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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think that my sis booking wedding two months before my own is wrong?

186 replies

immortalwife · 14/01/2014 17:54

I have been engaged since Feb 27 2013. I have already booked my wedding and venue. My Sis got engaged on Xmas Eve and has just informed me that she has booked (and presumably put a deposit down) her wedding for June. Two months before mine, and I booked mine first. I just think its massively inappropriate, as it kind of has already overshadowed my own excitement and big event. She has also started saying things about me making sure my hen do doesn't clash with her honeymoon, and that because she will be married by then, that she doesn't feel its appropriate for her to link arms with a groomsman to walk down the aisle at my wedding, as she only wants to walk down the aisle by herself, with my dad, or with her future husband.

Aibu to expect her to fulfil her obligation as a bridesmaid and spend 30 second max walking down an aisle with someone else? And to be frustrated and upset that she's swooped in and sort of stolen my thunder?

I just feel like my mum isn't going to have time for me to do the special mum daughter wedding things with me if she has to now concentrate on 'rushing' my sisters plans so she's sorted for hers. And that upsets me. Is that stupid and unfounded?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 14/01/2014 18:14

YABU to feel overshadowed.

SIBU to moan about linking arms with one of your wedding party.

Original poster
immortalwife · 14/01/2014 18:16

Redjeans, she is the older sister, but from what she's said I don't think she's really thought about that. She just didn't even consider that I might be upset, so I wasn't sure if I should say anything.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 14/01/2014 18:16

I got engaged in October, I would have liked to have got married the following summer but my older DSis was getting married in July so I waited until after hers and wanted to give my parents chance to recover so booked mine for the following spring.

It was a longer engagement than I wanted but I'd never have stolen my sister's thunder.

DontCallMeDaughter · 14/01/2014 18:17

Your special moment will be on the day of your wedding, and hers will be two months beforehand. There are plenty of days in between for your mum to do special things with both of you.

I know how completely consuming a wedding can be in the run up, but honestly, you will look back at this and wonder why it felt like such a big deal. It really doesn't matter at all. Seriously, no one will notice (or care) if she's linking arms with someone else.

Famzilla · 14/01/2014 18:19

Wouldn't be an issue to me.

Then again, DH and I got married, we didn't have a "wedding". Bunch of weird commercialized 'traditions' that turn even the nicest of women into fire-breathing dragons, drowning in a sea of overpriced satin and debt.

Disclaimer; that was slightly tongue in cheek.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 14/01/2014 18:19

YANBU

Presumably some of the guests will be the same, and you may find that people aren't able to afford to come to both if they are travelling a long way.

SIBTotallyU about the walking down the aisle thing. What a silly mare.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 14/01/2014 18:21

She sounds rather horrid. How sharper than a serpent's tooth to have a thankless sister Sad

Kundry · 14/01/2014 18:25

I was all ready to say YABU (what on earth will your mum need to do, mine bought an outfit and turned up) until she came up with that walking down the aisle shit.

YANBU and she is being a twat.

Do you think she just can't wait to get married or has done it on purpose so that she, the oldest, can be the first to get married?

I suggest you tell her she can be a normal bridesmaid and do as she's told or not be a bridesmaid at all. And if she can't make your hen do, you'll have a nice time without her.

hooochycoo · 14/01/2014 18:25

I'd be fed up too. My sister does stuff like this too. When I was pregnant with my first baby she got pregnant as soon as I told her (5 weeks) and our babies were born five weeks apart. And she went on to have a very challenging pregnancy and attention was hers. When I got married she split up with her husband for the summer, got back together the week before my wedding. So all the family wedding chat and attention was about her and her husband. Bizarro

BrandNewIggi · 14/01/2014 18:25

Presumably some of the guests will be the same, and you may find that people aren't able to afford to come to both if they are travelling a long way.
^^
This. Hadn't occurred to me, but a very good point.

Kundry · 14/01/2014 18:26

BTW make sure you get your invites out ASAP just in case people decide they can only afford to go to one.

Thumbcat · 14/01/2014 18:27

YABU. With the benefit of hindsight you'll see that it really doesn't matter. If she was having exactly the same wedding as you two months beforehand I could see why you'd be annoyed, but you say your weddings will be completely different so what's the problem? Your wedding day will still be all about you and your DH.

Original poster
immortalwife · 14/01/2014 18:28

I think they possibly want to TTC and are rushing for that reason but that's just a guess. I haven't been asked, told or spoken to about it at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
immortalwife · 14/01/2014 18:30

I think they possibly want to TTC and are rushing for that reason but that's just a guess. I haven't been asked, told or spoken to about it at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
immortalwife · 14/01/2014 18:30

I think they possibly want to TTC and are rushing for that reason but that's just a guess. I haven't been asked, told or spoken to about it at all.

