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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not put make up on dd?

292 replies

selfdestructivelady · 13/01/2014 10:11

We went to a children's birthday party Saturday. All the little girls had make up on and all the parents were saying how pretty each other's dds make up looked. Dd is 4 yo the others were aged 4-5 they had nail polish eyeshadow and lip gloss on.

OP posts:
projectbabyweight · 14/01/2014 14:59

I wish more people thought like you MrsO.

I've not got dds, but I don't want my dss to see girls changing the way their faces look, as if to say what nature gave them wasn't good enough. I want them to think that girls are more or less (apart from the obvious) the same and equal to them.

projectbabyweight · 14/01/2014 15:01

There's nothing shallow about worrying that you're not pretty enough without make-up. It's just Sad that anyone might be taken down a path that could risk feeling this.

MrsOakenshield · 14/01/2014 15:01

if you think that then why are you still here defending your position? And I never said there was any actual harm in it, just that I don't like it and my DD won't be doing it. You haven't provided a single good reason why they should do it.

You may be unapologetic but you're certainly very defensive.

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2014 15:01

Totally agree with you pictish

I don't have a dd, but I'm sure I wouldn't have any problems with a little bit of make up for a party should my hypothetical dd like it.

And no I don't see it as giving her a glass of wine. What a strange comparison, MrsOakenshield.

projectbabyweight · 14/01/2014 15:02

Which let's admit, most of us do feel.

bisjo · 14/01/2014 15:04

I think the earlier that children learn they do not need to conform the better. That helps them develop their own self esteem and avoids them trying to get others to conform with the majority.

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2014 15:05

I don't feel I'm not pretty enough without make up, project. I barely wear it. I never wear anything on my skin except Beauty Flash Balm very, very occasionally. Never used nail polish.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 15:06

It's not a strange comparison at all. You said those of us who don't think DD's should wear make up are taking their choices away from them. Dd might choose that she wants some of my wine, why not she's only copying mummy, or that she doesn't want to go to bed, why not mummy doesn't go until 11, or later that she doesn't want to do homework, mummy doesn't. But she doesn't get to choose about these things.

MrsOakenshield · 14/01/2014 15:11

not at all - there seems to be a lot of blether on this thread on allowing children to make their own choices, and copy the grown ups, and then (seemingly) go with it, and I'm simply making the point that that's nonsense.

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2014 15:11

So if a policeman turned up at a children's party and saw a load of 4 year olds drinking glasses of wine, the situation would be considered normal?

So if a policeman turned up at a children's party and a few girls had a little make up on, the situation would be considered normal?

Two completely difference scenarios, as you well know.

projectbabyweight · 14/01/2014 15:16

I'm pleased for you Bowlersarm, but how many women feel the same? Even if it's a small minority (it isn't) why risk our daughters feeling the same? They need the message that they're perfectly fine as they are.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 15:16

Well if it was five year olds he wouldn't be able to do anything about it as it's legal to give five year olds alcohol. Four year olds he might question the parents.

But homework isn't a question of law but dd will still have to do it, nor is bedtime.

MrsOakenshield · 14/01/2014 15:17

you are being deliberately obtuse, bowler and so I'm not going to bother to explain this any further.

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2014 15:21

Seriously? You could dole put glasses of wine to a party of 5 year olds? Well, I didn't know that.

I would also dispute bedtime. Different DC need different bedtimes. All our three have different sleep needs.

Homework, that's a whole different age group to the one we're talking about. My ds2 doesn't seem to think he needs to do too much.

projectbabyweight · 14/01/2014 15:29

If we're talking homework, how about feminism 101?

Bowlersarm · 14/01/2014 15:34

I'm not trying to be obtuse MrsO just demonstrating how allowing a little girl to wear a little make up is not the same as allowing her to glug down wine. A silly comparison.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 15:34

I had homework at seven and only as late as that because I changed schools DSis had it at five.

It's true about the alcohol if it's a home or privately.

AllDirections · 14/01/2014 15:53

We still don't know if it was real make up or a bit of lip gloss and nail varnish. There's a big difference IMO. No-one on this thread has said that little girls should be allowed to wear full make-up. And if it's about their skin then I think that facepaints are far worse than make-up anyway. Have you ever tried to get that stuff off? Hmm

pictish · 14/01/2014 15:57

You haven't provided a single good reason why they should do it.
Yes I have...but I'll repeat it if you like. Because it's completely innocent, harmless, and she enjoys it. That's sufficient enough reason for me and that's all I need.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 16:03

And you haven't listened to people giving you reasons why not.

Chemicals on her skin - could cause all sorts of problems especially eye makeup.
Teaching little girls that they look better with makeup on - that they aren't good enough without it
And

pictish · 14/01/2014 16:13

Chemicals on her skin - could cause all sorts of problems especially eye makeup.
But it hasn't.

Teaching little girls that they look better with makeup on - that they aren't good enough without it
Who did that? I often tell ALL my kids they are beautiful. You're just making shit up now. Does dressing her up as a pirate teach her that she's no good without an eyepatch?
Well then.

projectbabyweight · 14/01/2014 16:16

Why do you think women wear make up then?

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 16:20

But your daughter you give make up to.

Make up which is used to make her eyes bigger, to make lips more shiny. At its most innocent level make up is used to make girls look better, look prettier. It's what women use it for and DD's mimic their mothers.

Fine if you think it doesn't have any deeper implications, connotations or consequences. I do and I think it's sad that children are no longer allowed to be children.

pictish · 14/01/2014 16:23

You may as well ask why does a pirate wear a stripey shirt, for all the relevance adult motivations have regarding this.

LittleBearPad · 14/01/2014 16:26

Could you explain more please