To be totally hacked off with the bride and groom?

[Sarah2506]

So we are meant to be off to a wedding in Scotland next month. Quite an undertaking as we live in London and have seven month DD, but they are good friends so we booked flights, a non refundable hotel and arranged to drop DD with MIL for the whole weekend as it's a child free wedding. Fine. Actually looking forward to it as first weekend away, yay!

Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'.

Is this reasonable? We've paid out 500 quid in flights and hotel which we won't get back. Travel insurance doesn't cover it as it counts as disinclination to travel. The flights can't be changed- or rather they can but it costs as much as buying new ones! I'm on maternity leave, I'm not being paid, I've no desire to travel to Scotland for the weekend anyway and we won't be able to pay out for the rearranged wedding as well. I feel really sad that we might now not be able to go.

AIBU?

But the wedding is next month....how would you have not organised travel care of dd etc.... Was she apologetic? I bet you cannot wait for hen do....

Is she thick? Expecting you to leave arrangements for trips by plane and hotels to the absolute last minute? Who does that!

oh joy, an awkward hen do in Bromley with an unappreciative bride who doesn't understand why losing hundreds of pounds is a big deal for you...

Ah, Bromley... fun times await you I'm sure. :o

I bet others have lost money, whatever she says -maybe they have not found out/heard from many peoples yet, maybe people are shocked and unsure of how to tell them how they feel.

If people have lost money it will come out at the hen-do. I guarantee it.

Hmmm....I'd be fuming if she pulls a stink about you not being able to make the 'rematch.' I was starting to agree with the posters who thought there must be other issues- I can't believe hen is still on. They're mad, sorry.

Blimey, what a thoughtless brideziller
I would have been really apologetic if I had been her.

I don't know why you were nervous about saying that you may not be able to come to the rescheduled wedding? You have nothing to be embarrassed about

I notice she wasn't heartbroken enough to offer to make up your losses though.

Blimey Bromley! I live there but I don't see it as a prime destination for a hen night. The dubious delights of Biba' s nightclub may await. Brace yourself! (At least you have a weekend away to recover coming up).

She sounds clueless and no, she wasn't really heartbroken I reckon. I would see her in a very different light after this and would probably get very ill the day of the hen party so I had to pull out.

Come see us Glaswegians and remember to look up. People who live in the city don't but know that on the older buildings all the amazing architecture is high up. I'd say a shopping trip round Buchanan street, gallery of modern art in queen street then food at la vita which is Italian- lots of veggie options and is a few metres from the gallery on the corner at George Square (needs a booking fri/sat). I never take time to enjoy the city as I'm working there.

Go and enjoy your weekend away. Sure it's not what you would have done, but make the most of it! G is a cool city for a weekend.

You have to have some vegetarian haggis - it's fab. I absolutely loved it and the thing is, everytime your order it, it comes out different!

Hen night in Bromley sounds a bit grim, but hopefully it'll be fun.

Skip the hen night? Better that than go not in the spirit of things.

I'd be mortified if I were the bride. If all they've lost is £300 I'd be offering to pay for you a second time.

My goodness. And you've a hen do in Bromley to survive?

I'm not convinced there's a secret tragedy here, and I'm amazed that she criticised you for making plans to attend her wedding!

I would go to Glasgow. Shops are good there and it's got to be nice having a weekend away with dh?

Is she keeping the hen night the same because she's made travel plans?

@ Billy

She should be mortified at you being unable to cancel. I frequently book non cancellable hotels for weddings/parties as the dates don't (usually) change. If it was a night out with friends, I might want a bit more flexibility.

Wait and see when the rearranged wedding is, go if it suits you, don't if it doesn't. You could set a price limit in advance as your cut off for flights+hotel. If I were her I'd feel obliged to pay or at least contribute to your wasted costs. Wouldn't hold your breath though.

See, if the bulk of the guests are local, then I can see the bulk won't have had to make travel plans or book hotels in advanced, however it's really odd she hadnt considered the non-local guests would have done, or thought you odd for having done so.

Ime, rude people aren't worth bothering with. A lot of excuses get used round weddings and the phrase "bridezilla" gives the impression it's a temporary thing, but rudeness and lack of thought for others is a problem that's rarely contained just to wedding related issues. Keep her at arms length.

Bit stunned that the hen do is still going ahead, would love to be a fly on the wall.

Well this might well be an awkward weekend. The worst thing is that she is potentially pissed off with you for maybe not being able to make the new date. It may well be that people forward planning had not occurred to her. But now that she knows the situation, I would be expecting her to be very apologetic rather than pissed off with you for being organised.

Hope the hen weekend goes ok and you don't end up resenting spending even more money effectively on the wedding you may not be going to.

Have a fantastic time in Glasgow, I haven't been for a few years but last time I went I was very pleasantly surprised.

TBH, I wouldn't be going to the hen do & I'd be dumping her as a friend.

agree diddl . We were almost in this position when we lived abroad but fortunately rang to confirm details just before booking flights to UK etc. Groom asked us to wait and a few days later we found out it was off. It did go ahead at another venue, in a different area of the country, several months later. The original plan had been a childfree wedding but as the new location meant it infeasible to leave dc with gps as planned we had to insist on bringing them, really awkward as best friends still had to leave theirs behind and make a roundabout detour to drop/pick up.

op, I'd go away for weekend as planned but make sure that everyone knows you cannot do this twice and will unfortunately now have to miss the actual do. I'd have already booked for next month , bride is selfish to assume no one would have and carry on with hen do etc as if nothing has changed.

It is a bit over forward planning isn't it? For October

Oh it's next month. Sorry