sorry but it is. She's her sister, it's normal to expect more care from a sister than a cold suck it up, life is a risk. At any time but especially under the circumstances.

TeeManyMartoonis · 14/01/2014 22:01

I don't really understand the irritation at this kind of thing. How much 'protected time' did you want?

HOWEVER - if she is not prepared to do things that you would like her to do as a bridesmaid, then ask her not to be one. I think the linking arms with groomsmen is vvvv American though.

Sorry. YABU in my opinion.

MrsGrasshead · 14/01/2014 22:01

I think it's a bit off myself.

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 22:01

I agree Sal

If it was a friend who didnt quite understand the circumstances then ok, annoying but ok. But this is her sister. I would move heaven and earth if this was my sister and her DH, and I shocked that anyone would even consider doing anything else.

TeeManyMartoonis · 14/01/2014 22:03

OP I am sorry, I didn't see your update. I am so sorry to hear about your fiance.

Sharaluck · 14/01/2014 22:09

How much of a gap is acceptable then? I am assuming she wants a summer wedding (late spring to autumn included).

Would she even be able to move it forward earlier than June? What with dress arrangements, booking availability etc

So if she can't move it earlier then she gets maybe a month after the op for an early autumn wedding? I think that would be inconsiderate if guests to expect them to attend 2 weddings of the same family a month apart.

So I think what she has chosen is reasonable. 2 months is plenty of time for a gap.

Op can't seriously be expecting Dsis to delay her wedding a year.

Sparkles86 · 14/01/2014 22:22

I can understand where you are coming from to a degree. If the weddings were at the same venue and 48 hours apart I would say you are not being unreasonable.

However the weddings are two months apart. Perhaps your sister doesn't want a winter wedding? Perhaps she doesn't want to wait a year to get married? She has booked her wedding two months before yours. Your wedding day will still be the day you want. It doesn't make your day any less special.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/01/2014 22:24

Why not Shara? These are unusual circumstances.

If this is how sisters behave I am glad I don't have one. Imagine being so self absorbed you couldn't make a small sacrifice for your younger sister whose financé has a terminal illness. And for ops sister, it is a small sacrifice.

SinisterSal · 14/01/2014 22:28

Exactly Bogey

Also, if I were a guest invited to both, I would prioritise the one where the couple need more support. Which wouldn't be an unusual reaction. So the sister is shooting herself in the foot here as many of the guests will give her one a miss in favour of the wedding 8 weeks later. The gusest would appreciate having 6 months/ a year to arrange hols, travel etc.

maybe try that argument with her OP? though tbh it's not the wedding is it, really. It's the attitude.

WooWooOwl · 14/01/2014 22:52

The fiancé doesn't have to go to the sisters wedding, and if it's going to be an issue for him then he probably shouldn't. I don't think the sister should have to wait a whole year for the summer wedding she wants, especially if they want to TTC.

The sister may have been waiting months for her DP to propose, and I know I'd choose a six month engagement over an eighteen month one.

There is a whole two months between the two weddings, and a wedding is supposed to be about the couple getting married with general consideration shown for the guests. It is not about the in laws you get when your sister gets married.

One of my good friends got married the week before me, my engagement was a year long and hers was two months, but it was a lovely time in our lives and having a girlfriend getting married at the same time added to how special it all felt. Looking back now, I think of my wedding and her wedding as the completely separate events that they were, when it's all over this will seem completely insignificant.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/01/2014 22:55

It's very sad that OP's fiancé is terminally ill. OP says herself that she didn't want to be married whilst pregnant. That's fair enough, her decision but surely, if marrying was that important due to illness you'd marry sooner rather than later. I'm not saying that OP shouldn't have the day of her dreams - I hope she does - but her sister isn't doing anything wrong and I think some posters are running away with the illness aspect. It wasn't an issue to marry sooner, that is a fact.

AIBU is not a bunfight club admittedly but nobody here is chucking buns. People are allowed to have different opinions without being heckled for them. Disagree with a posters opinion all you want but to label the poster as 'weird', 'belonging to the 50s', 'odd' or imply that they have no grace or feelings of decency because they have a different opinion, is really not ok.

OP could have mentioned the illness at the outset also; it was a pretty important piece of information and it changed everything as acknowledged upthread. The OP was fairly lengthy and included a lot of detail and this should have been included.

SinisterSal · 14/01/2014 23:00

It's totally fine to say you think people are lacking in grace, etc when you are dealing with pretty much a life and death situation LyingWitch. Some opinions are odd, strange or outdated. It's totally ok to say so.

Admittedly I don't come on AIBU much but I've seen much worse thrown about for really very minor things compared to this.

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 23:00

Lying I only mentioned the 50's because someone said that the OP was wrong to have a big wedding after she had had a baby with her fiance. If that was considered normal then there would be a hell of a lot less big weddings!

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/01/2014 23:02

Lying

Nobody was labelled "weird". I considered some posters attitudes to be weird. That's my opinion not a grave personal insult.

MidniteScribbler · 14/01/2014 23:02

You have a wedding day, not a wedding year. You can't control what anyone else does on any other day.

HaroldLloyd · 14/01/2014 23:03

I think your being unreasonable about the date, I'm sure your mum can do both with 2 months apart.

However the linking arms thing is ridiculous and I can see why this has got your back up.

Tell her not to be a tit.

Onesleeptillwembley · 14/01/2014 23:03

Walking with a groomsman. What does that actually mean?

HaroldLloyd · 14/01/2014 23:04

Oh I didn't see your update im so sorry Thanks

SinisterSal · 14/01/2014 23:05

I can't and don't want to control my sister but I would expect more care and concern from her if my fiance's time was limited. And I'd get it too, she wouldn't even blink if we were in this situation and neither would I.

WooWooOwl · 14/01/2014 23:07

The linking arms thing is ridiculous, but it's a completely trivial and unnecessary thing to force upon your bridesmaids anyway.

Ihatepeas · 14/01/2014 23:08

This would really wind me up! Sorry to read about your df.

Bogeyface · 14/01/2014 23:09

One it usually means that the BM's and groomsmen (like male bridesmaids for the groom!) enter the venue together. It is common in American weddings. It usually goes.

BM + GM
BM+ GM
BM + GM
(they stand on either side of the altar)
Page boys/ring bearers and flower girls
Bride and Father

whois · 14/01/2014 23:12

I can see why you are annoyed OP, however from your sisters point of view it is a whole 2 months before your wedding so not actually very close. Plus she probably wanted a summer wedding and didn't want to wait another whole year.

HaroldLloyd · 14/01/2014 23:36

Missed the comment about the baby.

Hilarious, I didn't think anyone thought crap like that these days.

The last person who said something about I should have got married first was my step FIL who ran off with his neighbour.

So obviously I told him to shut up.

Try not to stress too much OP 2 months is really enough time and you will have a lovely day, make sure your DF dosent do too much. Thanks