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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally hacked off with the bride and groom?

224 replies

Sarah2506 · 13/01/2014 19:49

So we are meant to be off to a wedding in Scotland next month. Quite an undertaking as we live in London and have seven month DD, but they are good friends so we booked flights, a non refundable hotel and arranged to drop DD with MIL for the whole weekend as it's a child free wedding. Fine. Actually looking forward to it as first weekend away, yay!

Then today we get an email saying that, 'unfortunately we've had to make the difficult decision to put the wedding back to the autumn. We were struggling to pay for the wedding on time and think it would just be better to delay a few months so that we can save a bit more and do it properly. We hope you understand and can make the rearranged date'.

Is this reasonable? We've paid out 500 quid in flights and hotel which we won't get back. Travel insurance doesn't cover it as it counts as disinclination to travel. The flights can't be changed- or rather they can but it costs as much as buying new ones! I'm on maternity leave, I'm not being paid, I've no desire to travel to Scotland for the weekend anyway and we won't be able to pay out for the rearranged wedding as well. I feel really sad that we might now not be able to go.

AIBU?

OP posts:
lilyaldrin · 13/01/2014 23:49

A friend did this to me, 2.5 years ago now - it was a wedding in a European city. Actually it was fine, we still went, took baby DS and had a lovely long weekend.

Wedding has yet to be "rescheduled" though Hmm

KittensoftPuppydog · 14/01/2014 00:02

Wedding won't happen.
Another one to say that glagow is wonderful.
Beautiful architecture, macintosh designed art school in the centre- the tour is great.
West end/Ashton lane for evening out.
Kelvingrove park and museum for Sunday.
Love it.
If you want to you could still go to loch lomond. It's only up the road.

BillyBanter · 14/01/2014 00:10

Glasgow was apparently voted best city for veggie restaurants recently or something.

www.trongate103.com/ for modern art. Please go to Sharmanka there. It's magical.

JainaProudmoore · 14/01/2014 00:20

Yet another vote for Glasgow here! Grin Sod the wedding, it's clearly not going to happen!

frugalfuzzpig · 14/01/2014 00:22

There must be something else going on.

Enjoy your dirty child free weekend!

Jux · 14/01/2014 00:33

I love Glasgow. If I were in London I'd buy the flights and hotel from you, but sadly it would probably cost me as much to get to London as it would to fly from there to Glasgow.

Have you asked around friends and acquaintances? Can you not find someone between you who would like a weekend away, who could buy them from you?

Go to Glasgow. It's a great place.

Joysmum · 14/01/2014 01:37

Well I'm really fucking glad I don't know most of the people who have already posted on this thread. Fucking selfish!

If this were my friends, I'd be really worried about them, not thinking they were selfish or being unreasonable. I'm sure any friend if mine would have the intelligence to work out the impact it would have on others (many would have had time off work and bought a gift, maybe booked a room etc) and it wouldn't have been any easy decision, or would have taken something really serious to prompt this.

It takes a lots to cancel a wedding only a month before it was due to take place and they'd have lost a lot of money doing so, so I wouldn't be convinced by their explanation of money troubles.

Even if it were money troubles, it would have to be pretty bloody serious and very upsetting for them to have to cancel the wedding and lose a lot of money and not be getting married as they'd have wanted too.

Either way, these friends have got some serious problems in their lives at the moment and I'm sure could do with their true friends to support them through this difficult time not like the selfish fuckers who have posted without any thought for the 'happy couple'

KittensoftPuppydog · 14/01/2014 09:06

Joysmum. I agree really. But the thread was started by the op, with a different problem.
Yes, I think that this means things have gone badly wrong for the couple.

phantomnamechanger · 14/01/2014 10:15

I agree the money story is an excuse, cover for other problems of some sort.
They would have lost a lot more money on this - venue, caterers, photographer, printed stationery with names and dates on, honeymoon suite, honeymoon? than they can save in another couple of months.

I do think it is still very selfish of them.

lookatmybutt · 14/01/2014 10:35

Whatever you say Joysmum. Maybe OP should swing in like relationship Batman and save them from themselves or maybe she should beat herself with a birch stick in sympathy.

God forbid she try to make the best of a bad situation.

WilsonFrickett · 14/01/2014 10:40

C'mon joysmum, if the 'happy couple' had posted then that sort of advice would be what they had got.

OP posted with a completely different dilemma, so that's the responses she has had.

JeanSeberg · 14/01/2014 10:50

I do think it is still very selfish of them Hmm

Selfish how? They should still get married just to please the wedding guests, irrespective of what problems exist behind the scenes?

ProphetOfDoom · 14/01/2014 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALittleBitOfChristmasMagic · 14/01/2014 11:15

Actually if you are veggie don't go to viva Brazil !! Grin

Just noticed I still have my Christmas namechange, better go fix that Blush

Kewcumber · 14/01/2014 11:19

Glasgow is lovely - I'm jealous.

Just send them an email saying flights are non-refundable so you're going to use them anyway and you doubt you can afford to pay a second time but will review it when they name the second date.

nauticant · 14/01/2014 11:20

ha ha at swing in like relationship Batman

OTheHugeManatee · 14/01/2014 11:28

Bet you anything their relationship is on the rocks. Chances are you won't need to attend any wedding in the autumn. I say enjoy it as a dirty weekend and prepare for future drama from this bride and groom...

Electryone · 14/01/2014 11:43

Enjoy your weekend, I work in Glasgow and cant add anything else that anyone hasn't said, you will have a great time! Its not offending me saying you would rather visit Barcelona etc, that's totally understandable - I would to because of the weather, February in Glasgow is going to be cold and probably wet but don't let that put you off. Its booked so you may as well enjoy!

WhenWhyWhere · 14/01/2014 11:47

If the not so happy couple are having second thoughts they would be stupid to go through with the wedding to be polite Confused

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 11:49

Yes they would. But the email is frustrating ie we can't afford to do it as we wish in a month so we'll postpone until the autumn. If there are problems and thus isn't true it is sad but it's not hard to understand the wording in the email being annoying.

WhenWhyWhere · 14/01/2014 11:52

If it is to do with them having problems it might have been best to to phone the guests and really apologised. You would feel sorry for them and, probably, a bit pissed off with them at the same time.

If they cancelled just for financial reason then I would feel more pissed of with them, especially if it was because they were trying to afford a fancy wedding.

patienceisvirtuous · 14/01/2014 12:03

I'm with Joysmum. My immediate thoughts were, there must be something pretty shitty going on for the bride and groom :-(

I concur, enjoy your weekend in Glasgow.

CocktailQueen · 14/01/2014 12:04

!!!! A month before the wedding! YANBU. Go on your weekend and send them a card for their wedding! Another one who thinks they won't get married...

cantthinkofagoodone · 14/01/2014 12:07
Shock

I would now be having a dirty weekend away with dh though

JeanSeberg · 14/01/2014 12:11

it might have been best to to phone the guests and really apologised

And then have to tell their story x number of times and be questioned about it, pushing for the real reason? Fuck that.

The OP described them as good friends, now is the time to respect their decision and support them. The money's not wasted, she gets to have a lovely weekend away with her husband which for me would be 10x better than a wedding away.