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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop inviting children to parties when they have not had a party themselves

333 replies

PMDD · 13/01/2014 08:07

I just read another thread about their son not being invited to a party. It has raised an interesting point that I am considering this year.

On the whole, I believe that if you have a large party where all the children or all of one sex at the party, that you invite the whole class and not leave one, two or three off the list. Especially when the children are in infants.

I really enjoy a celebration and hold parties for my friends and their children (and friends with no children) at Easter, Summer, Halloween and Christmas. My children have a party each birthday every year.

It costs a fortune but it is my choice to hold the parties. Each children's party costs around £300 to hold and my children are born in May, June and July so it is an expensive quarter.

However, over recent years fewer children are having parties or are only having a party for a handful of children at home or taking them bowling or to the cinema. My children may invite 20+ children to their party, but only get to attend less than 4 each year in return.

There are 2 boys who never invite my sons to their house/party, so I have decided this year to have the party but not invite the children that never invite my children. This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited. I feel this is reasonable, but from reading the other thread, perhaps I'm not.

OP posts:
WTFlike · 13/01/2014 08:09

Yes.

formerbabe · 13/01/2014 08:10

Yes...my friend has 3 kids (8,9,10) who have never had a birthday party :( She attends every party she is invited too...I think it is a bit of a cheek to be honest.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 13/01/2014 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Llareggub · 13/01/2014 08:11

You are definitely being unreasonable.

DesperatelySeekingSanity · 13/01/2014 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WandaDoff · 13/01/2014 08:11

YABU, it's a few or all.

Merrylegs · 13/01/2014 08:12

Hmm. Do you usually give to receive? You sound a little U, yes.

mumblechum1 · 13/01/2014 08:12

I do understand where you're coming from and was in a similar position when DS was young (spending a lot on paintball parties etc) BUT I don't think you should exclude 2children.
This is because A) it's not their fault their parents aren't as generous as you
And
B) would an extra 2 places really cost that much in the scheme of things?

Joysmum · 13/01/2014 08:12

YABU

We've had parties but many if DD's friend parents can't afford it.

Added to that, when the children are very young, for many parents the guest list is based on the parents the adults knows rather than the friends of the children.

MarvellousMechanicalMouseOrgan · 13/01/2014 08:12

When they don't invite your children are they still inviting everyone else?

Maybe they can't afford to invite the whole class and need to keep the numbers small.

Iwillneverusethisnameforpostin · 13/01/2014 08:12

Yep: marginalise the children for a decsion made by their parents. Brilliant idea!

SoupDragon · 13/01/2014 08:12

This will mean that in my friend's social group there will be 2 children who are not invited.

No, that is really mean.

Chippednailvarnish · 13/01/2014 08:13

So if you are poor and you can't afford to hold a party, you should never get invited to anything ever again?

Nice attitude to teach your DCs op.

annieorangutan · 13/01/2014 08:15

Your children are going to grow up very materialistic and mean. You are inviting everyone but the 2 less well off kids Hmm

callamia · 13/01/2014 08:15

Who are you punishing? The child or the parents?

There are lots of reason at hat children may not have parties or host play dates, and not all of them are due to parents being selfish and mean. If you can throw big parties, and you and your children enjoy doing it, then what's the problem? You can be the bigger person here, and offer a nice time to children who don't get the opportunity to do that themselves.

ChasedByBees · 13/01/2014 08:15

That would be really horrible. You are punishing then for their parents decisions. Really really mean.

Charotte31 · 13/01/2014 08:16

It's not the fault of the poor children that they don't/ can't have party's! To not invite only 2 is really mean. If your not going to ask the hole class then just invite the children that your DC play with.

Mim78 · 13/01/2014 08:16

I would just invite the children your dcs like Best.

Don't worry if they don't have a party. Some parentis can't afford it so shame to leave out the dc.

Maybe answer is to do something smaller this year if you find you are resenting it.

countrymouse27 · 13/01/2014 08:16

formerbabe actually it means she's buying a lot of presents for children that also dont get reciprocated - so not that tight then!

comedycentral · 13/01/2014 08:17

I think I have finally read it all.

YABU by the way.

funkybuddah · 13/01/2014 08:18

Are you fucking joking?

So you would rather use your warped logic then inviting the kids your children actually want at their party?

Dd is in yr1 and had her 1st party this year. I allowed 10 friends. This cost enough, I'm not overspending just to appease some understimulated parent.

Also you have noticed that less and less people have parties, maybe they are sticking to a budget so they dont end up in debt? A budget where a 5quid gift is doable.

muchadoaboutsomething · 13/01/2014 08:19

Also there can be other reasons for not having a party. My ds was very prem, very ill and his birthday remains the most traumatic day of my life. I am ok now but many many people have PTSD as a result of the experiences they have. Do I want to celebrate that.... Ds does so we will do something and of course that's more important and we will do something but it is very very hard.

formerbabe · 13/01/2014 08:19

Its not because she's tight...she is just too lazy to organise it.

Goldmandra · 13/01/2014 08:20

You give your children parties to celebrate their birthdays, not to engineer invitations to other parties. You invite the people your child will enjoy celebrating with so that they have a nice time.

That is quite an unpleasant attitude and not on I would like to teach my children.

sittingagain · 13/01/2014 08:20

Very unreasonable. Decide on a number, ask your children who they want to invite.

A party invite is not a reward for a previous party invite.