OP posts:
msmoss · 14/01/2014 18:31

I guess it's the way she's gone about it and the comment about walking down the aisle that is annoying you more than the actual date of her wedding. The thing is the only person's enjoyment you'll be ruining by dwelling on it is your own. Are you the kind of sisters who can have fun planning it together?

EauRouge · 14/01/2014 18:32

I wouldn't be upset about her getting married first- it's not going to stop you having the wedding you want, is it? I know planning a wedding can be stressful but maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself.

The thing about not wanting to link arms because she is married is completely bonkers though.

drbonnieblossman · 14/01/2014 18:34

Give her a pooh brown dress to wear. she's out of order. Poo brown dresses are ideal for such circumstances.

sparkleshine · 14/01/2014 18:34

I can understand where you are coming from. My cousin got engaged last year and set the wedding for this December. His sister got engaged this New Year's Eve and has decided that she is having her wedding this November. Everyone is excited about his wedding then she comes along and pips in before it. My brother is getting married next year and wouldn't dream of getting married before it, kind of ruins their excitement with their planning and I'm enjoying being involved in all that.
But maybe she honestly didn't think it would be an issue, though this thing with walking down the aisle with another man is pathetic. Why would she want to get married so close to when it could interfere with your hen do/ plans anyway? I do think it maybe a case of 'I'm the older sister so should be married first' so let's get it in quickly.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/01/2014 18:35

I suppose I can see why you're upset but OP, really, it's two months before yours. She's not stealing your thunder. I don't know what mum and daughter stuff you wanted to do but I'm sure you still can. Do you have a plan of what you want to do and when, with your mother? I'm sure she wouldn't let you down.

I'll say this next bit gently because I mean it kindly but it's not exactly traditional anyway, is it? You're already living together and have a baby - and you're having the wedding that you wanted, which is entirely different from your sister's.

Convention is out of the window these days so whether your sister marries first or not isn't really an issue. If it were, you wouldn't have booked your own wedding first given that our sister is the elder of you. Ask your sister if she still wants to be bridesmaid; the groomsman thing is weird of her but does it matter really?

I can understand your disappointment but put it into perspective; nothing about your wedding is changing, is it? It's special to you and your fiancé and maybe to your mum and dad but once the day has gone it's only special to you and your husband, nobody else.

Have you shown that you're happy for your sister? I feel sorry for your mum if you two are going to be at each other in the run up, I really do. Try and put your differences aside, be happy for each other and concentrate on your own big days.

fatlazymummy · 14/01/2014 18:35

I don't get the need for her to link arms with the groomsman (whatever that is ) as she walks down the aisle. I thought the bridesmaids walked together behind the bride.
To be honest, I think 2 months is quite a decent interval between the weddings. It's not like it's 2 days. And it doesn't really matter who gets married first, does it?
I agree, just try to focus on your own wedding and not worry about hers.

specialsubject · 14/01/2014 18:38

I can't see why this would be an issue to any mature adult. Many people will get married near your date, some may even marry on the day.

no thunder stolen. No overshadowing. It's just a party FFS. Bit crap if it was the same day so people couldn't go to both but they are months apart.

Reality check: if you are expecting the best day of your life clearly the rest of it will all be downhill. That would be a shame.

It is only a fancy dress party with vows. Marriage is important, weddings are parties.

she's a bit of a silly bimbo to fuss about walking down an aisle though.

Freyalright · 14/01/2014 18:39

You are being unreasonable. Get a grip. It's a day to show your commitment, not to be a star or a diva, or to compete.

eurochick · 14/01/2014 18:40

She's being silly about the linking arms thing. Is she planning on becoming all matronly and prudish as soon as she has a ring on her finger? Although i'm not sure I have ever seen bridesmaids and groomsmen linking arms on the way down the aisle.

You are overreacting by what you say about your mum rushing around. Mine came to one dress shop with me early on and then picked up the cake the day before the wedding and delivered it to the venue on the day of. That was it.

I think it will be a bit of a shame that the dates are so close together if there will be a big overlap of guests.

TheDoctrineOf2014 · 14/01/2014 18:40

Venues get booked up and if she wanted to get married any time this year when the weather was vaguely good she may not have had much choice / if your wedding is august and you are straight off on honeymoon then she's restricted to September really so that would be even close to your day.

The aisle thing is bonkers though.