To be totally hacked off with the bride and groom?

[Sarah2506]

So we are meant to be off to a wedding in Scotland next month. Quite an undertaking as we live in London and have seven month DD, but they are good friends so we booked flights, a non refundable hotel and arranged to drop DD with MIL for the whole weekend as it's a child free wedding. Fine. Actually looking forward to it as first weekend away, yay!

Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'.

Is this reasonable? We've paid out 500 quid in flights and hotel which we won't get back. Travel insurance doesn't cover it as it counts as disinclination to travel. The flights can't be changed- or rather they can but it costs as much as buying new ones! I'm on maternity leave, I'm not being paid, I've no desire to travel to Scotland for the weekend anyway and we won't be able to pay out for the rearranged wedding as well. I feel really sad that we might now not be able to go.

AIBU?

[mumteedum]

Def go for wknd in Glasgow! Lived there and has big place in my heart. Fab for culture, art, shopping, cinema, fab bars, restaurants... West end was my area. Yy to Ashton lane. Parks beautiful. Botanical gardens lovely. Merchant city v cool if more central but great tube gives access all over.

Sorry about wedding though. Ring yr friend. You sound like a good friend and she might need you if all pear shaped.

[BeautifulBlondePineapple]

I do hope you make the best of the situation and come for a break in Glasgow - it was voted no 10 in the Rough Guide top cities to visit in 2014!

If I were you, I'd visit the Kelvingrove Art Gallery & then spend an evening in Finneston - eat in The 78 (it's casual, vegan & has a real fire for the cold Scottish days) or in Mother India Cafe (tapas style Indian food) and then do a pub crawl down Argyle St. Tis the place to be these days! (Although Ashton Lane is much prettier).

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Can you transfer your tickets to another place if not another date?

I wonder what they will do when they get emails from the guests saying they won't be able to come twice.

[Edendance]

What weekend is it? How much is it costing? I might be interested in buying it off you if you're not wanting to go...

[whois]

Oh just make the most of it and go and have a lovely weekend away just the two of you. Much better than going to a wedding.

Don't go the the rearranged wedding and don't send a gift. Mainly because I don't think they will actually be getting wed. Sounds v much like relationship is in the toilet.

[MissMilbanke]

I would be furious with the two of them.

But in reality, what can you do ? Since its all paid for and arranged I would just go and enjoy the weekend together.

[phantomnamechanger]

Yes, I do think it is selfish of them and I stand by that.

People would have been sad, shocked and inconvenienced/out of pocket if they had just cancelled the whole thing - but they are apparently (and again we probably don't know the whole story) just putting it off till later in the year, meaning their wants/convenience comes before that of their guests, who have already made lots of commitments and financial arrangements.

They MUST have known sooner than this that they were not going to afford it on time and they COULD have toned it down a bit to make it cheaper, even if that meant a different venue but still in the same area at the same weekend that everyone has booked to go there. That they are expecting their guests to suck up any financial loses they incur due to the cancellation and still fork out to come later in the year is very selfish of them. I accept this is only IMHO, but if it were me I would definitely NOT accept the rescheduled date because there's no guarantee they wont do exactly the same thing again. Their wedding is not so important that it is worth upsetting all their friends and family over - I am sure everyone would rather have stumped up £20 towards to reception instead of lose out on non refundable flights/hotels etc.

[Cantabile]

My first thoughts would actually be concern for my friends. I would worry that they must benhaving awful problems to cancel so close to the day. Are they OK? How disappointed they must be. How awful fr them that they have had to do this - it would have to be a real crisis to make anyone cancel a wedding like that.

Then, after I had at least texted to ask if there was anything way I could help, then I would be thinking either, ooh lovely child-free w/e in Glasgow, and get on the net to see what we could do while there; or thinking who could go instead of me.

[mrsjay]

go to your lovely weekend in your nice hotel have some time with your husband
bugger them l for doing that to people I wouldnt go to their autumn wedding

[LittleBearPad]

Cantabile they are saying they are postponing. Whether this is true or not (and actually they are on the verge of splitting up) they have caused hassle for their guests and left many of them out of pocket. The blithe email does not help. Phantom is right and I'd be pissed off too.

[SaucyJack]

The prospective bride might have just had a m/c for all you know phantom.

Or he might've just lost his job and they can't afford to eat- let alone pay for a wedding.

I seriously doubt they cancelled postponed the whole thing in preference to downgrading the wine quality or amount of fresh flowers.

[struggling100]

I second everyone who is saying enjoy the weekend in Scotland!

I think you should write a polite and lovely email to the couple, saying that you're really sorry but due to the fact that you had booked the flights and the hotel on a non-refundable basis, you can't afford to come to the rescheduled wedding. Wish them all the best, and tell them you can't wait to see the photos! :)

[mrsjay]

I think you should write a polite and lovely email to the couple, saying that you're really sorry but due to the fact that you had booked the flights and the hotel on a non-refundable basis, you can't afford to come to the rescheduled wedding. Wish them all the best, and tell them you can't wait to see the photos!

yes do this , it is annoying but what can you do really dont lose any money from your flights etc

[phantomnamechanger]

saucyjack -

Of course those things could have happened, but given what the OP actually says, which is all we have to go on....

Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'

it does sound like they are about wanting it just how they want it and not willing to compromise on what they want (flowers and wine as you put it). Which IS selfish, at this stage, when your guests have so much invested in your previous arrangements. Given some of the bridezillas we read about on here on a very regular basis, many do seem to have the "it's all about what I want and stuff you" attitude.

If they had worded it more like "due to unforeseen circumstances" people might have been more concerned for them that there was an illness etc. Their wording makes it look like they are putting having their perfect day above any inconvenience caused.


I do agree the OP should just make the most of enjoying the weekend away, but NOT bend over backwards or break the bank to attend the rearranged date.

[BigBoobiedBertha]

Go, have a fab weekend with your DH and try and be generous with your friends, assuming this is not a decision they made lightly on the spur of the moment and they are in real difficulties. It is annoying and thoughtless but what is done is done. I don't really understand the need for a huge and/or fancy wedding, it wasn't something I ever wanted but if they have bought a package I suspect they have no option to cut back on anything. It is probably a fixed price and there is no possibility to downsize.

If they live up there, clearly they won't have anything else to do that weekend now. Could you meet up with them for lunch one day or something? They might appreciate off loading if things are getting too much and you will at least have been able to wish them well in person even if it isn't on their big day.

[wimblehorse]

As you've paid you should definitely go for the weekend & enjoy the child-free time with your dh.

Of course you feel pissed off with the bride & groom, but as others have said, it's possible that there is more to it than they have said. If/when they do reschedule the wedding, you shouldn't feel any guilt in declining their invitation & wishing them well in a card (I wouldn't send a gift in those circs!)

[annaban]

Hi OP

Sorry to hear your plans have been changed.... Assuming you do decide to go ahead with the trip, I thought this thread might help you:

Unmissable Glasgow thread

My vote is 100% go - you need some time out before your matty leave ends for you too.

Looking forward to an update

AB

[Pixel]

Well I think the wording of the email made it pretty clear. As someone else said they could have said 'due to unforeseen circumstances' or something similar (which anyone would have sympathised with and felt worried for them) and left it at that. But no they went into detail about the fact they just wanted to afford a 'better' wedding. Why would it occur to someone to say that if it wasn't true? If the truth was that you had some personal problems or unforeseen emergency that were too private to share wouldn't you just be as vague as possible?

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

If it really had been something awful, then surely a hint at that, rather than making themselves sound like show-offy twits would have been better?

And actually I do think that if you have asked people to shell out considerable amounts of money in order to attend your wedding, that if you cancel it therefore costing your guests money that you should tell them why, or at least come as close to the truth as you can.

[wowfudge]

I don't think YABU, but you should go anyway and enjoy the break. Maybe you can get together with all the other guests in the same boat and have a party? At pretty short notice that's poor form - sounds like there's more to it.

[Lucylouby]

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding that was postponed by 6 months due to finances. They didn't tell anyone until quite late on they were postponing. Luckily the hotel let everyone swop their rooms till the new date, I guess the resold them to the guests of whoever did get married there that day. When they finally got married, it didn't even last till the first anniversary. Quite sad really.
Very frustrating for you. Go anyway had have a fabulous weekend and don't go the wedding and don't feel guilty about not going.

[Sarah2506]

Called the bride earlier. It's her hen do this weekend. Was quite surprised it's still on, but it is! Asked if everything was ok. It is. Gently suggested that we might not be able to make the rescheduled date and she was quite put out, even more so when I said we would still be going to glasgow for a weekend! She said that she doesn't understand why I would have to plan ahead so much and that no one else has lost money on flights etc, and that she'd be heartbroken if they had. Turns out the venue is more than happy to push back a few months and they won't lose any money at all, bar three hundred quid rearrangement fee.

So an awkward hen do in bloody Bromley awaits!

[LittleBearPad]

Can't believe no one else has booked accommodation or travel. Good luck with the hen do.

[Sarah2506]

I think the vast majority of her friends and family are in Scotland. There aren't many of us down south, and I know a lot are travelling for the hen do. I think her point is that most won't have booked a non refundable hotel and will just buy train tickets as and when. I genuinely don't think it would occur to her that people forward plan.